


Hold tight

by cristallodineve



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Bromance, Gay Sex, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Same-Sex Marriage, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-11-21 03:44:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cristallodineve/pseuds/cristallodineve
Summary: Baekhyun met Chanyeol on a gloomy day, but that same day, he also met the greatest love of his life.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I guess I just needed to write a heart-wrenching, romantic and long lovestory. I hope you'll enjoy.

_The 6:15 to Seoul is about to depart. Passengers wishing to travel should board now. The 6:15 to Seoul is about to depart..._

The annoying synthetic voice repeating the message over and over was getting on Baekhyun’s nerves. He was one of the first to get on the train, and he felt like it was taking forever for it to leave the station.

He was eager to get away. Meeting his parents had always been a pain, but lately it literally became torture. He couldn’t wait returning to his lonely, silent flat in Gangnam, where nobody would fuss over him when he got back home at night.

“Hello.”

The greeting startled him. He had been so absorbed in looking outside of the window that he didn’t realize that someone approached him. He flinched, uneasy. The stranger was tall and he was standing close, a little too much for his liking.

“Hello” he cautiously replied back.

The stranger smiled. “Can I sit here?”

Baekhyun glanced blankly at the empty seat across his one, thinking gloomily that his quiet and lonely trip was about to be ruined. “Sure.”

He moved his bag, letting the man step forward. He stared at him while he put his trolley case in the luggage rack above them. He was tall and lanky, and his face was covered with a gauze mask. For what he could see, his eyes were bright and his skin was very fair.

“Phew” the man said, letting himself fall on the seat, “I’ve been lucky. I almost missed this train.”

Baekhyun absentmindedly smiled at him. Finally the train was moving, and his mind was already in the capital. Maybe he would drop by his office before getting home. His secretary, Oh Sehun, could be trusted with a lot of things—but one thing was being told that everything was okay, and another was checking it in person. Baekhyun was the kind of person that rarely trusted anyone, especially when work was involved.

“Are you a businessman?”

Baekhyun flinched again. That dude had an annoying and unnecessary way of leaning over the person he was talking to, and he didn’t like that forced closeness. The man’s legs were so long that the tip of his sneakers brushed against Baekhyun’s polished shoes.

“More or less” he replied, vague. The man smiled behind his white mask.

“You look like one of those hipsters who make tons of money.”

“Ah, I’m nothing like that.” He paused, adding a half-mumbled “sorry” which he hoped would discourage the stranger from asking further. But the man suddenly chuckled, leaning back against his seat.

“I see, you are not in the right mood for talking.”

Baekhyun blinked, looking at him more closely. He was wearing casual clothes, a banal sweatpants and hoodie combo, and his hair was tucked under a baseball cap. While he was watching, the man removed his mask, showing him a young and polished face. A senior student in college, maybe? He had a trolley suitcase. Maybe he was getting back to his dorm after meeting his family.

Anyway, it was none of Baekhyun’s business.

Shooting him another apologetic little smile, he plugged on the ear buds and turned on some good music on his phone. When Mozart started playing into his ears, he felt instantly calmer and closed his eyes, enjoying the magic.

He fell asleep for a short while, lulled by the gentle shaking of the train, until someone brushed against his shoulder. When he peeled his eyes open, he saw the man sitting across him mouthing something, and he paused the music, annoyed. “What?”

“Sorry” the man said, a little meekly, “but the ticket collector needs to check on us...”

 “Oh.”

Baekhyun fumbled with his bag, shooting a sideways glance to the man in uniform standing beside them. He didn’t expect to sleep, and he got slightly flustered when he couldn’t find the ticket quickly. He hated it when people saw him acting clumsy. “Here. I’m sorry.”

“Have a good travel” the ticket collector robotically replied to him, totally uninterested, before validating his ticket. Baekhyun put it back into his bag, feeling flustered and uneasy. The stranger had been staring at him during the whole exchange.

“What are you listening to?” he asked.

“Mozart” Baekhyun growled back.

“Really? I love Mozart. What work exactly?”

Baekhyun groaned internally. “Sonata for two pianos, K448.” He hoped the cold reply would discourage his travel companion, but actually it had the opposite effect.

“It’s one of my favourite. I used to play it.”

“So, are you a pianist?” Baekhyun asked, still icy cold. He was sure the man was bragging. The sonata was technically difficult, and works for two pianos weren’t so common to perform.

The man wriggled his long and thick fingers on his lap. Baekhyun grudgingly noticed that his hands were totally a pianist’s hands, and for what he knew, he could really be a musician. The stranger’s reply, though, surprised him.

“I was... sort of” he said, averting his gaze and continuing to rhythmically flex his fingers. “I haven’t been playing for a long while.”

Baekhyun stared at him. He knew that asking further wasn’t the most polite thing to do, especially after being so rude, but suddenly curiosity was killing him. “And why did you stop? If you were able to play such a difficult piece, then you must be very good.”

The man laughed a little embarrassedly. “Music isn’t good to fill your tummy, though. I needed a proper job, you know.”

“I see” Baekhyun replied, somewhat disappointed by the prosaic reply. “Are you still in college? You look like a student.”

“Do I look like one? I am flattered.” The man started laughing like a mad man. “Nope, I’ve already graduated.”

Baekhyun couldn’t believe he guessed wrong. He hated it, when his predictions turned out incorrect. “Well, and what do you do for a living then?”

“I am a preschool teacher.”

Baekhyun blinked. “What?”

“You weren’t expecting it, right?” the man laughed again, apparently finding Baekhyun the funniest thing ever. “Nobody is, actually. Maybe it’s because I look so manly?”

“I didn’t mean it like that...” Baekhyun was about to blurt out something about social stereotypes and gender-characterised jobs, something that would made him look damn cool in the eyes of that weird stranger that had the unexplainable power to make a fool of him, when the man’s eyes suddenly lost their natural brightness.

“I miss it, actually” he said, without letting Baekhyun finish. “I haven’t gone to work for quite a long time as well.”

Baekhyun pondered those last words. “Were you laid off?” he asked.

“Nope. Let’s say I took a vacation.”

“Uhm.” Baekhyun glanced at the rather big suitcase the man carried along with him. “A vacation from Mozart and small kids at the same time?”

The man laughed again as if he actually said something terribly funny, and the happy spark resurfaced in his glance. Something inside of Baekhyun felt relieved that that sight. “You are funny. What’s your name?”

“Uh... Byun Baekhyun.” He started messing with his bag again, looking for his business card, but the man just reached out for his hand.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Park Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun shook his hand with a sigh. In spite of the slightly sweaty palm, Chanyeol’s hand was big and warm, and it totally distracted him from his plan of impressing the man with his fancy business card.

“Well...”

“You still didn’t tell me much about your job” Chanyeol pressed on, smiling. “I have to admit that I am rather curious.”

Something, in his voice, made Baekhyun feel slightly self-conscious. He didn’t want to rub in Chanyeol’s face that he earned probably twice than him, but he didn’t want to lie either. “I am an executive manager for an insurance company” he said, after a rather long pause.

Chanyeol whistled. “I knew it was something big, but you definitely surprised me. See? You are one of those hipsters, after all.”

Baekhyun chuckled, feeling his cheeks getting warmer, while their small talks went on more and more naturally while the train kept moving. He couldn’t remember the last time he chatted with someone like that, without wearing a tie or without ending piss drunk by the end of the night. Also, as much as he hated admitting it, this Chanyeol guy was different from the people he usually met when he was at work. And since he never hung up with anyone besides of his co-workers, well...

This is why his heart started beating absurdly fast, when Chanyeol suddenly threw him a bone. “I was thinking that maybe we could meet sometimes. In Seoul, I mean.”

Panic paralyzed Baekhyun for a second. Then, slowly, his brains started functioning again, helping him voice out the mixed feelings in his chest. “I don’t know. Isn’t... isn’t it a little too fast? I don’t even know you.”

Chanyeol smiled again, but there was something shyer and softer in his face this time. “I’m sorry, I’ve been too blunt. But really, I meant nothing more than a couple beers and chats. I enjoyed talking to you... and I thought that maybe you could have enjoyed it too?”

“I did” Baekhyun confirmed, tormenting his fingers in his lap, “it’s not like that.”

“What is it like, then?”

Damn it, Baekhyun thought, the boy was persistent. And cute, with his pointy ears and bright eyes. And the last time Baekhyun got laid was ages ago.

He was _tempted_ , honestly. But he knew he couldn’t mess with that boy. He didn’t seem like the type who was just looking for a night of fun. He looked more like one of those who wanted feelings involved.

And feelings weren’t Baekhyun’s cup of tea. He was a grown man just about to enter the second half of his twenties, actually, and he could go around fucking whom he fancied so carelessly.

“I’m sorry” he murmured.

He tried reading Chanyeol’s expression, looking for the hurt he expected to see, but after a few seconds the boy started smiling again. “Okay” he said, before handing a small card to him. “Anyway, this is my phone number. You can call me, if you feel like talking about Mozart.”

Despite himself, Baekhyun started laughing. “Oh, sure. I won’t miss this opportunity.”

He was about to give Chanyeol his card, just to make the exchange fair and square, when the annoying synthetic voice started talking again. _Seoul. Central station of Seoul._

“What?” he marvelled, “are we already there?”

This was Chanyeol’s turn to laugh. “Looks like time went fast, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun stretched out his hand. “Well, have a safe return, then.”

“You too.”

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

They parted ways, Chanyeol letting Baekhyun pass first through the door. Baekhyun walked on the sidewalk while counting to ten, and when he turned he saw, not without any regret, that the crowd already swallowed Chanyeol away.

\---oOo---

A few days passed, but Chanyeol would always be in a corner of his mind.

No matter how much Baekhyun was busy with work, or crashed exhausted at his flat in the evening, he couldn’t stop thinking about him.

The little card with Chanyeol’s phone number was still safely tucked into his purse, but Baekhyun was strangely reluctant to pull it out and call. A fantasy would never hurt, right? A fantasy was safe, while reality often wasn’t.

But still, even if he wasn’t a man of great imagination, he caught himself wondering more than once how would a proper date with Park Chanyeol be. Maybe he was the type who liked the usual combo, movie and dinner. Or maybe he preferred clubbing? He had no idea, honestly. The boy looked kind and sincere, but looks could be very deceiving. Nobody could assure Baekhyun that he wasn’t a trickster, or a sick pervert, or even a gold-digger. He didn’t completely miss the reference to his well-paid job while they talked, after all. And Baekhyun wasn’t an idiot, not yet at least.

He knew the risk of Chanyeol being a fake was high. But still, ten days after their first meeting on the train, he decided to call him.

“Hello?” the deep voice he remembered said in the speaker, making his stomach twist pleasantly.

“Uhm, it’s me. Baekhyun.”

“Oh, hi! How have you been?”

Unable to stop himself, Baekhyun smiled. “I’m fine. And you?”

“I’m okay.”

“I was thinking that we could go drinking something together, if you have time.”

Chanyeol chuckled. “Sure that I have time. Do you have any preferences about the place?”

Baekhyun blinked. He almost forgot how straightforward the boy was. “Uh... I don’t know. Do you have a particular place in mind?”

Another laugh. “You are so funny, always walking in circles. Do you ever ask anything bluntly?”

Baekhyun pouted, unknowingly forgetting that Chanyeol couldn’t see his face. “Fine, then. Do you know the Sunrise cafe?”

“Ooh, Gangnam? Do you think I’m trendy enough for it?”

“Just dress up a bit. And maybe you could put some makeup on your face.” Baekhyun just finished saying it, that he already regretted saying those words.

Was he flirting too much? He didn’t want Chanyeol to think he was desperate to see him. Because he wasn’t, right? Everything was under control. He breathed deeply through his nose, anxiously waiting for Chanyeol’s reply, but the man surprised him again.

“Baek, I can’t do a total makeover, or you won’t be able to recognize me. You’ve seen me just once, remember?”

The joke made Baekhyun laugh. Willing or not, Chanyeol was putting him at ease, and he suddenly realized how much he actually craved seeing him again after their shared train ride.

“What about tomorrow at nine?”

“It’s fine to me.”

“Well, see you tomorrow then.”

“See you tomorrow... I can’t wait.”

Baekhyun hung up, feeling his cheeks getting warmer. That _I can’t wait_ burned its way straight to his heart.

“The hell is happening to me?” he wondered aloud, staring at his reflections on the perfectly polished marble counter while he prepared a spartan dinner for himself. “I am acting like a virgin around that country boy. He’s kinda hot, but it’s not like he’s a prince of Persia, isn’t he?”

Still, he thought, while munching on some instant ramyun, there definitely was something _attractive_ in Chanyeol, even if his face and body were somehow unconventional. His eyes, maybe? They were exceptionally bright and big, after all. Or his mouth, perpetually stretched in a smile? Or his cute, pointed ears, his long limbs? Baekhyun had no idea, really. But all he knew was that he was suddenly sweating cold at the mere idea of meeting Chanyeol.

He rummaged through his closet, looking for the clothes that would fit him best. He went for his favourite pair of tight-fitting jeans, but while he studied himself in the mirror, his insecurities started killing him again. Too revealing? Too much? Maybe Chanyeol expected him to come in sweatpants and tee, just like him?

After a long struggle, Baekhyun decided to go for the _impress_ factor. Not only his favourite jeans would do the job, he told to himself, but his favourite T-shirt as well. If the date was going to be a mess, at least it wouldn’t be because of his clothes.

When he went to work the following day, he felt refreshed. The mere thought of having an appointment with a beautiful man who probably was, let’s face it, younger than him was electrifying, to him. It made him feel sexy and cool, and it plastered a Cheshire cat’s grin on his face which his secretary didn’t fail to notice.

“Something’s up, boss?” he asked, raising an elegantly shaped eyebrow at him. “Something nice, I gather?”

“Yeah, definitely” Baekhyun replied, unable to resist to the temptation of bragging a bit. “The nicest pair of eyes I’ve seen in a while.”

“Hmm” Sehun commented, pouting cutely, “I am envious.”

Baekhyun swatted the back of the secretary’s head, even if he had to tiptoe a little to do that. “Back to work, brat. Enough with the whining.”

In spite of his smart acting, though, the more the date kept approaching, the more Baekhyun’s nervousness increased.

“Wow, boss” Sehun’s moth gaped open while looking at him walking past the fancy office’s restroom clad in his jeans and designer’s tee. “You look dashing.”

“Dressed to kill, I guess” Baekhyun replied, checking on his makeup for the umpteenth time. “Is the eyeliner too much?”

“I think it’s just right, boss. It suits you.” Sehun approached him, helping him fix a few loose strands of hair on the back of his head. “You really must like this guy a lot, boss. I can’t remember last time you put so much effort on a date.”

“Enough with the sappy assumptions, smartass. Well... say good luck to me?”

“Good luck, boss! Fighting!”

Baekhyun chuckled. His secretary’s aegyo was always the best to cheer him up.

“Fighting” he murmured, raising his fist to meet Sehun’s gesture before leaving the office and walking into the street.

\---oOo---

When he arrived at the cafe, Chanyeol was already there.

Baekhyun froze on the threshold, staring at him. His very first emotion was relief, since apparently he guessed the dress code right: Chanyeol, who was facing the opposite direction than him, was wearing jeans, sneakers and a nice denim shirt. His tall figure and slender legs, for a moment, made Baekhyun’s breath hitch. He almost forgot how handsome he was.

Then Chanyeol suddenly turned, catching him staring, and waved at him. Baekhyun’s feet started moving towards him, but his mind was flooded with panic.

 _Stop acting like a teenager, okay? Be a man_.

They ended up sitting together at a table, and they ordered drinks and snacks. None of them, though, seemed to feel as comfortable as they were during the train ride. Baekhyun kept glancing elsewhere, unable to stand Chanyeol’s frank and direct gaze, and Chanyeol looked strangely concerned as well.

Baekhyun was seriously considering making up an excuse and getting back home, when Chanyeol suddenly put his glass down and leant over the table.

“May I ask you a thing?”

Baekhyun raised his gaze. “Sure.”

“Why do you look so sad?”

Baekhyun blinked. And thinking that he even tried not to let it show too much.

“Ah... my working day was a little stressful, nothing important.”

“Feel like talking about it? I know nothing about business, but I am a good listener. Or at least I hope so.”

Baekhyun snorted. “Oh, I don’t want to bore you. It’s just...” He hesitated, considering the options available. He could tell Chanyeol a blatant lie, making up something about people breathing on his neck at work (which wasn’t even a total lie, to be honest), but it didn’t feel right. Chanyeol sounded genuinely concerned, while asking him if something was wrong, and Baekhyun didn’t want to lie to him. So, he went for option two, sincerity.

Even if it would make him sound pitiful.

“Well, work is always tiring, at least to me... but this is not the real issue. I was especially anxious about meeting you tonight, because I haven’t been dating for a while, and last time I did, it ended pretty badly.”

“I’m sorry to hear it” Chanyeol murmured, and Baekhyun felt a wave of conflicting emotions crushing him when he met those bright eyes. It was still mostly fear... but he recognized also expectation and even a little lust, in the mix. He liked that man, he liked him a lot.

“My latest boyfriend... we stopped dating after a three years long relationship” he revealed, without breaking the eye contact.

“Must have been tough.”

“More than just that, honestly. We were planning to go living abroad and getting married.” Baekhyun had to stop and swallow hard. Talking about Yixing always made him choke.

Chanyeol leant over a little. “Why did he leave you?”

“Well, he... wait, how do you know? I didn’t mention that he was the one dumping me.”

Chanyeol straightened his back, looking flustered for the very first time. “I...” he began, fidgeting with his big hands in his lap, “I don’t know. It just _showed_ from the way you talked about this person.”

Baekhyun looked at him. Their gazes locked again while he slowly processed those words. “You guessed right. He was the one who decided to break our engagement, and he did it because in the end he couldn’t come out to his parents. He couldn’t cope with the difficulties of being a gay man. I think he has a girlfriend, now.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, but he reached out and touched Baekhyun’s fingers. Baekhyun stared in awe as Chanyeol’s index and middle fingers softly stroked his thumb. It was such a delicate gesture... exactly what he needed in a moment like that, when he felt weak and pitiful. A hug would have been too much, let alone a kiss or anything else. A soft, reassuring touch like that, in the end, was enough to bring him on the verge of tears.

“And you, Baek?” Chanyeol asked, discreetly handing him a tissue without saying a single word about it. “Did you manage to cope with a complicated matter like that?”

Baekhyun wiped his nose, trying to act cool, registering in the back of his mind that nobody ever called him _Baek_ before. “Oh, my mother still cries every time she sees me, and I guess my father still wants to disown me, but since he’s never done it in all this time, I think they sort of accepted that their only son is a fag. Going to meet them is always a tragedy, though. This is why I wasn’t at my best when we met last time...”

Chanyeol smirked at the cruel irony in his words, and Baekhyun hoped he didn’t offend him in any way. He couldn’t help getting bitter, when Yixing or his family were mentioned, and he sincerely hoped he didn’t ruin anything. Now he didn’t want to go home anymore.

“I feel lucky, now” Chanyeol said. “My mom and dad weren’t much surprised, when I told them I liked men, and my sister was cool as well. I think they already knew, and they were glad I decided to be honest with them.”

“Wow” Baekhyun whispered, “you are lucky indeed.” Weird thoughts kept forming in his head, and he blamed it on the alcohol. He kept wondering if Chanyeol’s lips would feel as soft as they looked, if he decided to kiss him.

Then Chanyeol made his move. Slowly, giving Baekhyun the time to back off if he wasn’t okay with it, he reached out and stroked his cheek with the very tip of his finger. Baekhyun shuddered under that ghostly touch, the dormant desire suddenly awakening and running wildly along with his blood.

“I like you, Baek” Chanyeol whispered, smiling softly, “you are brave.”

Later, Baekhyun would talk of that moment like the very moment he realized that Chanyeol was the man he had desperately been waiting for, the one that he wanted to love.

They got out of the cafe, walking peacefully in the streets. Their bodies were close, but they were still too shy to hold hands. Now that the last awkwardness between them was finally over, though, Baekhyun would talk much more freely, and he found himself telling Chanyeol many things about himself. The boy proved himself to be a very good listener, just like he said, and he was glad of that. His guts had been telling him, since their first meeting, that Chanyeol was a good and sensitive man, but his mind, which continuously reminded him of Yixing, had been saying otherwise. Baekhyun used to think that he would have never trusted anyone after the betrayal, but now he was starting to believe that life was giving him a big chance.

“Would you like... uhm... seeing my apartment?” he offered, when it got really late.

“I’d love to” Chanyeol replied, letting Baekhyun show him the way. When they got inside and took off their shoes, the tension between them sent electric sparks through the air.

“Err... I’ll get something to drink” Baekhyun stuttered, stepping towards the kitchen counter, but Chanyeol grabbed his wrist and held him tightly, holding him in place. Baekhyun turned to face him, shivering when he realized how close they were.

Chanyeol cupped his face with his big hand, gently guiding him to meet him in a kiss. Baekhyun leant into the touch, feeling the pit of his stomach melt when the man’s breath caressed his skin. His lips were soft exactly like he imagined - even better that that, honestly – and soon he found himself wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, pulling him closer. His scent was delicious, fresh cologne mixed with something intoxicating and unique that was only his.

Baekhyun nipped at Chanyeol’s lower lip, shuddering when he felt the tip of the other male’s tongue press gently at the corner of his mouth. Maybe it was Chanyeol’s sweetness, what really drew him in? He was such a gentleman. Baekhyun couldn’t remember anyone who showed so much respect for him, touching him and dealing with him in such a reverent way, as if he was precious and truly loved.

And thinking that he met him by chance, during a lonely and melancholy travel...

The word destiny took form into his mind, while he interrupted the kiss and took Chanyeol’s face between his hands. He could feel the warmth radiating from the man’s cheek, while his blown pupils slowly focused on him. “Are you okay?”

“Yes” Baekhyun whispered, heart hammering into his temples. He knew that Chanyeol was an attractive man, but suddenly his natural charms seemed amplified by the blush spreading over his face and the gentle expression on his face. He stared at him, unable to tear his eyes away, tongue suddenly drying up in his mouth.

“You are so beautiful” Chanyeol whispered, leaning closer and placing a kiss on Baekhyun’s cheek. “During that train ride, I couldn’t stop looking at you. You were so pretty, but you seemed so sad. I thought it was unfair, and I tried my best to cheer you up.”

“Oh, don’t worry, you definitely left an impression” Baekhyun tried to joke, but his voice came out shaky.

He liked him too _. God, Chanyeol liked him too_.

Reaching out like a blind man, he took the man’s large hand into his little one. “Behind that door, there’s my bedroom. I’d like to take you there... but please, don’t hesitate to tell me, if it’s too much.”

The shy smile appearing on Chanyeol’s face made Baekhyun’s heart swell. “I know it’s not exactly a canon for a first date” he whispered, kissing him again, “but I’ve never liked clichés, I think.”

Baekhyun pulled him closer, attacking his lips with a desperation that surprised the both of them. Still entwined, they stumbled their way past the door, falling over the soft mattress when Baekhyun’s knees touched the edge of it. They rested on their sides, facing each other and kissing feverishly. Hands started to roam here and there, tentative at first, but getting bolder and bolder as their lust increased in its intensity.

When Chanyeol’s fingers brushed against the hem of his trousers, though, Baekhyun suddenly realized that they were going too fast. “Chanyeol, I haven’t been doing this in a while...” he breathed against the other’s jaw. Chanyeol’s body felt heavy on top of his, since the bigger man was pinning him against the mattress, and he suddenly felt out of breath. His anxiety was starting to kick in again, making fear gather at the bottom of his belly.

But Chanyeol eased his concerns away. “Let me take care of it” he whispered, pressing his lips on Baekhyun’s temple. “Trust me.”

 _Trust me_. A single sentence that carried along so many unwanted memories, but Baekhyun was determined not to mingle past and present. The past was already over, while the present was there, ready for him.

“I t-trust you” he choked, stroking Chanyeol’s face, and he was telling the absolute truth.

Chanyeol pecked him on his lips again, then started trailing a soft line of kisses down Baekhyun’s chest, lifting his shirt to reach his bare skin. Baekhyun squirmed when Chanyeol’s mouth nipped at his sensitive torso, mouth falling agape and beads of sweat running down his forehead. He felt so hot, and his cock, constricted in his tight jeans, was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

He couldn’t help a moan of relief, when Chanyeol finally unbuckled his pants and helped him getting rid of them.

The cool air hit his legs, and Baekhyun could feel his own sparse hair stand while Chanyeol reverently ran his hands from his ankles to his thighs. “You are so beautiful” Chanyeol repeated, and Baekhyun found himself emitting a weird, tiny noise in the back of his throat when he realized about the sheer fondness on the man’s voice. Their gazes were locked while Baekhyun propped himself on an elbow to be able to see Chanyeol mouth around the hem of his boxers.

The man was looking at him with intent, asking for the permission to go on.

“Please” Baekhyun shakily murmured, “please...”

Chanyeol complied, shifting so that he could help Baekhyun take his underwear off. Self-conscious, the smaller man closed his eyes, feeling his cheeks burn, while Chanyeol admired him. He could already feel his cock leak in anticipation against his thigh.

Baekhyun kept his eyes tightly closed, feeling the mattress creak while Chanyeol moved so that he could face his groin, and then he cried out sharply when the man’s lips closed around the crown of his manhood, letting out all the bottled up bundle of feelings he tried to hold in. The tip of Chanyeol’s tongue swept at his slit, making him shiver.

He was so turned on he was going to come soon, he realized, not without a pang of disappointment. He would have liked it to last for much longer.

He blindly reached out for Chanyeol’s head, tangling his fingers among his thick hair to hold him while he blew him gently but steadily. He could feel the pressure increasing, and the heat starting to pool in his lower body.

“I’m g-going to come...” he breathed, jaw falling slack with the pleasure.

“Then come for me” Chanyeol huskily replied, grabbing the base of Baekhyun’s cock and stroking it hard and fast while sucking on the tip.

Baek wrapped his legs around the man’s head, holding him in place, and he arched his back, clawing at the mattress to brace himself. The orgasm started like a thunderstorm radiating from his groin but quickly spreading through his whole body. He let out a strangled cry, trembling hard, but he definitely didn’t expect Chanyeol suddenly letting his cock go and grabbing him by the hips instead to hold him close against his chest. Burying his nose against the man’s neck, Baekhyun came, shuddering and spasming from the strength of his climax.

He panted against Chanyeol, trying to breathe normally and to focus on what just happened. He could feel the wetness of his cum between his legs and against his lover’s belly. He wondered if it was okay to hold onto him so tightly, since Chanyeol was still fully clothed and his hoodie sweater would get soiled, but when he tried to shift away he noticed that he couldn’t, because _Chanyeol_ was the one holding him tightly against himself. Baekhyun went boneless in that strong hug, enjoying the closeness and the warmth, little aftershocks of pleasure still radiating slowly through his body.

“Chanyeol” he whispered, voice hoarse, “this felt so good...”

Chanyeol’s arms tightened around him, keeping him close. “I’m glad” he replied, softly. Baekhyun laid there for another little while, until he felt the other man’s erection bump against the inside of his leg.

“Can I touch you, Chanyeol?”

The other stared at him, nodding, then raised his arms to help Baekhyun undress him. His torso was white as alabaster and the tan lines on his arms were pretty dark. For some reason, that sight made Baekhyun giggle while he bent down to kiss Chanyeol’s sternum.

While doing that, though, he noticed that the boy’s chest was rising and falling a little too quickly. He reached out and cupped his face, feeling the slight hint of stubble on his chin. “Relax” he whispered. “You’ve been so kind to me... I’ll be too.”

Chanyeol tried his best to smile in a reassuring way, but his eyes kept darting away from Baekhyun. He was uncomfortable for some reason, and Baekhyun couldn’t understand why. “Am I going too fast?”

“No, I... I’m sorry, I need to get up for a moment.” Gently, Chanyeol disentangled himself from Baekhyun’s hug, retrieving his sweater from the floor and looking for something in the front pocket. Propping himself on an elbow, Baekhyun saw him fidget with a tiny box of pills. Chanyeol was so nervous that his hands were shaking.

“If you need water, there are some bottles in the fridge” he said, feeling relieved when the man shot him an apologetic little smile before padding barefoot towards the kitchen. He was just embarrassed, after all.

“I’m so sorry” Chanyeol said, when he returned, “but I forgot to take my nightly pills. I killed the mood, right?”

“There’s no need to apologize” Baekhyun smiled at him, making room for him on the bed again and sighing when Chanyeol hugged him tightly again. His broad chest felt so safe. “It happens.”

“Sorry, but I have a really bad pollen allergy” Chanyeol went on stiffly, “and the pills make me sleepy during the day, so I prefer taking them at night.”

“It’s alright.”

Baekhyun was still naked like a worm, but he felt strangely good, even under Chanyeol’s gaze, which was gradually turning ravenous again. “Shall we go on?”

Baekhyun giggled when Chanyeol lowered himself on top of him, humping gently against his crotch. “You are so sexy” he whispered, increasing the rhythm. “The more I see you, the more I want to be with you.”

“Then stop being a tease, will you? I want you too.”

Baekhyun bit on his lower lip in anticipation, staring at the way Chanyeol’s big hands started rolling his pants away. The boy was so eager he got rid of his underwear along with them, finally showing himself fully naked in front of Baekhyun.

“Gorgeous” Baekhyun murmured, reaching out for him. Chanyeol lied on top of him again, seeking for his lips. His body was slim and toned, with long limbs and slightly arched legs, and Baekhyun though that the way it heaved on him and the way their bare skins felt against each other was just perfect. Yeah, _perfect_ was the word that kept flashing through his mind while Chanyeol kissed his lips, his face, his throat an slowly descended its way towards his lower regions. He was overwhelmed by how good that unexpected closeness felt, how beautiful was being held in a loving embrace again, after all that time during which he was numb and hardened by his recent, still burning breakup.

“There are lube and a condom in my nightstand’s drawer” he purred, fingertips dancing on Chanyeol’s warm scalp beneath his thick hair. “Please. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

Chanyeol flashed a smile at him and stretched to retrieve the items from the nightstand. Baekhyun watched, biting his lip again while he fumbled with the condom, wearing him on his cock. The mere sight of it made him drool with anticipation, but made him feel a little perverted as well. Was he so desperate for Chanyeol? He still knew him so little...

Then, Chanyeol’s fingers touched his rim, coated in cool lube. Baekhyun clutched the man’s shoulders, holding onto him while he gently stretched him, gradually working him open. None of them spoke during all that time, just staring at each other in wonder. It seemed like their bodies knew better than their minds, telling them where to touch and where to press to give themselves the maximum pleasure. Baekhyun shuddered hard when Chanyeol’s fingertip brushed against his prostate.

Chanyeol smiled, pressing a kiss against his cheek while scissoring his fingers and adding an occasional stroke from time to time. It felt intimate and strangely tender, for a first time, but Baekhyun was losing track of his own thoughts, while Chanyeol’s skilled fingers slowly drove him towards madness.

“P-please...”

Finally, Chanyeol positioned himself against him, adding some extra lube to ease the penetration. Baekhyun sighed in relief when his cock finally started pressing its way inside of him.

Their lips immediately found each other, while their bodies linked together and Baekhyun wrapped his legs around Chanyeol’s waist. They started to rock one against each other, gently at first, but gaining more and more tempo as pleasure increased.

Baekhyun cried out when Chanyeol guessed the right angle and started to stimulate his prostate head-on. Desperate for release, Baekhyun grabbed his own cock and started to stroke it relentlessly, panting hard against Chanyeol’s cheek. “Harder, Chanyeol. Harder...”

“You feel so good, Baek.”

Baekhyun’s blood was on fire. His mind was in a haze, his body acted on its own. Soon, he couldn’t understand which moans or breaths belonged to Chanyeol, and which ones to him. Their tangled limbs were slick with sweat and bodily fluids, but he didn’t want to break that contact, not even when the act reached its unavoidable peak and conclusion. Baekhyun came for the second time, painting Chanyeol’s chest in white ribbons, and his lover followed him shortly after, quivering for long against him afterwards.

That night, Baekhyun lost himself in Chanyeol’s arms. And when the man pulled away, reaching for his clothes, he held him in place.

He had so many things to tell him, but when he opened his mouth, he said only one word.

“Stay.”

And that was the real beginning, the beginning of everything.


	2. Two

“Wow, boss, you look glowing today” Sehun told him, when they met at the office the day after. “I guess it’s been a good night?”

Baekhyun tried acting sassy, but he could feel his cheeks burn a little. “You guessed right.”

“Aw, I’m envious.”

For maybe the first time ever, the working day felt boring and vaguely pointless to Baekhyun. Work had always been what saved him from painful matters – what kept his mind occupied while his heart was bleeding, actually, helping him forget about his sadness. But since Chanyeol and him agreed to see each other for dinner, now suddenly the day felt unnaturally tedious. Baekhyun caught himself checking his watch a lot of times, only to discover that time was running too slow.

Chanyeol told him to come and pick him up at his working place. Baekhyun walked all the way from his stylish office in Gangnam to another, much less elegant block where, cornered between a Seven Eleven shop and a pizza place, there was the daycare centre where Chanyeol worked.

Baekhyun felt slightly out of place, while he took off his shoes and entered the centre, hearing children’s screams and little cheerful voices welcoming him. The scene he stumbled across, though, was worth the long walk.

Chanyeol was sitting on a rug on the floor, surrounded by a group of little kids, some of them so small they couldn’t even stand properly and just waddled around cutely. The man, wearing a teacher’s apron, held a little boy on his lap while telling a story. And judging from the way the kids stared at him in awe, he was really great.

When Chanyeol noticed him, he shot him a smile so wide and bright that Baekhyun felt his heart swell. He already knew that Chanyeol was handsome, of course, but for some reason, seeing him taking care of little kids made him like him even more.

“My shift is already over. Let me take this thing off, and I’ll be all yours” Chanyeol said, grinning at him while tugging at his apron. He disappeared in a locker room for a while, leaving Baekhyun with a bunch of staring kids and an elderly teacher on her fifties, and when he came back he was clad in tight-fitting jeans and a stylish shirt.

“You look very nice” Baekhyun complimented him, when they finally got out of the daycare centre and walked together in the street. “And I liked seeing you at your workplace.”

Chanyeol grinned, showing a dimple on his cheek. “Aren’t you going to tease me for my woman’s job?”

“Nope” Baekhyun quietly replied. “You were so happy, among all those toddlers. It was written all over your face, that you were enjoying yourself. Your eyes were shining.”

Casually, without asking anything, Chanyeol let his hand slide around Baekhyun’s holding it loosely. Feeling a little nervous, Baekhyun checked their surroundings: many people were walking down the street, and some were looking towards them. He squirmed away from Chanyeol’s hold, and the taller immediately turned his head towards him.

“Why? Don’t you like it?”

“Uhm... I like it, but people was staring.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Baekhyun sighed, folding his arms on his chest while walking beside Chanyeol. Dealing with stupid homophobes had been one of the hardest parts of his life. While he was together with Yixing, once a group of brats followed them in a dark alleyway, and they had to run and hide inside a shop to escape. That was the only scary episode that happened to him, but honestly Baekhyun thought it was enough, and since then he was much more cautious in expressing himself while he was together with his lover. And when his family basically confirmed his suspicious – that the world wasn’t ready to accept gay relationships yet – he decided that discretion was the key word.

He was lost in his thoughts, which were turning gloomier and gloomier, when Chanyeol surprised him putting his arm around his waist and pulling him close.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun panicked, trying to wriggle away from him, but the man was holding him tightly. “Let go! There’s too many people around...”

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow at him. “So?”

Baekhyun couldn’t understand. Chanyeol was staring at him in a slightly amused, but undoubtedly sweet way. “Uh... people don’t usually like gays...” He felt vaguely pathetic while saying that, as if accepting to hide and conceal what he really was, he somehow fuelled the general intolerance against homosexuals. But what was he supposed to do, then? It was just like things were, after all.

Slowly, Chanyeol hugged him, holding him against his chest. Heart hammering in his temples, Baekhyun leant his head against the man’s chest, feeling a blush creep on his face. “Chanyeol...”

“They like staring? Let them stare. I am with the person I like, and I don’t give a damn about what stupid people think of me.” Chanyeol said, making Baekhyun shiver. He sounded so _fierce_ , while saying that, so manly that he felt himself swoon.

He quickly forgot about his embarrassment, about the crowded street and about everything else, when Chanyeol’s mouth caught his in a gentle kiss.

“Don’t be ashamed of what you are, Baek” Chanyeol whispered, holding his face between his hands, “because you are wonderful just like this, okay?”

“Okay” Baekhyun robotically replied, red like a tomato. The kiss made a very distinct crave gather at the pitch of his stomach, and he knew it wasn’t just hunger.

They went for dinner at a Chinese place. Baekhyun ordered noodles and sautéed veggies for himself, but Chanyeol kept studying the menu, unable to decide what to eat. In the end, he just got some plain, white rice with sesame seeds, and even if Baekhyun was slightly perplexed by that choice, his thoughts quickly drifted elsewhere when Chanyeol asked him about his working day and they started talking. The food was great, but for some reason Chanyeol barely tasted his rice, playing idly with his chopsticks.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Baekhyun asked.

“No, it’s that... I don’t know, the flavour is weird.”

“Weird, this restaurant has fairly good ratings. I’ll ask the waiter to bring you something else.” Baekhyun was already raising his arm when Chanyeol stopped him.

“No, it’s okay. Let’s just go home.”

Something was off about him, though, while they headed towards Baekhyun’s house. They agreed to return there, since Chanyeol had a roommate and his flat was so small they would hardly get some privacy. Chanyeol looked tense, and Baekhyun couldn’t understand why.

“If you are too tired, we can call it a night.”

“No, it’s still early. And I want to spend some quality time with you” Chanyeol said, grabbing Baekhyun’s hand and bringing it to his lips quickly, adding a grin too. When they entered Baekhyun’s flat and he switched on the lights, though, he realized that Chanyeol definitely looked nervous, and his face was strangely pale.

“Are you sure you are okay?” Baekhyun asked, while taking off his shoes.

“Yes” Chanyeol reassured him. “I’m just... I just need to go to the bathroom for a sec.”

Baekhyun took off his jacket and set it aside, then went into the kitchen to pour a couple drinks. He didn’t hear Chanyeol approach, and he jumped when the boy came and hugged him from behind, nuzzling into his nape. “Sorry” he said, “I’m not feeling too well tonight.”

“Yeah, I saw you didn’t eat properly. Are you nauseous? I might have some pills, somewhere...”

He took a lateral step to reach for the cabinet where he kept his meds, but Chanyeol just held him more tightly. “Nah, it’s alright. Can we sit somewhere and cuddle?”

Baekhyun instantly forgot about the medicines and the vague sense of uneasiness that Chanyeol’s condition elicited in him. They ended up sitting on his spacious couch, watching an episode of a drama none of them ever followed before. Baekhyun made a lot of funny comments to cheer Chanyeol up, because the taller boy looked strangely out of it. Sometimes he managed to make him laugh, other times no, but after a while he caught him staring at him, and he surrendered when Chanyeol pushed onto him gently, making him lie on his. They kissed, and Baekhyun tasted a lingering flavour of mint. Did Chanyeol rinse his mouth in the bathroom, previously? For some reason, that detail made him smile.

Chanyeol was so cute and thoughtful, he liked him so much.

Sadly, though, they stopped kissing soon. “I... I’m sorry” Chanyeol blurted out, rushing towards his purse. Baekhyun looked at him, while he fumbled with the box of pills he saw before.

“Pollen allergy again?” he casually asked.

“Ah... yes” Chanyeol replied, sheepish, gulping down three pills at once. “Among other things.”

“Other things...?”

Chanyeol shot him an apologetic smile, almost drowning the water bottle. That last sentence, though, unpleasantly stuck in the back of Baekhyun’s mind. Other things? What other things?

Chanyeol was okay, right?

He hugged him with care, when he came back on the couch, holding his face so that he could look at him in the eyes. “What are you doing?” Chanyeol asked him, amused. Baekhyun brushed him thumbs over the man’s cheeks, feeling the soft skin under his fingertips.

“Nothing” Baekhyun murmured. “Just staring at you.”

Chanyeol blushed wildly, and then he grabbed and kissed one of Baekhyun’s hands. “Come here” he whispered, before reaching out and catching his lips in a searing kiss.

Something was off, though. The way their bodies warmed up against each other felt different from their first night together. And Baekhyun had a confirmation of it when Chanyeol, after a few sloppy attempts, couldn’t get himself hard.

“Don’t worry” he tried reassuring him, “it happens. You are not well... it happens.”

But Chanyeol was inconsolable. He was so ashamed of himself that he was struggling to hold back his tears, and Baekhyun found himself patting his elbow, trying to comfort him. He _really_ was okay with just going to sleep... but he couldn’t understand what was wrong with Chanyeol. Did he catch a bug from all those little kids? Or was it a banal stomach-ache, maybe a stomach flu? His forehead was cool, though, he wasn’t running a fever.

“I am so sorry” the man murmured, putting his clothes back on. “Maybe I should just go home.”

“You are not going anywhere” Baekhyun stated. He ventured into the kitchen and made tea, something warm and nice that would make Chanyeol feel better. Then, after a little thinking, he put a CD into the big stereo player in his bedroom.

When Mozart’s music flooded the room, Chanyeol, who was laying on the bed with his eyes closed, turned to look at him. “Do you recognize it?” Baekhyun smiled, approaching him with two cups of tea.

“Clarinet quintet K581 in A major” Chanyeol replied, smirking. “Your taste in music is really flawless.”

Baekhyun loved the compliment. “I always listen to it, when I feel stressed. It relaxes me.”

“It’s because of the clarinet... it sounds so soothing.”

Baekhyun took a sip of his tea, then laid down next to Chanyeol, reaching out to stroke his hair. “Sleep here with me” he offered.

“You are really sweet” Chanyeol replied, softly, still red-faced because of his recent défaillance. “Can I really?”

As an answer, Baekhyun took off his trousers and just went under the covers with his shirt still on, comfortably nestling against Chanyeol’s broad chest. “Nah. Let’s say that you must.”

He felt, more than saw, Chanyeol smile against his forehead. “You are such a sweetheart.”

“Well, I am lucky I met someone like you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You are very genuine. Honesty is what I value the most in a person, after...”

Chanyeol shifted to look at him. “After Yixing?”

Baekhyun felt a little guilty for bringing the topic up again. “I guess so” he whispered, holding Chanyeol close. “Anyway, I’m glad that you are here.”

Mozart’s music went on playing, while Baekhyun let himself fall asleep lulled by Chanyeol’s steady heartbeat.

\---oOo---

Chanyeol left early in the morning to go to work. While enjoying his coffee, Baekhyun could feel his cheeks redden at the thought of the way Chanyeol kissed him goodbye.

Still, his morning felt a little bittersweet.

Now that he thought about it with a cool head, it was quite obvious that Chanyeol was hiding something from him, something concerning his health. If there was something that Baekhyun treasured and valued about a relationship, especially after his experience with Yixing, that was honesty. 

The comparison was silly, though. Yixing and Chanyeol were so different they could hardly be put one next to each other. Yixing was too self-centred, and that was the reason why it didn’t work between them: in the end, he dumped Baekhyun because he didn’t want to have problems with his family and friends, putting his love aside. Baekhyun had a feeling in his guts that Chanyeol was sincere, when he looked at him with adoration in his eyes, and he couldn’t forget the way he held and kissed him in the street, in front of many staring people. That was something Yixing would have never done, not even for the true love of his life.

Still...

He got ready for work immersed in those gloomy thoughts, and slowly his musings drifted towards more general topics. Baekhyun was a grown man, and he was going to be thirty years old in a little while. Normal people, around his age, would get a family and get a hold of their life. Why he still felt as if everything was fluctuating and on the verge of crumbling down?

Well, he just wanted a gorgeous man to love him, hopefully a functional one and not one that would later turn into an asshole and break his heart. What was wrong about that? That was something everyone hoped for himself. It was legit.

During his lunch break he called Chanyeol. Not for particular reasons, just because he wanted to hear his voice.

“Baek” the man happily greeted him, in a tone that made Baekhyun able to _feel_ his smile, even if he couldn’t see Chanyeol’s face in that moment.

“I, uhm, just wanted to check if you were okay, I guess. Are you still feeling sick?”

In the background, Baekhyun could hear the kids’ screams and giggles. He was disturbing Chanyeol while he was at work, and he felt a little bad because of that.

“No, I’m sorry if I made you worry, it was a banal gastritis. I totally didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Be careful with yourself, okay? Can we meet tonight?”

“Sure. I’ll be at your place around eight.”

“Fine” Baekhyun sighed, feeling relieved. Maybe Chanyeol was really feeling better, now, and his stomach flu or whatever was already over. He felt silly, for fretting about a trivial thing like that. He didn’t want Chanyeol to think he was getting over-attached and annoying. “I... err, I’m sorry if I interrupted you, I just... well, I just wanted to hear your voice I guess.”

“Don’t worry, Baek” Chanyeol replied, and he could totally _hear_ the smile in his voice, “it was a nice thought. And I was happy to hear your voice as well. You are so cute, when you start to stutter like this.”

Baekhyun couldn’t erase a stupid grin from his face for the whole day. He kept smiling to himself while he flipped through the reports’ pages, while he was at the computer and while he was on lunch break. He kept glancing at his watch, hoping time would fly, but it was always too slow for his liking.

He was falling so hard for Chanyeol. If he thought objectively about it, it was even a little scary. Was he so desperate for closeness and love? But well, what was wrong exactly with that? People did it all the time, didn’t they? They would have one night stands, meet people, see the world, while he was secluded in his office or house all the time, while his life was slowly heading towards adulthood. He wasn’t a careless youth anymore... and he needed someone to love and that could love him dearly, as simple as that.

And maybe Chanyeol was Mr Right for real.

While returning home, he found himself humming Mozart’s _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_ ’s theme. He felt light, happy and airy-headed. And his heart felt free and unburdened.

When Chanyeol arrived, though, it was immediately clear to Baekhyun that he wasn’t feeling well yet. He was pale, red blotches on his cheeks, and his gaze was strangely unfocused. Baekhyun immediately went to check his forehead. “Oh no, you are unwell again.”

“I’m sorry” Chanyeol whispered, embarrassed, “I really don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“Did you see a doctor, lately?” Baekhyun was worried. This wasn’t normal.

“Uh, yeah, he said it’s nothing worrisome...”

They ended up on the couch, watching some TV together. Chanyeol’s eyes kept closing as if he was terribly tired, but Baekhyun couldn’t concentrate on the silly broadcasts and kept feeling restless.

Something was wrong with Chanyeol, and he had to know what it was. How to find out more, though?

He remembered that Chanyeol carried along a small purse, in which he put the box of pills he was taking lately. Slowly, trying not to wake him up, he disentangled himself from the bigger man’s hold and he padded barefoot towards the purse that Chanyeol hanged next to the front door. Feeling like a thief, he checked the bag’s contents: a handkerchief, tissues, a wallet and a few blisters of four different kinds of pills, all half-used. Baekhyun wasn’t an expert of pollen allergies or digestive problems, but he never heard of any of those.

In that moment, Chanyeol opened his eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing” Baekhyun replied. He grabbed the blisters and went into the bathroom. He felt bad for lying to Chanyeol, but now it was obvious that the man lied to him too, and he wanted to know at what extent.

 He read the medicines’ names from the rear of the blisters: Fluruorulacil, Docetaxel, Decadron, Mitomycin C. He never heard of those, so he decided to do a little research. He opened the browser tab in his phone and started googling the them.

It wasn’t gastritis, and not even pollen allergy. The results were so scary he didn’t even hear Chanyeol enter the bathroom. “Baek, I was... _what are you doing_?”

Baekhyun turned around to face him. “These meds” he said, “they are not for gastritis.”

Chanyeol’s face turned white. “Baek, please tell me you didn’t search those on the internet...”

Baekhyun approached him, feeling strangely disconnected from his body. His mind was racing, and his heart was thumping irregularly. He would have never expected anything like those news, and his feelings were all over the place.

A strong sense of betrayal, though, was what hit him with the most violence.

“Chanyeol... do you have stomach cancer?”

 _Google must be wrong_. That was what Baekhyun thought when he first saw the results of his search, but Chanyeol’s expression when he asked was a tragic confirmation.

He was sick. Chanyeol was sick.

“B-baek...”

“Don’t go _Baek_ on me!” Baekhyun yelled. “Yes or no?”

He was furious. Furious because Chanyeol was handsome, kind, sweet and because he fucking lied to him, just like Yixing did. Furious because he gave him his trust and probably he shouldn’t had. Sure he was furious... but Chanyeol’s broken face was drawing him in, compelling him to take a few steps towards him.

“Chanyeol” he repeated, in a softer tone, “this is not true, right? You are not sick... right?”

Chanyeol looked at him, eyes pleading, words refusing to come out of his mouth. “Yeol” Baekhyun whispered, touching his cheek. “Yeol...”

Chanyeol choked on a sob, closing his eyes. “I am so sorry” he stuttered. “I wanted to tell you... I wanted to be honest with you, I swear, I didn’t want to lie to you. But I was afraid...”

Baekhyun stared at him, heart falling apart and shattering into pieces.

“I’m so sorry, Baek, it’s true. I have a stomach cancer, and the doctors said it’s incurable.”

Baekhyun opened and closed his mouth, too shocked to talk. Not that there was much to say, anyway.

“Baek, please, speak to me” Chanyeol was pleading. “I am so sorry, Baek. I wanted to tell you... I’ve been wanting to since the beginning, I swear, but I didn’t want to ruin everything... I just wanted to...”

“What?” Baekhyun snapped. “You hid the truth from me. You fucking deceived me.”

“Baek...”

Baekhyun shoved him away, pushing against Chanyeol’s chest. “I HATE that stupid nickname! Stop calling me that!”

Chanyeol kept staring at him with those big, pleading eyes, and Baekhyun couldn’t stand it. He could feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, but damn it, he wouldn’t cry in front of that fucking _liar_. He had enough of those.

He just wanted someone to love... someone normal, dedicated and sincere. Why was it so hard to find?

He refused to look at Chanyeol, to take in fully the tears streaming over his cheeks. He didn’t want to see him cry and hurting.

Actually, he didn’t want to see him at all.

Silently, without saying anything, Chanyeol took the half-used pills blisters from the floor, where Baekhyun dropped them. He put them neatly into his purse, then wore his jacket.

He was about to turn the doorknob to get out, when he finally spoke. “As shallow as it sounds... I am sorry. I truly am.”

Baekhyun didn’t speak, while he went past the door and his heavy footsteps resonated in the staircase, slowly fading away.

Only when he heard the building’s door being slammed closed, he finally allowed himself to burst out crying.

\---oOo---

It was the dead of the night, and he didn’t know what to do. He needed to hear a friendly voice, in a moment like that, but he didn’t know whom he could call. He wasn’t really close to any of his co-workers, and his childhood friends were all in Bucheon. He considered calling his mother, but he quickly discarded the idea. No more drama.

At the end, he called the one he happened to trust the most, even if he probably wasn’t even aware of it. He dialled the number, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. In spite of the late hour, Sehun picked up immediately.

“Hello?”

“It’s me. Baekhyun.”

“Oh” the man replied, surprised. “It’s been a while since last time you called me during non-working hours.” Then, probably, he realized about the sadness in Baekhyun’s voice. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“No” Baekhyun whispered, and he broke down again. Sehun, the ever trusted and blessed secretary, waited for him to calm down a little, before telling him to wait for him. Baekhyun heard him run up the stairs a half an hour later, carrying a six pack and the biggest bag of chips he ever saw in his life.

“Junk food is the best, when you’re feeling down” Sehun explained, following Baekhyun’s gaze.

Munching on the chips, Baekhyun told him everything. About how he fell head over hills for Chanyeol, about the shocking revelation of a few hours before, about the rude way he behaved. He told him everything. That he liked Chanyeol a lot... a damn big lot... and that he hated the fact that he hid the truth from him.

“But boss” Sehun commented, stealing a handful of chips from the bag, “aren’t you being a little too hard with him?”

Baekhyun blinked. “Uh, I feel bad for yelling, yeah...”

“I didn’t mean it like that. You felt betrayed and all, and this is fine, considering the way your ex dumped you, but how do you think that guy is feeling right now?”

Baekhyun felt his own stomach clench in guilt. Sehun was absolutely right. Chanyeol was the one hurting, the one who was sick, and Baekhyun just acted like an insensitive jerk towards him.

Was he so afraid of being left alone again? Was Yixing’s ghost still haunting him so much? Sehun was right. In the end, Baekhyun shoved Chanyeol away just out of selfishness, because he didn’t want to hurt anymore.

“Do you think I screwed up everything?” he asked, wiping away the annoying tears that kept falling over his cheeks. He hated crying, because it always gave him a headache. Sehun watched him in sympathy.

“Boss, only a blind man wouldn’t realize about the fact that you are regretting what you did. I think you should just stop being proud and just call him.”

“Really” Baekhyun said. “And what should I tell him?”

“Maybe you can begin with _I’m sorry_.”

Sehun left Baekhyun’s house at dawn, turning down Baekhyun’s offer to call a cab for him. Once again, the man found himself alone, pondering about his life.

\---oOo---

In the end, he didn’t call.

A phone call wasn’t enough, in his opinion. He fished for Chanyeol’s business card, the one he was given that day on the train, and he googled his address. Before heading towards Chanyeol’s house, though, he stopped by a music shop he knew to buy a luxury Mozart’s CD box set. Maybe someone else would have bought some flowers, but Baekhyun wasn’t a flowers’ type.

The block where Chanyeol lived wasn’t far from his, but it was definitely more run down and working class. Baekhyun found himself clutching the stylishly wrapped gift to his chest while walking down the streets, afraid that someone could jump at him from behind. After a nightmarish, too long march, he finally arrived in front of Chanyeol’s door, and he knocked on it three times.

A miserable-looking Chanyeol opened the door. He was wearing an old T-shirt and shorts, and his big feet were naked on the floor’s tiles. His chin was scruffy, and his eyes were rimmed red. “Oh... it’s you.”

Suddenly, Baekhyun felt stupid, with his little stupid present in his hands and his stupid efforts to doll up and look handsome. “Chanyeol” he said, “I needed to see you. The way I behaved towards you was unforgivable, and  I owe you an apology.”

Chanyeol shook his head slowly, eyes slightly out of focus. He looked thinner, or was it just Baekhyun’s impression? Did he lose weight? His long bow legs, peeking from under the oversized shorts, were scrawny enough to make him believe so.

“It’s okay. You have every right be mad. I would be too, in your shoes.”

Unable to stand his gaze, Baekhyun beckoned towards the box in his hands. “Can... can I bring this inside?”

“Yeah, my roommate isn’t at home right now.”

Chanyeol led him inside a narrow, dim-lighted apartment, the kind Baekhyun would have hated living in. It smelled faintly of detergent, but it didn’t give him an impression of cleanliness. It was squalid and awful, and he hated thinking that Chanyeol returned in a dump like that after he pushed him away.

Since he didn’t trust his hands, he put the parcel on the kitchen’s table. “This is just a little something” he explained, “but I wanted to tell you that I am really, really sorry. Please accept it.”

Without speaking, Chanyeol reached for the parcel, tearing the wrapping paper away and revealing the luxury CD box set. “Wow” he whispered, a vague smile lingering on his lips for a moment. Baekhyun couldn’t even look at him without feeling ashamed of himself.

“I...” he started, willing to explain, to elaborate further why he came all the way to Chanyeol’s apartment, but the younger man interrupted him.

“I am sorry” Chanyeol suddenly blurted out, holding the Mozart’s CDs to his chest as if it was the most precious present, “I am so sorry. I knew it was wrong, to hide my sickness from you, but I didn’t want to lose you so soon. Everyone backs away, when I say I am sick, and I didn’t want it to happen. It’s true, I started flirting with you on the train because you were cute and I needed to feel like a functional person for a little while, but when I received your call a few days after I almost couldn’t believe it. And after we spent a little more time together, I understood I wanted to stay with you for the longest possible. Is it so wrong?”

Baekhyun’s heart was breaking. “Chanyeol, it’s alright, please, don’t be like this. I said I’m sorry too, so...”

“No, no, let me talk, please. When you told me the thing you value the most is honesty, I felt dying inside, because I wasn’t being honest at all towards you. But how could I just say the truth? I was so torn.”

“I understand” Baekhyun tried reassuring him, reaching out to stroke his face. Chanyeol was still holding his present close to his heart. “I understand it, believe me. I got angry and I yelled, I feel so bad about it. I couldn’t stop thinking of you in these last few days. I missed you.”

Slowly, Chanyeol put the CD case on the table, touching it with his finger for a little moment. Then his face scrunched up in a grimace which carried a terrible amount of pain and regret, and he fell onto his knees, right on the floor.

Baekhyun’s mind stopped functioning. He blindly reached out for the taller man, grabbing him in a killer hold. He gripped him so hard to bruise, burying his nose in his hair, while Chanyeol’s face was hidden into his waist and his desperate sobs were the only audible sound in the room.

Shocked, Baekhyun held him tight. _This isn’t happening,_ he told to himself, _this is not happening_. But Chanyeol was there, crying so hard, and all he could do was hold him and stare into nothing, heart and mind a complete mess.

But he had to do something, right? Something for him. He didn’t want to see him like that. “Come” he said, pulling him on his feet, “let’s go lay down a little. Let’s talk.”

Chanyeol let Baekhyun drag him towards a small, cramped bedroom, stumbling behind him, unable to stand his gaze. He kept crying, and Baekhyun wondered in the back of his mind just for how long the boy kept his tears bottled up. When they lied down, he faced him from across the bed. Chanyeol was staring at him with sorrow in his eyes.

“I am sorry if I yelled, the other day” Baekhyun said. He was ashamed of himself. “I am so sorry. I was so insensitive. But...”

 _But it’s cancer_.

“Stop apologizing” Chanyeol murmured, bending his long legs so that he would lie in a semi-foetal position. “I hid the truth so yeah, I lied to you.” Baekhyun followed the way the man’s arms folded around his belly, almost hugging his upper body.

“Are you... are you in pain, right now?” he asked, scared. _God, he’s hurting. He’s been hurting for all this time and I’ve never realized_.

Chanyeol sighed. “Yeah. I have these terrible stinging pains in my upper abdomen. I haven’t found an effective painkiller yet, and it’s awful.”

“We’ll find a way, Yeol. I’ll get the name of the best oncologists in Seoul and we’ll ask for an appointment.”

“You sound so hopeful” Chanyeol smiled a little, resembling for a moment the happy young man Baekhyun met by chance on that train. “I just wish it was as easy as you say... I’m afraid I don’t have much money to afford expensive healthcare.”

“We’ll see” Baekhyun said, sure of himself, starting to google the words “oncologist” and “Seoul” in his phone. “We’ll worry about that when we’ll be at that point...”

“Aah...”

“Yeol?” he called out, cringing when he noticed the way Chanyeol’s breath was laboured and his face emptied of any colour. “Chanyeol?”

“Sorry” Chanyeol whispered, his voice so low Baekhyun could barely hear him, “hurts so much.”

“Babe” Baekhyun whispered, scared. Physical pain and illnesses always scared him a lot, because he didn’t know how to react to them.

But the affectionate word which slipped past his lips somehow made a little magic. Chanyeol turned slightly to look at him. “What did you call me?” he asked, and he looked so sweet, so hopeful, in that moment, that Baekhyun melted.

“I said you’re my babe” Baekhyun whispered, gently cupping Chanyeol’s face and pressing a soft kiss on his lips. They were dry and chapped, but he didn’t care.

That was love, love of the purest kind. The kind that made his insides twist and his palms sweat. The kinds that made him walk all the way across the city to meet that frail, crying and broken man. Because he was so important to him.

They kissed for a while, gently, basking in their shared warmth and newly-found closeness. Chanyeol’s feet were cold, and Baekhyun pulled the blanket over them, isolating them from the rest of the world.

“You know” Baekhyun revealed, “you can move to my place if you want. It’s much more comfortable than here. And I can take care of you.”

“Baekhyun, the illness isn’t anything romantic. I can’t eat whatever I want, and sometimes I only manage to swallow plain rice or mashed potatoes. I have to take four different kinds of pills at various times of the day, without mentioning the regular blood testing and check-ups.”

“That’s no big deal?” Baekhyun objected, but Chanyeol’s expression prevented him from elaborate further.

“Also... when I don’t take my meds, I sometimes lose sensitivity in my lower body” Chanyeol confessed, blushing in shame.

“Your lower... oh” Baekhyun gasped, suddenly collecting dots. The first time they had sex, Chanyeol rushed to take his pills, and then he waited for some time for them to take effect. And he remembered very well the recent time he struggled to hold back his tears because he couldn’t get hard. “Chanyeol” he whispered, rubbing the man’s arm.

“I know it’s silly” Chanyeol said, biting the inside of his cheek, “and it’s not a very important symptom, compared to the others... but it was really killing me, lately. I enjoy being with you, and it was agony, knowing that if I don’t take those fucking pills I wouldn’t even be able to satisfy you.”

 _Satisfy_ , Baekhyun thought. That word sounded somewhat crude, and it compelled him to stroke Chanyeol’s hair. “You’re not here to satisfy me, Chanyeol. We are lovers, right? I am here for you too. To support you, I mean.”

Chanyeol shook his head slowly. “You are sweet, but you don’t know what you’re talking about. The disease is scary, Baekhyun. Sometimes I get these seizing cramps, and I faint because it’s too painful to stand. Other times I puke or shit blood, and I get weak to the point that I need to eat but I can’t keep anything into my stomach.”

 _God in Heavens_. A very vivid, splatter image of Chanyeol vomiting a red mess straight into a toilet made him feel almost sick for a second. Then he remembered where he was and above all what he was doing, realizing that Chanyeol started crying softly against his hand. “It’s so horrible, Baek. I feel... I feel doomed.”

Baekhyun knew there wasn’t much to say, but he still felt that he had to comment, at least to let Chanyeol know how he really felt. He desperately wanted to comfort him, to make him feel his closeness and sympathy. Above all, though, he wanted him to stop crying.

Because seeing him crying was breaking his heart.

“Chanyeol” he whispered, “don’t be like this. I know I got mad, but I am not a cruel asshole. I won’t dump you because you are sick. This happens, right? We’ll be in this together. Don’t cry. And please, don’t say you are doomed.”

 _How shallow_ , Baekhyun thought, cringing at the dryness of what he just said. Words were really not necessary, when someone was crying and in pain. He kept stroking Chanyeol’s hair, hoping the gesture would be more effective than his ramblings.

Chanyeol moved a little closer. “You really are an angel” he murmured, his lips only a few millimetres away from Baekhyun’s, their breaths mingling and dampening their faces. “But I don’t know if it’s right for me to burden you. I’ll become a problem for you, if this thing between us keeps going on...”

A stone heaved on Baekhyun’s chest. “What do you mean?”

“I already told you that the disease is incurable. I will d-“

“Don’t” Baekhyun shushed him, putting his fingers on his mouth, “don’t say it, okay? Don’t.”

“But it’s the truth, Baek.” Now Chanyeol was sobbing. “It’s how things are. I will die, sooner or later. And I don’t want to drag you along in this mess... you are amazing. You deserve better. I was selfish, thinking that I could date you pretending everything was normal. I was thinking about me, not about you.”

Baekhyun looked at him, paralysed by that sudden statement. “Chanyeol” he murmured, feeling something tug at his heart when the taller man started to whine softly, just like a little boy, tears streaming down his face. “Chanyeol, baby...”

He desperately thought of something to say, something that would soothe and make Chanyeol calm down for real, but he couldn’t find it. Words weren’t enough.

He held him tightly, never stopping to caress his hair, his face and shoulders. Sometimes he reached out to wipe his cheeks, but he didn’t say anything. It was the only thing he could do, and he did his best, but he really couldn’t help feeling his heart swell when Chanyeol spoke again.

“I like it when you hug me like this” he said, “your arms feel... safe. I love it.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes, overwhelmed. It was the exact same he felt on his own skin when Chanyeol was the one holding him. Memories of their first night together flooded his heart, making him unconsciously tighten his arms around his lover.

“Chanyeol” he said, “I think we both were a little selfish, when we first met.”

The taller man propped himself on an elbow, giving him his attention. His eyes were swollen and his expression still miserable, but the worst part of the crisis seemed to be over. Tenderly, Baekhyun cupped his face between his hands. “You wanted someone to love you in spite of your illness, and I wanted someone to love me even if I had been dumped like a pair of old socks.” He giggled mirthlessly. “We are both imperfect and insecure, and we have so many flaws. But I’d like to try going on with this... thing we have.”

“You are so sweet” Chanyeol repeated, closing his eyes tiredly, “but you really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Waiting for him to look at him again, Baekhyun kissed his lips. “Please, trust me. I love you too much to give up on you so easily.”

Chanyeol’s eyes were red-rimmed, wide and astonished, but after that declaration of love and commitment, his expression finally softened. “Because I am tougher than what I look” Baekhyun added, to unshed the last lingering tension, and he was relieved to hear Chanyeol finally give in a small laugh.

“I have no words to tell how much I love you” Chanyeol whispered, pressing his cheek against Baekhyun’s heart.

Baekhyun continued to hold and stroke him until he fell asleep.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  
> I forgot to say that this story will (hopefully) update every Sunday. Also, read the warnings carefully... and remember that I love comments. :)  
> Have a nice read!

Reality hit him like a hammer when he got a call at work, a couple days after Chanyeol’s revelation. He was at a meeting, when Sehun nudged him and handed him his phone. “Yeah?” Baekhyun replied, annoyed. The meeting was important, and he didn’t like interruptions.

“This is the Happy Smile daycare centre” a female voice said, “am I talking to Mr Byun?”

Baekhyun felt his face empty of every colour. “It’s me” he croaked in the phone. Happy Smile was the place where Chanyeol worked.

“I’m sorry, but teacher Park told me to call you...”

“What happened?”

The woman hesitated. She must have been that elderly teacher, Chanyeol’s only colleague. “This morning he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. I told him to go home and rest, but he said he was okay. A few minutes later he started seizing and collapsed on the floor.”

Baekhyun cringed at the word. _Seizing_. “Where... where is he now?”

“At the hospital” the woman replied, before adding: “Are you his friend? Can you please go check on him? I know he has some health issues, but I had no idea it was this serious. I am so worried... he’s such a sweet boy, the kids adore him.”

 _Oh God_. Baekhyun thanked the lady and ended the call, returning to the buzz of the meeting room. “Sehun” he said to the secretary sitting beside him, “I need to go. Something urgent came up.”

“But the meeting...”

“Apologize to everyone on my behalf” Baekhyun said, grabbing his purse. “I really need to go.”

He flew, more than ran, to the hospital the woman told him. Guilt was crushing him, since he was aware of the fact that Chanyeol looked particularly bad, earlier on that morning, when they woke up and were getting ready for work. He tried convincing him to take his car to go to work, but Chanyeol was stubborn and told him he’d rather walk.

When Baekhyun arrived at the hospital, he rushed at the front desk. “Park Chanyeol, please” he said, “I need to see him.”

“Are you a relative?” a nurse asked, eyeing him in a way that made Baekhyun feel self-conscious.

“N-no” Baekhyun replied, “but...”

“I can’t allow you to see him, then. Sorry, sweetie.”

Baekhyun stared at her, incredulous. “I... I am his boyfriend...” Was he? Was he really? Not that it was time to ask himself silly questions, though. “I really need to see him right now.”

The woman shrugged. “It’s the rules, honey, I’m sorry. I can just allow relatives in, at the moment.”

Baekhyun couldn’t believe the absurdity of the whole situation. “I insist. He must be in a terrible state of mind, it’s not good for him to be alone. Can you please tell me where is he? I’ll just pay a short visit and I’ll leave soon.”

“You can come with me, if you want.”

Baekhyun turned abruptly, startled by the fresh, female voice ringing behind him. A cute girl was looking at him from under her bangs, studying him. “I am Chanyeol’s sister, Yoora” the girl stated, reaching out for his hand.

“Uh... Byun Baekhyun” he replied, absently shaking that hand. Yoora’s grip, though, was honest and strong.

“Did I understand correctly? You said you are my brother’s boyfriend?”

 _This is not happening_. Baekhyun was about to turn and dash towards the entrance of the hospital. He wasn’t ready for anything like that yet...

Yoora, though, was still looking at him, and surprisingly enough, there wasn’t any hostility in her glance. “Come. They won’t have anything to say if you are with me.”

“Thanks” Baekhyun replied softly, fear deflating quickly. He followed Yoora in the elevator, and when the doors closed, trapping the both of them inside of the small cubicle, he found himself staring at her. She was indeed Chanyeol’s sister... she had his same big eyes, but her face lacked that peculiarity that was just Chanyeol’s. Her beauty was more ordinary, in Baekhyun’s opinion.

“Chanyeol told me he was seeing someone” Yoora began, breaking the uncomfortable silence, “and he sounded very fond at the phone. No wonder you ran all the way to here and got so upset when the nurse didn’t let you in. Are you alright?”

Baekhyun nodded, mesmerized. Chanyeol’s sister indeed... she was just as direct as him.

“I guess so. Did you talk to him? How is he?”

Yoora shook her head slowly. “He is a fighter, but the illness is no joke. Sometimes he’s fine, but a few moments later he’s spasming in pain. I wonder if he endures it just for the sake of us... of the people who love him, I mean, not to upset them, or if it’s really so sudden and unpredictable.”

Baekhyun dug his teeth on his lower lip. “He tried hiding the whole thing from me at first” he said. He had no idea why he was spilling everything to Chanyeol’s sister like that, but it felt right doing it. He had a feeling that she would understand him. “He tried his damnest to prevent me from knowing anything. I got mad at him when I found out, but then I understood his mind. I would like helping him somehow... do you think it’s possible?”

Yoora kept staring at him with her big eyes. “Gosh” she said, “you really are something, aren’t you?”

Baekhyun blinked, confused, but then the elevator’s door opened, letting them into the ward. “This way” Yoora said, leading the way, and Baekhyun walked beside her. Hospitals were always scary to him, since he hated seeing people suffering and in pain. He walked through the main corridor keeping his gaze low, unwilling to meet anyone’s eyes.

When they reached Chanyeol’s room, the first thing that Baekhyun thought was that the bed was too short for him. His long feet were peeking from under the greenish blanket, looking somehow pitiful. Without thinking, he stepped inside before  Yoora to pull the blanket over Chanyeol’s toes.

“Hey” Chanyeol said, smiling at him. He was pale against the thick pillow, and his dark hair were forming a messy halo around his face. Some of them even stuck to his forehead in a weird way, but Baekhyun’s heart leapt when he met his gaze, a strange and totally out of place thought taking form in his mind.

 _He’s so beautiful_.

“Hey” he whispered back, reaching out to stroke the fringe away from the laying man’s forehead, combing the hair with his fingers, “your colleague called me.  How are you feeling?”

Chanyeol smiled, looking a little dreamy. “Better, now” he said, slurring a little, maybe because of the strong painkillers. His bare arm was connected to an IV line, the needle sinking into his skin disappearing under a huge band-aid.

“Are you sure? Do you need something, water? Tea?”

Chanyeol patted his own big hand over Baekhyun’s small one. “I am okay” he reassured him, “I really am, now. I almost can’t feel anything anymore.”

“I’m glad.”

“Did the children get scared, at work? They must have been scared...”

“Don’t worry, they are fine. Your colleague seems a great woman. I’m sure she handled the situation in the best way.”

Chanyeol’s eyes were on him and their hands were still brushing against each other. Under that gaze and touch Baekhyun easily forgot about the second-hand embarrassment with the nurse, previously, and with Yoora. He lost himself in a bubble where he was alone with Chanyeol, who was staring at him with his beautiful eyes.

“You scared me” he said, “why did you go to work? You should have just stayed home.”

“I know...” Chanyeol began, but then Yoora, who was still in the background, suddenly coughed, and they both quickly returned to reality. When the girl spoke, though, the tension was easily broken.

“Brother, I am amazed. You got such a caring boyfriend, I’m envious.”

The joke elicited a general laughter, which made everyone, especially  Baekhyun, feel better. The three started chatting casually, and if it wasn’t for the hospital bed and the tubes stuck in Chanyeol’s arm, it would have been like a nice gathering. Yoora was funny and witty, and she made a lot of hilarious jokes that Baekhyun enjoyed a lot. They were still giggling when a doctor peeked in, asking to talk to her, and Baekhyun stayed with Chanyeol while she joined the doctor into his office.

“Your sister is awesome” Baekhyun said, stroking Chanyeol’s hand. He had been doing it since he came, because it felt calming to him.

“Yeah, she’s great. The best noona ever. I used to chase her boyfriends away when I was little, because I wanted her all for myself.”

“You little creep.”

Chanyeol giggled. He was a little high on painkillers, and he looked somewhat dreamy, but his sweet smile was like medicine to Baekhyun. When Chanyeol smiled like that, he could easily forget about his worries and insecurities.

“Uh... I am a little thirsty” Chanyeol said after a while, looking embarrassed. “Would you mind going to the vending machine to get me a bottle of water?”

“Sure.”

Baekhyun walked out of the room, heading towards the vending machine he remembered seeing before next to the elevator, but doing so he stumbled upon Yoora, who was standing outside of the room, wiping her eyes angrily. When he noticed that she was crying, Baekhyun’s stomach clenched. He approached her quietly, handing her a tissue, and she gladly took it.

“Thanks” she whispered.

“Is it bad?” Baekhyun asked, without beating around the bush. “It’s getting worse, isn’t it?”

She nodded, burying her face in the tissue to hide her sobbing. Baekhyun noticed that she wasn’t making any noise, probably not to let Chanyeol hear.

Slowly, Baekhyun hugged her, holding her slender frame close. Yoora’s crisis, though, was over quickly. “The doctor said the cancer is spreading” she whispered, “and that it’s too late to intervene surgically.”

Baekhyun couldn’t say anything. He tried clicking together the images of Chanyeol laughing in his hospital bed and that of his probable death, but his mind refused to visualize it. Chanyeol couldn’t simply die like that. It was just... it was just not possible. “Are there no other cures? Chemotherapy? Medicines?”

Yoora shook her head, wrapping her arms around his waist. They hugged, holding each other for a while, trying to keep themselves together and gain back the composure to face Chanyeol with a smile. They couldn’t return to him looking like that. They had to think of him first, and of them later.

Lost in that kind of thoughts, Baekhyun hugged Chanyeol’s sister, basically still an unknown, but with whom was currently sharing a lot. It was a very weird feeling, but definitely positive. Yoora somehow _accepted_ him, as a person and as her brother’s boyfriend, and Baekhyun wasn’t used to that. _I wish I had a sister like her_ , he found himself thinking.

Also, maybe holding Yoora would prevent himself from falling apart.

“Let’s get back in” Yoora said, gently pushing Baekhyun away. “Are you okay?”

“Guess so. And you?”

She winked, making Baekhyun smirk, and then she returned inside while he went to get the water Chanyeol asked for.

“What did the doctor say?” Chanyeol asked, worried, when Baekhyun was back. “It took a lot of time...”

Calmly, Yoora sat on the edge of the bed, while Baekhyun did the same on the other side. “Brother, I won’t lie to you. He said it’s worsening, but I think you already realized it.”

Chanyeol sighed, sinking back against the pillow. “Yeah, I know. The pains are more severe lately, and I have trouble eating pretty much anything, even what I used to tolerate well. I guess it’s not something I wouldn’t imagine, yes.”

Baekhyun grabbed Chanyeol’s hand, holding it like he did previously, then, without thinking, he brought it to his lips and kissed it. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure out something.”

Chanyeol shot him a weak smile. “Really?”

“Really, trust me. I’ll find a cure.”

Yoora was looking at Baekhyun intently, and under that hopeful gaze, Baekhyun felt suddenly trapped. He flipped through various clinics’ websites, previously, but he still had no real plans about what to do for Chanyeol.

“Public hospitals won’t do. I think we’ll need a private clinic. I heard that the average of overcoming the illness if you go private is increased of almost the forty percent...”

“Won’t it be expensive, though?” Yoora tried objecting, but her voice was still vibrant. She was hoping Baekhyun was right, and that there was someone, out there, who could save her brother.

Chanyeol, though, didn’t say anything. He was laying against the pillow, staring into nothing. “That won’t be an issue” Baekhyun replied, holding his hand tighter. “I have a pretty big sum stored away.”

Yoora’s breath hitched. “Baekhyun, you can’t...”

“Why not? It’s my money, I can do what I want with that. And I want Chanyeol to get better soon.”

Yoora smiled, wiping her nose. “Damn. How come the best guys are always gay or taken?”

That elicited a general laughter, and even Chanyeol snorted, squeezing Baekhyun’s had gently. Yoora bent down to kiss her brother’s cheek, recommending him to call home from time to time, then said goodbye. She hugged Baekhyun for long before going, giving him her phone number. “I want to introduce you to my mom next time” she said. “I’m sure she will love you.”

“If your mother is as awesome as your sister,  I think I will enjoy meeting her” Baekhyun told Chanyeol, when they were alone again. The laying man’s expression, though, was strangely pensive. “Something’s wrong?”

Chanyeol didn’t reply immediately. He sighed, and Baekhyun saw his face scrunch up in pain. Chanyeol had been trying to conceal it for all the time Yoora was there.

“You should have let me know you were in this state!” he protested, grabbing a tissue from a dispenser to wipe Chanyeol’s brow, which was covered by a shining layer of sweat. “I could have called the doctor or something...”

“I didn’t want sis to see me like this.”

Baekhyun threw the tissue in the waste bin, and then smoothed Chanyeol’s tousled hair away from his face. “But why? She is your sister.”

“You said it” the other weakly replied, “because she’s my sister. I don’t want her to see me like this. It would break her heart.”

Baekhyun felt his eyes swell with unshed tears. Chanyeol was such an angel. Almost angrily, he took his phone and started researching again, wiping at his eyes and nose from time to time.

“Baek? What are you doing?”

“Looking for a damn clinic. First of all, we have to get you out of here.”

“Baek, the thought of you wasting your money for me makes me uncomfortable...”

“Shut up, I don’t wanna hear you talk like this. Oh, this looks good. St. Andrew’s clinic. Look, it’s a luxury place. They have fancy rooms with TV, conditioned air and you can even hire private nurses. How does it sound?”

“Baek...”

“Or we might look for a place abroad.”

“Can we... not talk about this, now?”

Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol. He was wheezing lightly, wincing from time to time.

“Okay. What am I supposed to do, then?”

“Talk to me. I like your voice. But not about hospitals, if you can.”

Baekhyun scratched his nose, embarrassed. He understood Chanyeol’s wish to change topic, but he knew that they couldn’t walk in circles like that forever. “Uhm... I don’t know what to say.”

“Ask me something about me” Chanyeol softly encouraged him. “We still know each other so little. Sometimes I feel there are so many things left to ask you...”

Baekhyun unconsciously smiled, leaning forward and burying his nose in Chanyeol’s hospital pyjama. His scent, which he liked so much, was still strong in spite of the detergent’s smell permeating the somewhat sturdy material, and his body was warm under the light blanket. “You ask first then” he whispered. Chanyeol’s heartbeat was loud and steady against his ear. “What do you want to know?”

“How did you find out you were gay?”

Baekhyun snorted. “What kind of question is this?”

“You said ask first, didn’t you?”

“Okay then.” He sighed, trying to collect his thoughts. “I was twenty-one, and I was attending university. I remember being alone, bored out of my mind in one of the campus’ bars. My drink tasted like nothing, and I was getting sick of seeing lovey-dovey couples and happy bunches of friends all around me. I kept feeling out of place, as if something inside of me was malfunctioning. I felt different from all the others.”

He stopped, lost in the memory. Chanyeol’s hand rose and tangled in his hair, stroking it gently. “And then?” he softly urged.

Baekhyun closed his eyes. “There was some music playing... and after a while, I found myself listening to that old song, _Somebody to love_.”

Chanyeol smirked, but didn’t stop caressing his hair. His thick fingers on Baekhyun’s scalp felt amazing. “Lame, I know. But then I remember thinking, _oh  God, I really want someone to love as well._ Weird, uh? My brains started making associations, and all of a sudden I was craving having someone that could cure my loneliness. I suddenly started looking around, staring at the girls in the bar. Some of them were pretty, but I didn’t feel attracted to them. It was a very weird feeling. I distinctly remember myself thinking, _what’s wrong with me_? Then, I made the biggest mistake I could ever do.”

“Yixing, uh?”

“Yeah. I called him.” Baekhyun swallowed, like every time that Yixing was brought up in a casual conversation. “He was my childhood friend. We’ve known each other since we were little. He moved with his parents in the house next to my parents’, and we were always playing together. We grew up together, you could say. We were similar, or at least so I thought.” He made a pause, nuzzling against Chanyeol’s chest. He was so warm and comforting that he wished he could just jump into bed with him and hold him close. “He was in Seoul, because I knew he was working part-time at an entertainment company. So I asked if he could come to see me, that night, in that campus’ bar.”

Chanyeol went on stroking him, waiting for him to go on. He didn’t ask him for details, he didn’t urge him to finish. He just listened with his eyes closed, and Baekhyun noticed that, thankfully enough, he even looked more relaxed, as if his pain somehow decreased a little.

_Can I really bare my soul to him like this? Shall I really tell to this suffering man the most shameful part about myself?_

“I really made a fool of myself, that night. I was already tipsy when he arrived, and I ended up piss drunk when the bar owner practically threw us out in the early hours in the morning. Yixing helped me to get safely in my dorm, and there I did a really stupid thing, which I still regret. I seduced him, and that night we slept together.”

Baekhyun cringed at the memory. If he closed his eyes, he could still remember the way Yixing tried protesting at first, but then slowly gave in. Yixing wanted him too, and just like him, he was scared of being alone.

“Yixing _tried_ being a good boyfriend, I think. He really tried. We lived together in Seoul pretty happily, until his family started pressuring him about getting married and get a hold of his life. And when the moment came, he couldn’t tell them the truth.

“Don’t think of him as an asshole, though... he came to me crying, apologizing countless times. The breakup hurt him just as much hurt me, but I also think he looked somewhat _relieved_ , when everything was over. Maybe he was tired of hiding, or couldn’t cope with the difficulties of being a gay man in a homophobic country like Korea. Or maybe he was just tired of being with me, I don’t know. I knew it was hard for him, and that he probably was using his family as an excuse to leave, but our breakup really killed me, even if I kind of saw it coming.”

Baekhyun swallowed, leaning into Chanyeol’s hand. “I told to myself that I would never date anyone, after him. That love wasn’t such a big deal, that it wasn’t worth the pain. I focused on my career and started working my ass off to forget the pain. Before meeting you, I thought I wasn’t able to feel anything, anymore. But you proved me I was wrong.”

He glanced up, trying to spy Chanyeol’s reaction, but the man was asleep, finally showing a peaceful expression.

“You weren’t lying, when you said my voice is relaxing.” Baekhyun let Chanyeol sleep, placing a small kiss on his cheek before going. What was his life before meeting him? He had a vague memory of lonely nights in front of his TV, or solitary gym sweats, but really, it was all in the past. His life, now, consisted of Chanyeol. Even work was just a secondary worry, now.

Quickly, and scarily enough, Chanyeol engulfed his entire existence.

At home, he quickly showered and then sat at his kitchen’s counter with a notepad and a pen, starting his research task. He called first that St. Andrew’s clinic that caught his attention, then sorted through a list that he previously made. At the hospital, Yoora gave him a copy of Chanyeol’s medical record, so that he could explain the situation better.

Baekhyun had high expectations. He was sure he could find a good solution for Chanyeol. While he went on calling a clinic after another, though, his frail castle of hope started crumbling down.

The doctors at the public hospital were right, after all. Chanyeol’s stadium was too advanced for a surgery to be truly effective, and he was having confirmations of that even talking to other doctors. Chemotherapy and medicines couldn’t be of much use either, and when he reached the end of his list without finding any clinic willing to accept Chanyeol, reality hit Baekhyun like a hammer.

 _Maybe it’s true that I can’t do anything, then_.

A tear silently fell over his cheek, startling him.

 _Nope. I won’t let this happen_.

He wiped his face and furiously started typing in Google, looking for other clinics and hospitals abroad. He found a few in China, and since he knew a bit of Chinese he even tried calling some of them, always getting the same reply.

 _Don’t give up_ , he kept telling himself, while researching. It was getting late, but he didn’t care. He brewed some coffee, and went on. _It’s for Chanyeol. Don’t give up_.

He was determined to drain his bank account, if necessary. He didn’t care about anything, anymore. He just wanted him to get healthy again.

He wanted to be with him, with Chanyeol, like normal couples did. That quick taste of normal dating they had before he found out about Chanyeol’s illness was too little. He wanted more... he wanted to be with Chanyeol for much, much longer.

Probably forever, even if it was the lamest of clichés.

That realisation made him cry for real, making big, salty tears roll down his cheeks. He got to the point that he had to stop, because he couldn’t even see the computer screen.

 _I don’t want to lose him_.

 _I really don’t_.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some graphic depictions of illness in this one, guys. :(

Baekhyun was heading towards the hospital. He chose a route longer than usual, trying to prolong the walk and clarify his mind before meeting Chanyeol.

Earlier on that day, he woke up with a killer headache and a sore neck, finding out that he fell asleep on his kitchen’s table.

In the end, none of the clinics he called were willing to accept Chanyeol.

 _I feel doomed_ , Chanyeol told him, and the misery in his voice went straight to Baekhyun’s heart, that time. Without even knowing, while he was holding him, that day, he silently promised to protect him. In a way, to save him.

But he wasn’t a knight in shining armour. He couldn’t make miracles happen.

And right now, he couldn’t even face Chanyeol without bursting out crying. He considered calling him and saying that he had a work appointment, but he just couldn’t. It was just a cheap excuse, and it wasn’t fair towards Chanyeol. And not even towards Yoora, to be honest.

Yeah, Yoora.

With trembling fingers, Baekhyun fished for his phone, then texted her.

 _I’m sorry, but I couldn’t find any clinic that could cure Chanyeol’s illness. I don’t know what to do_.

The girl texted him back almost immediately.

 _Keep searching_.

Baekhyun was feeling a little more optimistic, when he arrived at the hospital. If Yoora believed in him, then he should have believed in himself too. Korean clinics wouldn’t accept Chanyeol? So what? His English was decent enough to let him try with Europe, and USA too. Even Japan, maybe. Sooner or later, he would find a solution. He just had to keep trying, just like Yoora said.

The thing was, how much time did he have exactly?

When he got in, Chanyeol was staring towards the window, but when he heard him coming he immediately turned his head towards him. “Hey” he greeted, and Baekhyun’s feet stopped right on the threshold, unable to move. Chanyeol looked as pale as a ghost, dark circles very evident. Even his lips were pale and washed out, barely rosy. When he noticed Baekhyun’s expression, though, he chuckled mirthlessly. “Don’t look at me like that. It was just a pretty bad night.”

Baekhyun finally found the strength to come in and sit by the bed. Chanyeol was so weak that his talking came out slurred, as if his tongue and lips were numbed out by the painkillers.

“Yeol” he whispered, reaching out to stroke the other’s hair. Chanyeol leant on the touch, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry, babe” he whispered back, “I’m fighting, I really am. But it’s difficult.”

Baekhyun _tried_ to fight the tears. He really tried, but he couldn’t stop them from spilling and roll down his cheeks. “This is s-so fucking unfair” he managed to stutter in between the violent sobs. He hated seeing Chanyeol suffer. He hated it with all his being. His face was made to be smiling and florid, with those cheeks that still looked a little chubby. He couldn’t stand seeing him so gaunt and weak. It was an agony.

Slowly, Chanyeol lifted a hand and touched Baekhyun’s head, lightly stroking his bangs. “Stop crying” he said. “I don’t want to see you crying, okay?”

Baekhyun wiped his face, trying to stop, but it was like the dam finally broke. He couldn’t fight the tears. “I c-can’t.”

Eventually, though, he managed to calm down. Maybe it was because of Chanyeol’s hand touching him, or because a nurse suddenly sticking her head in to check if everything was alright, he somehow succeeded in getting a hold of himself.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol” he apologized, when the woman was gone and he could sit by the bed again. He fixed his sleeve, because the nurse just scrunched it upwards without rolling it neatly. Chanyeol’s arm was covered in bruises because of the continuous needle punctures, his beautiful white skin marred with ugly streaks of purple.

“Rule number two: don’t apologize either.”

That made Baekhyun smirk in spite of everything. “You’re really something, still being able to joke even in a situation like this.”

Chanyeol smiled, but it was just the ghost of the smile that made Baekhyun fall in love. Softly, Baekhyun resumed caressing his hair. “You are really strong, babe” he said.

“Not really” Chanyeol replied. “Just when you are here, I think. Your presence... I don’t know, it does something to me. Something good.”

Baekhyun leant over to kiss his cheek. “Are you saying I’m like medicine?”

“The best medicine ever.” Chanyeol’s lips were dry, but Baekhyun kissed him nonetheless, trying to make him feel the closeness and the care.

He had been dying to kiss him again, he realized.

“I brought something for you.”

Chanyeol’s sunken eyes seemed to brighten up a bit. “Really? What?”

With a smirk, Baekhyun took out from his purse an old walkman CD player and plugged the earphones into Chanyeol’s ears. “Our favourite stress-reliever.”

The smile spreading through Chanyeol’s face when he pressed the play button made Baekhyun smile too. “Divertimento in D major” Chanyeol murmured. “Impossible to listen to it without feeling good.”

“I know right.” Baekhyun took his phone. “Mind if I make some calls, meanwhile?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “Actually, no. I could stay here listening to Mozart and staring at you for a very long while without getting tired.”

Baekhyun blushed, resuming his research job. He texted Sehun, that morning, telling him that he wouldn’t come to work on that day either, and that he was probably going to take the whole week off. The secretary panicked a little at his words, but then he said he would take care of it, so Baekhyun was confident that everything would be alright. It was nice, knowing that Sehun was on his side.

This time, he started from Japan. He carefully noted down a few private clinics’ names, then called them one by one. His Japanese was a little rusty, and he found himself talking in English to get himself understood. He got a few rejects, but he didn’t stop. After a while, a woman from the call centre of a private clinic in Kyoto revealed to him something interesting.

Apparently, their hospital was sponsoring an experimental cure in the USA, which was based on a particular way of cutting the root of the tumours during surgery. According to the experts who were carrying on the experimentation, the success rate until now was total, since the three patients they cured with this method were all healthy afterwards. When he was told those news, Baekhyun’s heart rate sped up.

“Is there a way to sign up for the experimental cure?”

“Sir, I believe there’s a waiting list, and it’s pretty long. Also, since it’s still experimental, it’s very costly.”

“Can you give me more details, please?”

The secretary sent him an email with the address and website of the American hospital, as well as the private number of the doctor who was carrying on the experimentation.

“Chanyeol, look, I finally got something...” Baekhyun started, wanting to show him, but he stopped immediately when he noticed that Chanyeol was dozing off, lulled by the music.

“Oh, he’s finally asleep” the same nurse of before said, coming in to check on him. “Poor sweetie, he couldn’t get a wink of sleep for the whole night.”

“I think it’s the music” Baekhyun said, smiling at her. She was young and cute, and the way she handled an optic thermometer and checked on Chanyeol’s temperature instead of shoving a traditional one under his pit was delicate and considerate. “He loves Mozart.”

The girl looked at him. “Uh, I came in to plug the earphones on his phone last night, to help him sleep, but it wasn’t enough.”

Baekhyun blushed, unsure of what to say, but she just patted his shoulder. “I’ll be back later with his medicines. Stay as you want, dear.”

While Chanyeol was asleep, Baekhyun carefully read the email from the Japanese clinic. Everything looked nice... the doctor in charge of the experimentation was a well-known oncologist who published various articles about the cure he invented. To sign up for participating in the experimentation, patients needed to fill in a form that relieved the clinic’s staff from any responsibility about a possible bad outcome.

That last statement made Baekhyun quiver, but he went on reading. The cost for the whole procedure, including the clinic’s stay costs, was around five hundred thousand American dollars.

Five hundred thousand dollars.

Five hundred _fucking_ thousand dollars.

Panic took over him. He bragged to Yoora and Chanyeol that he had money stored away, but not as nearly that much. He boldly stated that he could do something to help Chanyeol get better... but he couldn’t imagine anything like this.

Chanyeol whimpered in his sleep, and Baekhyun reached out to stroke his head. He sent the explanatory email to Yoora, nervously waiting for her reply. According to what she told him the day before, she was working her ass off at a broadcasting station, and her boss didn’t let her get much free time to visit her brother.

She texted back almost immediately.

_Fuck, it’s too much._

_I know right. How can we get all this money?_

_We could ask for a loan, I guess, but my parents are still paying the house’s mortgage, so I don’t know if the bank would let us._

Baekhyun started making calculations at a crazy speed. He had more or less two hundred thousand dollars stored away. Was there something he could get rid of, that he could sell? He owned a BMW sports car which was still fairly new. Maybe he could get a good prize. But what to do for the rest? Could he ask for a loan himself? Or else...

He took a deep breath.

If he sold his fancy studio apartment in Gangnam, he could have asked for more than two hundred fifty thousand dollars. If he was super lucky, even for three hundred thousand.

He immediately contacted a real estate agency he knew for a confirmation, then he texted Yoora.

 _Found a solution. If I sell my car and apartment, I’ll manage to gather enough money_.

This time, Yoora called him. “Baekhyun, that’s too much” she said. “You’re basically giving up everything for him.”

Baekhyun stopped breathing for a second.

It was true, wasn’t it? He was giving up his comfortable life to let a man he’d known by a couple weeks only get an expensive cure abroad. For a moment, he felt overwhelmed by the whole situation.

Was he brave enough to really do something like this?

“I see no other solution, Yoora.”

“Well, at least take some time to think about it. Please. I won’t lie, this is making me so happy, but I feel uncomfortable, thinking that you’re sacrificing this much because of my brother. And if I know him, he won’t be too happy about it as well.”

“Okay. I’ll think about it for a while.”

“You’re really a brave man, Baekhyun. I admire you.”

Baekhyun snorted. “No, please, don’t say anything like that. It’s not true.”

“It is” Yoora complimented him, “and my baby bro is so damn lucky. Just don’t feel forced to do anything, please. Do only what you’re comfortable with.”

“Okay. I’ll call you later.”

They said goodbye to each other.

Chanyeol twitched in his sleep, shifting his head a little, and one of the plugs fell on the pillow. Baekhyun readjusted it with trembling fingers, trying not to wake him up. The hospital room was so silent that he could faintly hear the bright, cheerful music if he focused enough. The whole ward was silent as a graveyard though... maybe because most of the people there were dying.

He sat back on his chair, fear eating him alive. What if this was just a huge mistake? What if the surgery would fail? And what if Chanyeol’s condition would suddenly get worse?

Slowly, though, after that moment of confusion, Baekhyun started to calm down. If he did nothing, Chanyeol would die. And if he did something, at least he would be given a chance to get better. Various scenarios of the two of them being happy and careless in a nearby future made Baekhyun shiver. He remembered well how it felt walking down the street with his little hand safely encased in Chanyeol’s bigger one, or basking in the aftermath of their lovemaking. He wanted to have countless dinner dates with him, to see his eyes brighten up when tasting good food. He wanted to go to movies, to concerts, on vacation with him. He wanted to do grocery shopping and jog together in the park at the morning. He wanted everything...

He found himself thinking about love, while he was there, in the dim hospital room watching Chanyeol sleep. He used not to believe in love at first sight, or that two people could become attached in such a short time, but it happened, and to him of all people. He loved Chanyeol with his whole heart and soul, and thinking closely, money wasn’t his only worry at that moment.

The main fear he had, actually, was the uncertainty. Maybe selling his car wouldn’t be enough. What if he had to leave his job too? The severance indemnity would be good, he was sure of that, but work had always been his sanctuary, the thing he could focus on when everything crumbled down, able to absorb his attention and keep his loneliness at bay. Was he really ready to do such a bold thing?

He needed to do something, or fear would have engulfed him completely. He needed to make a move, to start something, or his resolution would have crumbled away.

Speaking softly not to wake Chanyeol up, he called the estate agency and told them he wished to sell his apartment. The man he spoke to said he would come for an inspection the day after.

Baekhyun was practically wheezing during the whole phone call, but when he hanged up he felt suddenly relieved. Lighter.

The next thing he did was googling an used cars’ salon and set a price for his BMW. Caught in the flow, he even called the bank, telling them to transfer the whole account’s content on his credit card.

The last thing he did was calling Sehun. The secretary was probably busy with something, because his phone rang several times but he didn’t pick up. Baekhyun left a message in the voicemail, telling him that he was going to resign in a few days and that he hoped he could take care of the process in order to speed it as much as possible. He added a few quick words of explanation about the surgery costs, telling Sehun to make sure he would get the higher severance indemnity possible, then he ended the call.

 _I’ve did it_ , he thought, when he was done. The whole process drained his energy, compelling him to walk until the nearest vending machine to get something sugary to eat. He was munching on a chocolate bar when a very upset Sehun, hair and clothes in disarray as if he rushed till there from the office appeared at the bottom of the corridor, running towards him.

“What the hell does this resignation bullshit mean? Are you crazy?”

“Don’t yell” Baekhyun quietly told him. “There’s people resting. And I’m sorry, but I’ve already taken my decision.”

“What is this about? That Chanyeol guy? Did you give up on everything for him?”

Baekhyun nodded, tasting the sweetness of the chocolate on his tongue. “Yes.”

“But Baekhyun” Sehun asked in a small, scared voice, “you said it’s just an experimental surgery. It will be risky. What if it..”

“The surgery won’t fail” Baekhyun said, decisive, “period.”

The pity pictured on Sehun’s face, though, made him feel as if his heart was caught into a vise. “Baekhyun...”

He shoved the chocolate in his mouth, almost swallowing it whole. “Please, Sehun. I said it won’t fail, okay? I’m trying to be positive, I’m really trying. So, please, just for one damn time be positive too, will you?”

“Hyung” the younger man said, opening his arms, and Baekhyun was more than glad to be enveloped in a tight hug. God only knew how much he needed it, in a moment like that.

“The surgery won’t fail” he murmured, voice muffled against Sehun’s shoulder. “It won’t fail. Everything will be okay.”

Sehun held him for long while he breathed deeply and blinked very quickly.

He promised Chanyeol he wouldn’t cry... and he wouldn’t do it.

When Sehun went home, Baekhyun texted Yoora to let her know everything, then he got back in Chanyeol’s room, sitting by his bed again. The CD was over, so he gently took the walkman away from the sleeping man’s chest and unplugged the earphones.

Chanyeol cracked his eyes open, staring at him in confusion. “Uuh... what’s wrong? You look shaken.”

“Babe” Baekhyun said, barely able to contain his euphoria, “we’re leaving for the USA soon.”

Chanyeol looked more and more confused. “For the USA? Why?”

“We did it, Yeol. We found a cure for you... aren’t you happy?”

Now fully awake, Chanyeol stared at him with his big, bulging eyes. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” Now Baekhyun was on Seventh Heaven. He couldn’t wait to see the happiness and the relief spread over Chanyeol’s face. “There’s this professor in the USA who carries on an experimental surgery...”

“Are you saying I’m going to be a guinea pig for a cure that probably won’t be even 100% effective?”

Baekhyun blinked, taken aback. That wasn’t the reaction he’d be looking for. “Babe, it’s your only chance. Nobody will put a scalpel on you, here. But abroad...”

“Wait a moment. In the USA, you said? And how much will it cost?”

He was struggling to get onto a sitting position, and Baekhyun helped him placing the pillows under his back. “Baekhyun, tell me. How much will it cost? My family can’t afford many expenses. It’s not right to burden them.”

Baekhyun took a deep breath. “It’s not on them” he said, “but on me. I’m paying.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened. “You?” he croaked.

“It’s okay, babe...”

“No, no, I need to know. How much is it? Please, tell me.”

“Okay. It’s five hundred thousand.”

“Five hundred—“ Chanyeol repeated, only to choke on his own spit when he felt suddenly sick. Baekhyun watched, helpless, while he grabbed a small bucket from the floor and emptied his stomach onto it. He had to back away, because the smell of vomit made his head spin.

“You can’t. This is too much” Chanyeol rasped, when he was finished, putting the bucket back on the floor and ringing for a nurse to come. “I can’t accept it.”

“Think of it as a present” Baekhyun weakly insisted, but then Chanyeol started spasming in front of him, only to grab the bucket and start sputtering into it again. Baekhyun closed his eyes quickly enough not to see the blood, but the desperate whimpers coming from the man he loved were enough to make him feel terrible.

“I c-can’t accept it...” Chanyeol repeated, handing with trembling hands the bucket to the nurse who came running, and letting her wipe his teary eyes and sweaty face with a towel. “Please, Baek, don’t do this.”

“Why shouldn’t I? I can’t understand.”

That was when Chanyeol snapped, startling Baekhyun. He began yelling out of nowhere, making even the nurse, who was still in a corner with the medicine ready, flinch in fear. “You can’t invest so much in something that will most probably fail! That’s just pointless!”

Baekhyun shook his head, trying to reach out for him, but Chanyeol pushed him away. “Go home. Clear your head. I won’t accept anything like this from you, so you’d better get back to your job and call the real estate agency. I’d never expect you to be so childish...”

“Childish?” Now Baekhyun was angry. “I am ready to give up everything I have for you, but it looks like you are the one who gave up already, and on your own life, on top.”

“Oh, shut up. You don’t know anything about this. You don’t know how it is being sick.”

“Probably, but this doesn’t give you any right to call me childish for trying to save you from death.”

Chanyeol pressed a fist on his mouth, retching again. The nurse rushed by his side, handing him the bucket again. “Please, get out for a little while. I’ll get him some medicine, he’ll feel better afterwards.”

Baekhyun had no choice but to obey, standing in the corridor listening to Chanyeol sputter and whimper, and then cry, cry and howl when the spasms were over. For the whole time, it was like somebody was stabbing him with a knife.

What to do, now? Insisting, making Chanyeol even more furious than this? Giving up? But this was such a precious chance. He was angered and confused, and he didn’t have the faintest idea about what to do.

When the nurse let him back inside, Chanyeol was still crying. Slowly, Baekhyun approached the bed, reaching out to touch his head. Chanyeol backed away, but then he let him stroke his sweaty hair away from his forehead. “You’re right, I don’t know anything about your illness” he began, swallowing the tears away. He was determined to keep his promise and not cry. “And yes, you’re right about this as well, there’s indeed a possibility that the surgery will fail.”

Chanyeol didn’t raise his gaze to meet him, but Baekhyun knew that he was listening to him. He carefully fixed his hair, combing back the tousled locks with his fingers, taking care of him like a mother could do with her child. “But you are definitely not right when you’re telling me to give up on you. That’s a huge mistake.”

“Really” Chanyeol whispered, bitter, “do you even love me when I am like this?”

“Like this what?”

“Filthy” Chanyeol replied, softly, “strung out. Defeated. And... unpleasant.”

Baekhyun hugged him tightly. “You were a little unpleasant, yeah. But anything impressive enough to make me change my mind about you. I still love you like the first day we met, you know.”

 _Even more than that, probably_.

Chanyeol shook his head slowly, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Let’s listen to Mozart again” he begged, “but together, this time.”

“Sure.” He held him in his arms, feeling the bones under the light green fabric. "Let’s get to USA together, Chanyeol. And don’t be scared, I’ll be right there with you.”

“Oh, I know that” the man replied, smiling in spite of the tears. “Hug me?”

When Yoora came, she found them entwined on the bed, staring in each other’s eyes.


	5. Five

Baekhyun was clad in his bathrobe with his hair still damp, and he was sitting on the soft mattress and blanket that Sehun laid on the floor for him.

 _Hello_ he texted. _How are you doing today? I’m sorry I couldn’t come to see you this afternoon. I had to go to the bank, and when I was done the nurses didn’t allow me to see you_.

While he was waiting for the reply, Sehun came into the room, which was actually his small and slightly cramped living room. “Are you comfortable enough? I can let you have my bed, if you want. I am okay sleeping on the couch, I did it a lot of times.”

“It’s perfectly fine to me” Baekhyun said, smiling. “I am already taking advantage of your kindness, and honestly, I’ve always slept on the floor at my parents’ house, so I’m used to it. Thanks, anyway.”

Sehun smiled back, disappearing into the kitchen. The boy was a darling, Baekhyun thought, and it was so nice of him to let him stay at his place until Chanyeol and him would actually move to the States. Honestly, he didn’t realize he would be homeless, if he put his flat on sale. He called Sehun, since he actually didn’t know whom to ask for shelter, since his family was too far and Yoora lived in a dorm with other girls, and thankfully his ex-secretary offered him to stay at his place first. He looked even happy to have someone around, Baekhyun thought, as if he’d been lonely for too long.

Glancing to his phone from time to time, since Chanyeol’s reply was yet to come, Baekhyun wore a tee and a pair of trunks, then went into the kitchen to help Sehun with dinner. He washed lettuce in the sink while the other grilled some pork in a skillet.

“You look like a good cook” Baekhyun complimented him, shooting another glance to his phone. Still no replies from Chanyeol... he hoped he was just asleep. “That’s quite surprising, honestly.”

“It is?” Sehun mused, turning the meat slices with a pair of tongs. “Well, probably it is.”

Baekhyun looked around. The apartment was small, but more and more details, scattered all around, made him think that it wasn’t meant for only one person. In the cupboard he could see that the pottery was all in set of two: two cups, two plates, two coffee mugs, even two glasses with a cheesy floral pattern. Sehun’s bed was king-sized, and half of his closet was empty. Also, there were two used toothbrushes in the bathroom.

Then, when Sehun asked him to get some sauce from the fridge, Baekhyun saw it: a picture, pinned to the smooth surface with a magnet, portraying Sehun and another fresh-looking boy, entwined in a hug. They were both smiling to the camera, probably during a vacation in some exotic and sunny place, and Baekhyun couldn’t remember seeing Sehun grin so happily before. He looked so radiant, in the picture, that his eyes were shaped like small, identical crescents.

“Is he your boyfriend, Sehun?” he asked.

“He was” Sehun replied, startling him. Baekhyun hadn’t expected an answer like that. “One day, he suddenly left for China, and he never came back afterwards.”

Baekhyun felt a tug at his heart. Sehun looked lost in thought, contemplating with empty eyes the meat starting to burn around the edges. He crept closer, gently taking the tongs from his hands to put the slices in a plate. “Whoops, sorry” Sehun murmured, embarrassed, “I’m such a klutz.”

“It’s alright. What is his name?”

Sehun visibly swallowed. “Luhan” he said, “his name is Luhan. We’d been together since high school. We were inseparable, actually, but then his family started pressuring him to get back to China because they disapproved his lifestyle. They threatened to cut his money, if he didn’t return, but he decided to stay. Then, one day he simply didn't get home from work. I’ve waited for long... but I’ve never got any news from him. I tried calling his family house in China, and the person on the other side of the line didn't say anything to me and ended the as soon as he recognized me. I have a feeling that the whole Lu family is hiding him somewhere... but what's really killing me, if I have to be sincere, it's whether he left me willingly or not. He's very filial, and disobeying his father was bothering him a lot, before disappearing. But I would have never imagined that he was more devoted to his family than to me.”

Baekhyun was speechless. He had no idea that Sehun was hiding such a big thing. He didn’t even know he was in a relationship, to be honest... just how many things he still ignored about the man that had been around him most of the time? A small, narcissistic and shameful part of Baekhyun, to be honest, always believed that Sehun was a little in love with him. “How much time passed actually?”

“One year and one month” Sehun replied, his voice coming out with a little difficulty. “Two months in a week, actually.”

“And... I guess you tried calling police and stuff... or contacting him directly...”

“Yeah.” Sehun scratched his throat while tiptoeing to get a plate for Baekhyun and a bowl for the lettuce. Without asking anything, Baekhyun got two beers from the fridge, imagining that the other would have liked it. “Police said that since he's a Chinese citizen, they can't do anything. He never replied to my texts, calls or emails. I even tried going to China once, to his parents’ house, but there wasn’t any family called like that in the whole neighbourhood. It was like he never existed. Maybe his family moved somewhere else, and they probably forced him to marry some girl to inherit a business or something like that. They were greedy bastards even when he was here in Korea, always nagging him to get back and stop being a useless brat.”

“I’m sorry, Sehun...”

“Let’s talk about happier things, shall we?” the other said, attempting a brave smile. “Are you excited about your US trip?”

“It’s not exactly a leisure trip” Baekhyun replied, pretending to ignore the fact that Sehun had been wiping his nose and cheeks with a tissue for the whole time he spoke. If he didn’t want to talk about his lost lover anymore, he would respect his wish. “Anyway, Chanyeol seems to have accepted to enter the waiting list for the experimental surgery. He even yelled at me, when I first suggested him to... it startled me, honestly. I couldn’t understand his reaction at all.”

“And you do now?” Sehun asked, wrapping some lettuce around a bit of meat. “Understand his reaction, I mean.”

Baekhyun thought for a while before talking. “I think so. I think he doesn’t want me to lose everything because of him.”

His own throat went tight for a moment, while he remembered that day, at the hospital, when Chanyeol got mad at him and then cried and apologized. After that moment, Baekhyun spent the night in Chanyeol’s hospital room, refusing to leave his side. The man seemed able to relax and get a little bit of sleep only when he was around, and Baekhyun wanted to do all that he could to help him feel a little better. It was terrible, though, seeing him clench his jaw all of a sudden, trying to hide a grimace of pain, or drinking from a straw, drop by drop, not to get his stomach upset.

His phone buzzed, and Baekhyun immediately grabbed it to check on Chanyeol’s text.

 _Those bitches. I’ll talk some sense into them later_. _Where are you right now?_

_At Sehun’s place. He kindly offered me to stay until we leave._

_That’s a relief. I was so worried, thinking you might have been sleeping in the subway or in some charity dorm._

Baekhyun grinned in spite of everything. The illness hadn’t affected Chanyeol’s spirit. _I miss you_ he texted, before he could prevent himself. He used to think that being clingy was a stupid thing to do, while being in a relationship, but he couldn’t help being like that with Chanyeol. The more he saw him suffering, frail and sick, the more he wanted to be by his side, even if it didn’t make much sense. And even if Sehun’s house was welcoming and warm, he was craving to sit on that uncomfortable chair beside Chanyeol’s bed and listen to Mozart with him.

Chanyeol’s reply caused a knot to form into his throat.

 _I miss you too, babe_.  

“How’s he?” Sehun asked, chewing on his meat.

 _How are you feeling?_ , Baekhyun texted, mentally cursing to himself for not asking before.

 _Drained_ , Chanyeol replied, _but overall quite fine_. _I even managed to get up for a little while. Had to lie down again afterwards, though_.

_I’ll be there tomorrow morning, okay? Since nobody will let me in at this time._

_We could tell them you’re my little brother._

_To be frank, I don’t think they’d buy it._

_I’ll be counting the hours, then._

_Me too. I love you._

_I love you too._

The last reply contained a small kissy emoticon which made Baekhyun ridiculously happy.

“You guys are so in love”  Sehun grumbled, making a huge lettuce wrap and stuffing it rather angrily in his mouth, “I envy you.”

Baekhyun lowered his gaze with a small chuckle, unsure of what to say. He was still shaken by Sehun’s revelations about his miserably failed love story, and he didn’t want to rub anything in his face. He watched the younger boy gulp down a huge sip of beer, scrunching up his face when the bitter taste hit him.

“Where are you going to stay, while in the US? Did you rent a flat?”

“No, the clinic has a small dorm for patients’ relatives and assistants. I’ll stay there.”

“Please keep me updated, okay? Let me know if Chanyeol gets picked up for the experimentation and everything else. I’ll be missing you.”

“Really?” Baekhyun was slightly surprised.

“Yeah. The dude they chose to replace you at work is a total asshole. You were much kinder than him. He keeps making me fill in all his paperwork while he goes to the karaoke bar with the others.”

“I’m sorry, Sehun.”

“Don’t be. You look like a different person, since you got together with him. And I like you more, to be honest. You are way less robotic then before.”

Baekhyun gasped. “And when was I robotic exactly?”

“When you’d whip my ass around like a slave master to get always the best performance” Sehun smirked. “Don’t worry, I was kidding. I enjoyed working with you. I’ll be missing that.”

Baekhyun finally opened his can of beer, taking a big foamy sip. “Thank you for everything, Sehun. You were much more than just a work colleague, for me, even if I realized it too late. I will repay your kindness somehow, I swear. I think I’ll miss you too...”

Sehun suddenly snorted, making Baekhyun blink in surprise. “I thought I was the only one” he laughed. “You tend to get sappy too when you are drunk, hyung? That’s too cute. I thought you were quite the heavy drinker, but looks like you are not.”

“Is this the way to talk to your hyung? I barely took a sip, how can I already be drunk?” But Baekhyun could actually feel his cheeks getting warmer, and his head starting to swoon. Maybe it was just because he ate too little before drinking, but the alcohol was already affecting him. “Damn. You’re so ill-mannered.”

Sehun just mockingly lifted the can mimicking a toast, and Baekhyun burst out laughing, finding the whole thing too funny. Unable to stop himself, he started rambling. “I am so happy I am here with you, it calms me. I am so damn scared of leaving with Chanyeol. There are so many things that can just go wrong... he could be rejected from the list, since we’re from Korea and we don’t have a green card or whatever, or just not be chosen for the surgery. He fits in all the categories, but who knows? One can never be sure until you get a verdict. His case needs to be examined from one medical team, and then maybe it will make it into the list, but fuck, the surgery is still experimental. Since now it has a good success rate, but what if it will go wrong? His condition is worsening day after day, I hate seeing him in such pain. He’s brave, he really is, but his strength is gradually fading and I just...” He choked, suddenly remembering that he shouldn’t have been crying, but he was drunk, so maybe it didn’t count. “I can’t stand this. Why me? Why him? Why does it have to be like this? I just want us to be together like every fucking couple does.”

He expected himself to be bawling by the end of the sentence, but actually his eyes, who had been swelling a few moments ago, were now dry. His words, also, didn’t come out as passionate as he would have liked them too.

Actually, to his own ears, he sounded sorrowful, disconsolate.

“I am here playing hero” Baekhyun added, whispering, “but I’m nothing like that. I convinced Chanyeol to leave for the USA because I couldn’t find anything better to save him, but I’m so afraid, Sehun. Now that I finally managed to let myself fully love someone again, I might just lose him.”

Sehun quietly listening to him voicing out his fears, drinking his beer and staring into nothing. Was he thinking about his boyfriend? Baekhyun had no idea.

“I think” Sehun said after a little while, “that you’re doing the right thing, hyung, even if it’s not the easiest. The easiest would have been dumping Chanyeol after finding out he lied to you.”

Baekhyun nodded. “I guess you’re right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to rant like this, I don’t know what’s got into me.” Suddenly, he was very tired. “Uh... I’d like to do the dishes. Just... may I do it later? I am so sleepy right now.”

Sehun just watched while he rested his head on his bent elbow on the small table and dozed off, mouth falling a little bit agape, a thin thread of drool falling over his chin.

“I’ll say it again, hyung... Chanyeol is lucky, to have something like you who cares for him.”

After waking up Baekhyun and convincing him to get to bed, Sehun quietly walked into the kitchen, putting the dirty dishes in the sink and soaking them in water.

He was about to walk away, when his gaze fell over the picture pinned to the fridge.

Like he did every night before bed, he bent down and kissed Luhan’s happy smile goodnight.

\---oOo---

Baekhyun was in Chanyeol’s hospital room, talking to the phone to the real estate agency, who unexpectedly sold his house for less than what he bargained for, when his phone signalled to him that he was getting another call. He shut down the annoying agent and picked up, remaining absolutely still, like frozen, when he heard someone speaking in English.

“Who is it?” Chanyeol asked, from the bed. “Bad news?”

Baekhyun was slightly out of breath. “Yeol, you got selected for the surgery.”

Chanyeol stared at him. “Already? Well... isn’t this good news? Why are you making that face?”

Baekhyun didn’t know how to reply. “I... uhm, I am happy, of course, but...”

He stuttered, letting his voice trail off, unsure about how to go on.

Chanyeol reached out for his hand, pulling him a little closer. “I think I know how you feel.” He paused, stroking his thumb over Baekhyun’s smaller hand. “I was the same a few days ago, when you told me you found this professor from overseas experimenting a cure for stomach cancer. The first thing that occurred to me, actually, wasn’t happiness or relief. It was fear and confusion.”

Baekhyun lowered his gaze, trying to get his hand back, but Chanyeol’s hold was unexpectedly powerful. “I managed to come at terms with myself just when I realized a thing... that this surgery, probably, could help us being together for much longer than what we’re given now. I could jump from a cliff for you, you know. I am so madly in love with you” he joked, trying and managing to make Baekhyun smirk.

Like he often did, Baekhyun kissed Chanyeol’s knuckles. “I am such a fail boyfriend. I should be the one comforting you, not the other way round.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, he just looked at him fondly, so intensely that Baekhyun had to avert his gaze again, cheeks warming up.

From that moment onwards, things moved at light speed, for Baekhyun. Suddenly he had to rush the preparations for their imminent leave, filling up confusing forms, getting expensive visas, purchasing plane tickets and a special kind of wheelchair for Chanyeol, the kind that could be taken on a plane. He found himself talking on the phone to a lady with a slight whiny voice, who apparently was Chanyeol’s mother. She kept thanking him over and over for what he was doing for her son, and Baekhyun didn’t know what to tell her besides that it was okay. He felt stupid and vaguely repetitive, but then Chanyeol’s mother suddenly told him that she was glad her son found an understanding and loving boyfriend like him, and when he heard that, something weird happened in the middle of his chest, as if someone suddenly squeezed all the air away from his lungs.

His mother would have never said anything like that. When he told her he had a boyfriend and that their relationship didn’t work out, she cried and refused to talk to him for days.

Suddenly, they were at the airport, doing the check-in for their flight. Chanyeol and Yoora were a little apart from him while he spoke to the woman at the desk, and people were staring at that young and still handsome man in a wheelchair, probably seriously ill. Baekhyun could see the pity in their eyes, and he was dead worried that Chanyeol could see it too. Yoora, though, who was a smart girl, was keeping her brother occupied with chatters.

Chanyeol was in surprisingly good spirits. He even looked less pale than usual, even if the doctor warned him about the flight. It was going to be tough, for him, but he was smiling a lot, reminding Baekhyun of the cheerful boy he met on the train, on that gloomy day.

If Chanyeol was determined to be brave, then he would be too.

The travel was long and especially difficult. Chanyeol suffered a lot, grinding his teeth in pain and discomfort for almost the whole time. Baekhyun was by his side, wiping his brow and making sure he was taking his painkillers and nausea suppressants, but there wasn’t much more he could do for him. He hated feeling helpless when Chanyeol was like that, but he simply could do nothing about it.

It was Chanyeol himself who told him, actually. “Stop looking at me like that” he wheezed, after a particularly violent seizure, “just hold my hand, if you don’t know what to do. Keep in mind where we’re heading to and think positive, okay?”

After those words, Baekhyun actually held his hand for the whole travel. Chanyeol was right, if he couldn’t do anything about it, then he didn’t have to feel guilty as well.

“You know what I can’t wait for?” Chanyeol asked, leaning his head over Baekhyun’s. “Treating you to dinner, in a fancy place. Italian, maybe.”

“Why not in Italy directly?” Baekhyun joked, but his heart actually leapt when he suddenly pictured in his mind Chanyeol and him strolling holding hands in Venice, with the sunset reflecting on the water.

“Yes” Chanyeol whispered, “why not? I’ve never been there. I bet it’s beautiful.”

Baekhyun’s throat clenched. Before meeting Chanyeol, he would have never imagined that love could feel like that, like an aching that was constantly there, but such a pleasant one.

When they landed, they got lost in the huge JFK’s international airport. It took a while to Baekhyun and Yoora to figure out how to get out of that maze, and finding a taxi to get to the clinic that could carry Chanyeol’s wheelchair was quite of a struggle as well. They had to wait for hours, under a scorching sun. The jet lag was affecting Baekhyun, but it was Chanyeol’s condition what worried him the most. The man was deadly pale, almost catatonic, and he looked drained from the difficult travel, even if they were supposed to reach their destination in a couple hours by car.

Yoora and him helped Chanyeol getting into the taxi, then they shoved his wheelchair in the trunk. They sat at Chanyeol’s sides, each of them holding one of his hands. “It’s not like I’m going to run away, you idiots” Chanyeol weakly joked, “I couldn’t lift a foot no matter how hard I tried...”

“Sleep, babe” Baekhyun whispered, kissing his cheek, not caring about the glance that the driver shot them through the rear-view mirror, “and don’t worry about anything. We’re almost there.”

 _He_ was the one who was worried, to be honest. According to what he saw with his own eyes so far, New York was a scary place. Everything looked exaggeratedly big and intimidating, from buildings to streets to people. Baekhyun felt small and vulnerable, among all those giants. He used to believe that his  English was good, but the natives’ accent sounded weird to his ears and confused him often. Also, he wasn’t used seeing so many different colours, races and humans all mixed together. That was so different from Korea, and it made him miss his country a lot. He felt unsafe, there, mostly because soon he’d have to be alone with Chanyeol, since Yoora was going to leave after the surgery.

His insecurities wouldn’t leave him alone. Sometimes he would feel happy, even calm and sure of himself, but the littlest thing would suddenly make him turn into a quivering mess. He hated that side of himself, especially because it wasn’t of any help in a moment like that.

In the end, they arrived at the clinic. It was a huge, ultramodern building, all made in shining glass and metal. A platoon of nurses immediately rushed to take care of Chanyeol, and an assistant escorted Baekhyun to his lodging, a dorm separated from the main building by a long covered corridor. The weather was hot and damp, and Baekhyun was dripping with sweat by the time he arrived at his room, which was ridiculously small and suffocating. He took a shower in a minuscule bathroom, got changed then rushed back to check on Chanyeol.

When he found him asleep in a bed, he instantly felt a little better.

“They said it’s going to be tomorrow” Yoora said.

Without saying anything, Baekhyun let himself fall on a chair next to her.

He didn’t know whether be excited or scared, to be honest.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dunn~ 
> 
> Sehun will get his storyline, don't worry. He needs his fair amount of angst too ~~omg~~. The question is, where is Luhan now? I'm curious to hear your thoughts about this.
> 
> Also, brace yourself for some major angst in the next chapter. I'm not giving spoilers, but I might just have given one. Finally work is over, so I have more time to write. Stay tuned! And remember that I love comments.<3


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare tissues for this one. :,(

Chanyeol was inside of the operating room.

“It’s taking so long” Yoora complained. “Is it supposed to take this long?”

“They said from four to six hours...” Baekhyun replied, distracted. He kept replaying in his mind what Chanyeol told him before entering.

He couldn’t get it out of his head, no matter how hard he tried.

“I love you” he whispered, holding his hand, already clad in the white robe, laid on a stretcher. “Wait for me, okay? Wait for me. I will be back soon.”

Baekhyun wanted to believe him. He desperately wanted to believe him, but all he could do in that moment was waiting. Waiting and trusting him, trying to ignore the subtle, nerve-wracking fear that something could go wrong.

There was no reason to think that way, right? The surgery, even if still experimental, had just good results until that moment. So... there wasn’t any reason to believe that for Chanyeol it would be different.

Another hour passed, and then another one. The clock on the wall in front of him was ticking incessantly, inexorably.

“I need to know what’s happening” Yoora suddenly announced, standing up and grabbing a nurse who was passing by. “What the hell is going on? Where’s my brother? Why is it taking so long?”

“Please, madam, you need to wait for another little bit” the woman said, “there were some complications...”

Yoora paled. “Complications? What complications?”

Baekhyun rose from his chair. “What happened? Please, we need to know.”

“I’m sorry” the nurse whispered, bowing her head before disappearing in another room.

Other minutes passed without any other news, and under Baekhyun’s eyes, Yoora started falling apart. “My baby bro” she said, before bursting into sobs. Baekhyun held her, unable to find anything to say to make her feel better.

He just wished someone could be there to hug him too, to say that everything would be okay.

Then, the moment came.

The head surgeon himself came out of the room, walking slowly towards them. Baekhyun kept holding Yoora, who was shaking so hard that he feared she could fall on the floor at any moment.

“I’m so sorry, miss Park” the man said. “Apparently, the boy’s arteries already were in a fragile and worn-out state before the surgery, and his left gastric artery fell apart when we removed the cancer. The haemorrhage was severe, and even if we successfully cauterized it...”

“My brother” Yoora interrupted him, “how is my brother?”

The doctor bowed his head. “I’m sorry” he said. “The blood loss was too much for his body to take. We managed to contain the damage, but he’s unconscious, now. He’s in a deep state of coma, and we can’t predict whether he’ll open his eyes. It all depends on his body, and with how it will react to the cancer removal.”

Baekhyun blinked, confused.

 _This isn’t happening. This is not happening_.

But Yoora was clinging onto him, even the strong Yoora, whose trust and optimism seemed bigger than his, and she was shaking and crying and wailing in desperation.

 _This is not a dream_.

“Can I see him?” Baekhyun heard himself whispering.

The doctor let him in, but just for a short moment.

Chanyeol was laying on the bed, and his skin looked as white as a naked bone in the faint glow of the neon light. His mouth was slightly parted, his long lashes were resting on his cheeks. He looked tired and defeated, and for a moment, the longest moment of his life, Baekhyun felt himself sway.

In a coma. His boyfriend was in a coma.

Slowly, not trusting his wobbling knees, he grabbed a chair and sat down next to him. He stroked his cheek, blinking when he felt the weird texture of the skin under his fingertips and the cool temperature of it.

Pain hit him hard, leaving him breathless, squeezing his heart in a vise.

He wanted to cry, but he suddenly remembered the promise he made to Chanyeol a few days before, before they left for New York.

 _Don’t ever cry because of me_.

Baekhyun felt very weird, when he successfully tried to swallow his tears away. Perhaps he really was a strong and dependable man, after all. People had told him that a lot, lately, but he never believed them.

For some reason, that realisation made him feel a little better. Chanyeol needed a strong partner, in a moment like that... not a whiny and pathetic one.

Could he do it? Could he really do it?

He had to. He had to be strong for him, because Chanyeol hadn’t anything left to lean on.

Someone was talking, in the room, but the noise came distant, as if it was just a faint echo. It took a while, for Baekhyun, to understand that it was him the one who was speaking softly, muttering under his breath, holding Chanyeol’s cold hand to his own burning cheek.

“Don’t worry, Chanyeol, babe, don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait here for you. Don’t worry about a thing, babe. I’ll be waiting...”

\---oOo---

As time passed, Baekhyun’s days were all the same. He would wake up early in the morning, because the person living in the small flat next to his always made his alarm ring at half past six and the walls were paper thin, then he would consume a lonely breakfast. If Sehun texted him during the night, he would reply to the message, but he never called or texted anyone first. He didn’t know why, actually, but maybe the only reason was that he didn’t feel like to. He felt apathetic, emptied of any energy. He didn’t even feel like eating, to be honest, but he did only because Chanyeol needed him, and he didn’t want to fail him in any way.

At nine, when he clinic let him in, he would get in Chanyeol’s room. “Hello, babe” he would say, coming inside with a smile. At first the nurses looked at him pitifully, or even strangely, when he did that, but after a while they just stopped paying attention. Baekhyun wasn’t stupid, he knew Chanyeol couldn’t see his smiling face, but he read somewhere that patients who were in a coma could somehow perceive the mood of those who were around them, and even being affected by it.

Then he would fix Chanyeol’s hair, because, even if the unconscious man couldn’t move, they were always messy after the night. He raked his brains more than once wondering how the hell this might happen. Maybe the nurses handled him a little too roughly? Or some idiot left the window open? Or Chanyeol actually _did_ move a little? Once he got so obsessed with this last idea that he actually booked an urgent appointment with the surgeon, only to feel terrible when the doctor told him what he feared the most, that Chanyeol was in a deep coma, and that no movements were possible with that heartbeat rate and vitals.

Yoora was losing hope too. After she returned to  Korea, and after the first few days, when she insistently texted him asking for news, her attempts to contact him were becoming more and more rare. Baekhyun kind of understood her... that was a difficult situation to handle. But he really couldn’t stand the thought that everybody, little by little, was getting used to see Chanyeol in that state, as if it was normal.

It wasn’t normal. He was his boyfriend. It _wasn’t_ normal.

He would spend his days sitting by Chanyeol’s bed, earning terrible back pains and headaches. At first he tried killing time reading or playing games on his phone or even doing crosswords like an old man, but he couldn’t focus on anything for long, because he couldn’t stop staring at Chanyeol, his beautiful Chanyeol, who was losing weight at light speed and getting weird skin rashes and bedsores. He learnt to take care of him, to wash his face and hands with a wet wipe, to shave his beard, trim his hair and even to give him a bath. His attempts were sloppy and he felt squeamish at first, but Baekhyun was a quick learner and even the nurses complimented him after witnessing his efforts.

“I think your boyfriend is proud of you” one of them said, once, and Baekhyun had to gather all his strength not to burst out crying like a baby in front of her.

He was still keeping his promise to Chanyeol – not to cry because of him. It was getting more and more difficult, since some days the urge to hug a pillow and just stay in bed crying was almost unbearable, but Baekhyun was tougher than what it looked, and he would drag himself to the clinic day after day, returning to his small and lonely bed just to get some sleep at night. All his days consisted of was Chanyeol. He would eat next to him, talk to him about everything that crossed his mind, listen to music along with him (sharing the headphones like they did before), even sleep with him, crouched in his uncomfortable chair, if he couldn’t stay awake.

Chanyeol’s condition seemed to be stable. He wouldn’t get better, but at least he wouldn’t get worse. Just once Baekhyun got scared out of his mind, when Chanyeol’s heartbeat rate suddenly started to drop out of nowhere, and a cardiologist had to resuscitate him with a defibrillator while he could do nothing but watch. He remembered cringing and yelping every time his boyfriend’s apparently lifeless body would spasm because of the electric impulses, even holding his breath until his heart started beating normally again.

The doctors assured him that Chanyeol wasn’t feeling any pain.

This was the only thing that made Baekhyun feel a little less sad. Chanyeol suffered so much, during the last days before the surgery, and at least now he wasn’t anymore. He looked serene, in his sleep, even at peace, but his cheeks were sunken and his skin looked yellowish and sallow.

Days passed slowly, one by one. Before Baekhyun could realize, a month was already over, and after a while another, and nothing changed.

One day he woke up, swallowed his breakfast and went to the clinic as usual. He said Chanyeol good morning, he kissed his cool cheek (his skin was always cool and a little bit dry, even if he often rubbed lotion on it), and then sat on his chair, turning on the TV. He was watching a stupid cartoon when he heard a noise in the corridor. He absently looked through the open door, expecting to see a nurse or a doctor peeking in, but when he saw the Korean woman his first reaction was to jump on his feet and look for escape.

It was Baekhyun’s mother.

“Baekhyun” the woman said, taking a hesitant step inside, “what are you doing here? I was so worried for you.”

“M-mom” Baekhyun stuttered, unable to believe his own eyes. He suddenly remembered not saying anything to his parents about Chanyeol, his leave for the USA and everything else. “I...”

“Your phone number was disabled, and when I came to your house to see you, I found out that another person was living there. I went to your working place, and some secretary guy told me you left for New York and that you spent all your money to let your boyfriend get an experimental surgery to get his cancer removed.” She paused, looking at her son. “Is it true?”

Baekhyun couldn’t look at her in the eye. Seeing his mother in that place, all of a sudden, was making him feel strangely restless, and was doing something weird to his emotions. “I...” He choked, unable to speak. Suddenly, his eyes were full of tears, and he literally threw himself outside of the room, staggering in the corridor with his mother in tow.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing? Look at me, please.”

“No” Baekhyun murmured, in a small, pathetic voice, covering his face with his hands. “I d-don’t want him to see... to hear me cry...”

“Him? You mean... is _that_ your boyfriend?”

Baekhyun looked at her. _Please try to understand. Please, just for once, try to understand me_...

Once he was in the corridor, he fell apart. His eyes and nose started to leak, while loud sobs escaped from his lips. People was peeking from the rooms to stare at him, a small man being hysterical, and all he could think was that he betrayed Chanyeol, breaking his promise.

His mother was staring at him too, eyes wide, unable to react to the sight of her son being wracked with guilt, and once again, in that foreign country, in that cold and impersonal place, Baekhyun felt lonely and pitiful and _stupid_. Maybe Chanyeol had been right since the beginning. Maybe, if they just stayed in Korea...

“Here.”

Baekhyun looked at the tissue that his mother was handing him, taking it absentmindedly. He couldn’t thank her, because his throat was too tight. He kept crying, as if he finally broke the dam and all the pain he desperately kept bottled in was now finally breaking free.

“Sweetie, don’t do this. You’re just hurting yourself.”

Baekhyun believed he was dreaming. His mother was a very stern woman, she never had a gentle word for anyone, not even for her only son. She always disapproved his lifestyle, his sexual preferences, his choice not to carry on their family business. And Baekhyun couldn’t remember another time when she called him “sweetie” or she tried to soothe him.

“M-mom” he stuttered, before bursting again, unable to stop the tears. _I’m so sorry, Chanyeol, I’m so sorry. Forgive me, I’m weak like this._

The woman grabbed him by his wrist, dragging him outside. The weather was nice, even if rather hot, and Baekhyun found out that summer broke out without him even being aware. His mother helped him sit on a bench, then she squatted down next to him. “Sweetie” she repeated, making Baekhyun shiver slightly at that word, “why don’t you tell me everything since the beginning? I can tell you need this.”

Baekhyun sighed. “Okay.”

And he did. He started from that casual meeting on the train, and he told his mother everything. The love, the terrible revelation, the wish to keep Chanyeol by his side the longest he could, the failed surgery, the crushing of his hopes. Lastly, shedding other desperate tears, he even revealed her the promise he wasn’t able to keep. She just listened without interrupting, speaking only when he was done.

“Baekhyun” she murmured, touching his hair, “my poor baby.”

Without thinking, Baekhyun leaned his head over her shoulder. “But Baekhyun, you said you spent pretty much all of your money on the application for the surgery and the travel. What are you surviving with?”

“Oh, I’ll think of something” Baekhyun whispered, trying not to let his mother know that she actually addressed to one of the most problematic things he had to cope with. The money was almost over, and without money, he couldn’t pay the clinic’s expensive fees and assure Chanyeol all the care he needed.

His mother looked at him. “I’ll talk to your father. We’ll find a solution.”

“What? No, there’s no need for that...”

“You are our only son. I would deny you our money if you were to waste it, but this is a different situation.” She paused, looking at him. “You know, we seriously thought you got completely crazy, when we were told that you suddenly sold all your possessions and left with a man. We thought you had been scammed, or that you were involved in something dark. I would have never imagined anything like this.”

Baekhyun snorted. “So, are you telling me that I managed to surprise you?”

The woman went on caressing him while he calmed down. Sadly, she couldn’t stay for long, because she booked her flight just on the following day, and she still had to get some sleep. Before leaving, though, she insisted to see Chanyeol for a little while.

“Thank you for taking care of my son” she said, very calmly, before touching gently one of the unconscious man’s hands, “I hope you two will overcome this difficult moment soon.”

Baekhyun cried again, when his mother was about to leave. Suddenly, he didn’t want her to go.

“Now you have to be strong, dear” she said, “if not for yourself, for your loved one. I’ll think of you every day... well, just like I always did until now, but a little harder, I think.”

“You’d been thinking of me every day?” Baekhyun asked, puzzled. “Really?” To be honest, he hadn’t been thinking much of his mother.

The woman playfully hit him on his chest. “Are you seriously doubting a mother’s love?”

Baekhyun insisted to accompany her to the hotel, and when she offered him, the two had even dinner together. He couldn’t remember spending such a peaceful night with his mom, before.

“You’re a miracle maker, you know?” he whispered, that night, when he got back into Chanyeol’s room to say goodnight. “You made my father consider me after many years of cordial ignoring, and you made my mother call me _sweetie_. Of all things” he giggled, in spite of everything, but then he got distracted caressing Chanyeol’s hair. They changed, during his coma, becoming less soft and more frizzy. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t keep my promise. But please, believe me: I cried because I love you so much, and it hurts me seeing you like this” Baekhyun confessed, his lips against his boyfriend’s cheek, “I miss you, babe. Please open your eyes quick and come back to me. I need you.”

He kissed him one last time, then he went back to the dorm.

The second encounter he made was with a boy.

They met casually, at the vending machine. The coin that the boy inserted had been swallowed, and he was banging on the metal surface of the machine hoping to get it back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Wait, don’t do that. Just press this” Baekhyun said, pushing a button for him, making the lost coin fall in the little drawer.

“Thank you!” the boy thanked him, speaking in Korean. Baekhyun looked at him, surprised. There were many Koreans in New York, but he rarely met any of them at the clinic. In the back of his mind, he absently registered that the boy was tall, slender and extremely cute, maybe a tad bit younger than him, but just around his age.

“What’s your name?” he found himself asking, before he could stop himself.

“Jongin” the other replied, beaming happily. “Thank for your help. I wanted to bring a can of coffee to my brother, he just got his surgery done and he’ll be returning home soon.”

Baekhyun’s eyes drifted away. “Oh. I see. Uhm...”

“What do you want? I’ll treat you a drink, since you’ve helped me.”

“Ah... just water, thanks.”

“What? At this time in the morning? You need something stronger than water, to keep awake. Here, have some chocolate milk.”

Apparently, the face Baekhyun made was so weird that Jongin burst out laughing. Even his laugh was extremely cute, just like his face.

“What’s your name?”

“Baekhyun.”

“What are you doing here, Baekhyun? You aren’t sick, right?”

“No. I’m here... for a person.”

For some reason, he couldn’t tell that Chanyeol was his boyfriend. Jongin’s smile was wide, cheerful and full of life and hope. Baekhyun didn’t want to see that happiness falter and fade away, maybe.

Or maybe... there were other reasons. Jongin was really handsome, with chocolate dark eyes and tanned skin.

“Listen, are you busy right now? We could go for an ice-cream or something like that, it’s so rare to find a fellow Korean in a place like this.”

“Okay” Baekhyun replied, without thinking twice. It had been three months since Chanyeol was in a coma, and Jongin was the first person that Baekhyun felt genuinely attracted to.

Even if it was wrong.

Jongin took him out of the clinic, led him to a nice ice-cream parlour, then they sat outside on a bench eating and talking. Jongin was flirting with Baekhyun, cutely trying to look expert and sure of himself, but he was too clumsy to be fully believable, and Baekhyun laughed out loud when the boy let a huge splotch of melted cream fall on his tee. “Oh, fuck, I’m such a klutz. My brother always calls me blockhead. He said my hands aren’t made to hold anything...”

“Here, let me help you” Baekhyun offered, getting a tissue and starting to clean the stain. While he was doing that, though, the atmosphere between them suddenly changed, tensing up, and when he looked up Baekhyun saw that  Jongin was staring at him intensely.

His breath got caught in his throat. The boy was truly beautiful, and he was just inches away from him, sexy and breathing and oh so tempting...

Jongin’s lips were about to brush against his, that Baekhyun finally found the strength to pull away. “No, I’m sorry. This is wrong... so wrong.”

“But why?” Jongin asked, genuinely perplexed. “We aren’t doing anything wrong.”

Baekhyun swallowed with difficulty. “I won’t cheat on him, Jongin. I’m sorry.” He had no idea why he was saying that, or why he felt the need to apologize. Maybe it was because Jongin looked hurt by his rejection.

A very uncomfortable silence fell between them, while Jongin straightened his back and stared at his hand, now covered in melted ice-cream. He nervously wiped it away, making Baekhyun blush in embarrassment. “I... I didn’t know... I mean, you didn’t say you were in a relationship.”

Baekhyun threw the only half-eaten ice-cream in the waste bin. “My boyfriend is in a coma. I am here to assist him, waiting for him to open his eyes again.”

Jongin looked at him. “Oh... I’m sorry, Baekhyun.”

“No, _I_ am sorry. I misled you, I think.”

“No, no, it’s just...”

They awkwardly fell silent again, wiping their sticky hands on tissues, unable to look at each other’s faces. “Well... we can keep in contact though, right? Just like friends, I mean just like friends” Jongin said after a while.

“Oh, sure”  Baekhyun replied, handing him his business card. Jongin gave him his, before reaching out to shake his hand.

“Bye bye then” he said, before leaving, “I wish you all the best.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Baekhyun watched him go, perfectly aware of the fact that he would have never called him.

He felt so shaken, after that brief encounter, that he couldn’t return to Chanyeol’s room immediately afterwards. He strolled around the neighbourhood, idly looking at the shop windows. He wolfed down an enormous burrito, not because he felt like eating it, but because he somewhat felt empty inside. Food helped him feel a little better.

He stayed outside for long, and he returned to the clinic just a little while before the closing hour. “Hello babe” he whispered, when he sat by Chanyeol’s bed. He thought of something else to say, but he couldn’t come up with anything that wouldn’t make him sound like a fool. He buried his nose in the unconscious man’s pyjama, breathing in his scent, like he did every time he felt sad or tired.

This time, though, it felt different.

“Chanyeol” Baekhyun whispered, scared.

He checked again, just to make sure, but he wasn’t wrong.

He couldn’t feel Chanyeol’s scent anymore. His boyfriend’s sweet, distinctive scent had been swallowed by the detergent smell of his pyjama, by the medicines and piss and human filth and whatever.

That night, he asked for the permission to sleep on the chair, next to him.

Another month passed excruciatingly slowly. On Sundays, a priest would come to the clinic to celebrate the Mass in the chapel, then he would walk around greeting the patients or bringing some comfort to the relatives.

Baekhyun always managed to avoid meeting him, but that Sunday he literally stumbled on the man. “You are the guardian of the young boy of room 27, aren’t you?” the priest asked, reaching out for his hand.

“I am” Baekhyun whispered, barely squeezing it before letting his arm fall back. He didn’t feel like talking to that man. First, he wasn’t a good Christian. Second, he didn’t want to end up bawling in front of a stranger, he already did it too many times, and he was tired of it. Third, he had no idea if Chanyeol was religious or not, and he didn’t want to do anything he wouldn’t have wanted.

“Do you have some time? I’d like to have a talk with you.”

Baekhyun sighed. _Here it comes_. “If you wish” he replied, sitting down in the corridor with the priest. Surprisingly enough, the man didn’t ask him anything about religion, nor he mentioned Jesus or whatever. He just asked him how long he’d been there, and how was Chanyeol doing.

“The surgery went well, technically” Baekhyun replied, robotic and apathetic, “he got scanned a few days ago, and there isn’t any trace of cancer left. Still, he won’t wake up.”

“And... how are you coping with this?”

“Me? Oh, I’m fine.”

The priest looked at him. “Son, it is alright to show some weakness, from time to time.”

Baekhyun wasn’t in the mood for lying or insisting, so he just gave in. “Okay then. I’m feeling terrible. Guilty, because I was the one who got the idea of coming here to get the surgery. I feel responsible for his condition, and I guess his family thinks the same, since they hardly call me lately. It hurts me, seeing him like this. It hurts me so much. I love him and--” He held his breath, realizing that he just accidentally revealed to a priest that he was a homosexual. “I’m sorry. I guess God hasn’t much to say to someone like me, right?”

“Son” the priest said, touching his shoulder in a comforting way, “don’t worry about that. God isn’t as stupid as men, luckily.”

Baekhyun blinked, surprised by that reply, but the priest was already talking. “It honestly surprises me that you are still here. You are young, many others in your situation would have just stopped waiting and carried on with their lives.”

Baekhyun’s throat tightened. He was suddenly reminded of a conversation he had with Sehun just a few nights before. His old secretary basically told him to stop torturing himself with false hopes and move on, getting a hold of his life again. They ended up insulting each other on the phone, with Baekhyun telling Sehun it was a very weird thing to say, from a man who still couldn’t stop clinging to the baseless hope that his ex boyfriend would return from China. For what they knew, Luhan could even be dead somewhere.

After he told that, Sehun hanged up and never called back.

“I... uh, my friend told me the exact same thing lately...”

“And how do you feel about that?”

Baekhyun shook his head, wiping a lonely tear from his left eye. Even crying was becoming difficult, in the last few days. It was as if even his heart was starting to dry up, like everything else in him. He felt numb. “I guess... I guess he said it for my sake. But I’m not going to do that.”

“May I ask why, son?”

“Because” Baekhyun choked a little on the reply. “Because I love him. And he loves me. And even if I’m tired, sick and tired of waiting and hurting and crying, I can’t leave him. Because he is... too important.”

He half-expected the priest to lecture him or something, but the man surprised him murmuring a short prayer and a blessing before patting him gently on the head and walking away.

He felt so emotionally drained, after that talk, that he just went back into Chanyeol’s room, sitting by his bed and placing his head on the unconscious man’s stomach. “I am so tired, babe” he whispered, “and I am too depressed to talk and be cheerful today. I hope you will forgive me.”

He closed his eyes, letting all the exhaustion and the misery crash onto him all at once.

He woke up with a jump a few minutes later, hit by a very weird sensation. He’d been asleep for only a short time, but he definitely dreamt about something. He couldn’t remember anything, but he still felt alarmed, and his heart was beating fast. Maybe it was a nightmare.

The first thing he did was checking the monitor attached to Chanyeol’s body, and when he saw that this heartbeat was still stable, he breathed more easily and rubbed his eyes. Maybe he could just get back into his dorm and get some proper sleep, he really needed that. Also, he still had to call Sehun to apologize properly. He was his best friend, and he’d been an asshole to him.

He was about to get up, when he heard it.

A whisper, barely a sound.

 _It can’t be_.

He was hallucinating, he was sure of that. He rubbed his eyes, trying to think straight, but he heard it again.

_“Bbbaek...”_

He jolted on his feet. Chanyeol’s eyes were slitted open, and his lips were moving slightly, letting that whisper come out with difficulty.

“Chanyeol, babe...”

_He is back. HE IS BACK!_

For a moment, his brains stopped functioning. He just stood there, looking at him, unable to think about what to do, what to say.

Then he started screaming like a mad man. “Nurse! Doctor... SOMEONE!”

What happened next was just a confused blur, for him. People in white coats started crowding around Chanyeol, a woman gently leading Baekhyun outside. “Please wait here, sir, we need to check on him, to perform some tests... sir, are you alright?”

Baekhyun’s knees were wobbling. He barely managed to shoot a glance to his boyfriend, who was finally awake, through the half-closed door, before losing consciousness and crashing on the floor like a dead body.


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might want crackers after all this cheese. ;)

Someone was slapping Baekhyun’s face. “Sir? Sir? Can you hear me?”

Baekhyun tried to reply, but his tongue wouldn’t move. He felt floating, and his vision was blurry. “Uh...”

The expert hands of a nurse pushed him in a sitting position, pressing his head between his bent knees. Baekhyun felt his blood rush towards his head, feeling gradually more awake. Chanyeol was back, fainting like an idiot wouldn’t be of any help. He tried to get up, but the nurse was pinning him down almost forcefully. “Take deep breaths and close your eyes.”

Baekhyun obediently followed the instructions until his breathing became more even. When he felt he could trust his legs, he carefully stood up. “Thanks” he said, leaning onto the nurse’s arm. “Can... can I see him?”

The woman patted his arm in a comforting way. “In a short while, honey. Don’t worry. Are you happy?”

“Yes” Baekhyun whispered, before his emotions crashed and he was overwhelmed by a sudden outburst of tears.

He was happy, he was so happy. He realized that he was beginning to prepare to the fact that he probably had to say Chanyeol farewell sooner or later, but now he was back. They had a chance, finally. A real chance to be finally happy together...

The nurse brought him a cup of warm tea and patted his back again. “I’ll call you when the scans will be over, sweetie. Be a good boy and try to calm down meanwhile, okay?”

Baekhyun did his best to comply, but many different emotions were wracking him. While the wait kept getting longer, he went through the most diverse states of mind and feelings. First he felt euphoric, then sceptical, since Chanyeol would have to face many problems, coping with the aftermath of a terrible sickness, then he cried again some more, just to end up laughing hysterically to himself. Whatever... his  Chanyeol was finally back. Honestly, what could be worse than seeing him contorting in pain or laying down unconscious?

Then, finally, the moment came. On wobbling knees, Baekhyun went in Chanyeol’s room, reaching the bed with small steps. “Baek” Chanyeol rasped. His voice was scratchy and coarse because of the long time during which he never talked. “How are you doing, love?”

Baekhyun already was in a very fragile state even before seeing him, and when he heard that affectionate word he simply lost it, lowering his head on his boyfriend’s tummy and sobbing his relief away. He felt Chanyeol’s abdomen tense a little under his cheek, and he raised his gaze. “Fuck” Chanyeol murmured, “I want to touch you so badly, but I can’t even lift my arm.”

Baekhyun reached out and took his hand, holding it gently against his still wet cheek. “Is it okay?” he whispered. He couldn’t stop crying, and he was sure he was a very ugly sight, sobbing like a perfect idiot like that, but he really couldn’t prevent his chin from trembling, and his eyes and nose from leaking. His heart was bursting... and Chanyeol’s fingers were finally warm again against his heated face. “I missed you so much” he sobbed. “So, so much.”

“Sorry, love” Chanyeol whispered back, “took me longer than expected.”

 Baekhyun kissed his palm, and then reached out to stroke the man’s face, his protruding cheekbones, the chapped lips. Chanyeol pursed his lips and kissed his fingertips when he did so, and Baekhyun finally felt himself smile.

Love.

Before meeting Chanyeol, he used to think that romantic love was something cheesy and overrated, good only for teenagers or simple-minded people. Never, not even in his wildest dreams, he would have imagined falling so deeply for someone... and that a feeling like that could be mutual. But Chanyeol’s eyes, enormous in his thin face, spoke more than his mouth. And Baekhyun wanted to drown in the sheer love he saw in them, to be engulfed by it and to let it flood his whole being.

The doctors told him that the worst was over, for Chanyeol. Soon, the boy would be able to recover enough to start a rehabilitation program and gain back the muscle tone he lost during his coma. The cancer was gone, and his internal tissues were now clean.

Baekhyun wanted to scream of happiness. The first few days after those big news were hectic, since every single member of Chanyeol’s family would call to hear from him and say their good health wishes, and Baekhyun did literally nothing but hold the phone to his boyfriend’s ear and sit by his bed to keep him company. He refused to leave his side, as if he was unconsciously afraid that he could start being unwell again if he walked away. It was stupid, but he couldn’t help it. He risked to lose him too many times, to be able to shrug that unpleasant feeling off so easily. All he could think of was Chanyeol. He forgot to eat, to drink, whatever. All that mattered was Chanyeol, who was finally back.

Soon, though, exhaustion and fatigue crashed on him. He was watching some TV with Chanyeol, and he was listening to him commenting some useless news about a Hallyu actress they both liked, when he suddenly felt himself slowly slipping away from his chair, ending on the floor like a puppet doll. When he woke up, he found out that he was laying in the same room of Chanyeol, on a bed next to his.

“Babe” Chanyeol said, reaching out to lightly grab his hand. The two beds were close, almost like a double bed, and Baekhyun drowsily thought that it was very strange. “Babe, how do you feel?”

“Uh...” Baekhyun tried getting up, but he was too weak for that. “Confused. Did I faint?”

“You fainted” Chanyeol confirmed, looking at him with big, scared eyes. “You fell down. You suddenly got so pale...”

“I am sorry” Baekhyun murmured, but he had to admit that it felt good, laying in that soft and warm bed with Chanyeol next to him. It would have been even better being into his arms, actually.

“Do you think you can come here?” Chanyeol said, turning slightly and with difficulty. “I want to hold you, but there are these fucking tubes in the way.”

Baekhyun wriggled closer, carefully climbing on Chanyeol’s bed. He wrapped his arms around the taller’s middle, careful of the IV line, feeling every bone and vertebra under his fingertips. Chanyeol’s body was warm and palpitating against his. He immersed his nose in the taller man’s neck, inhaling his scent. Now he could feel it again, half-buried under the persisting hospital smell, and for a moment, he stopped thinking and let himself drown in emotion.

“That’s better” Chanyeol purred, doing his best to hold him properly, even if he was still very weak and he couldn’t put much strength in his embrace. “Baek” he whispered, when he realized that Baekhyun was crying silently. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

But Baekhyun couldn’t stop, not now, not when Chanyeol was finally hugging him again after all those months of solitude and silence and fear of losing him. He had missed him so much, and most of everything he had been craving to be hugged, kissed, taken care of.

Chanyeol let him calm down, lightly caressing his hair until Baekhyun felt better. “I’m sorry” Baekhyun whispered, “I think my nerves are in a really bad condition.”

“Now I’ll make you laugh. You know, when you fainted? This butch of a nurse came in and started instructing others to bring you somewhere away, but I started yelling and making such a fuss that in the end they brought a bed in here and made you lie down on it.”

“Oh, so this is why this bed suddenly appeared out of nowhere.” Baekhyun wiped his eyes with his hand. “It was nice of you. I... I wouldn’t have liked waking up in a room all by myself.”

Chanyeol chuckled. “And I didn’t want to let you go, so...”

“I love you so much, you silly man. So, so much.”

“Me too.”

Baekhyun still felt exhausted, and he briefly closed his eyes, listening to Chanyeol’s calm heartbeat. After a while, though, he heard him chuckle again. “What?”

“Are you ready?” Chanyeol asked, unable to hide his excitement, his eyes bright.

“For what?” Baekhyun asked, genuinely puzzled.

“Our life together begins from now.”

Baekhyun smiled, reaching out to cup Chanyeol’s bony face between his hands. “I think you’re right” he whispered, kissing him softly on his lips before nuzzling against his neck to lie comfortably. When the nurse came in to check on him, they got scolded for being in the same bed together, but he couldn’t have cared less and he refused to move.

Just like Chanyeol said, he couldn’t wait for that new chapter of his life to begin.

\---oOo---

After a few days, Chanyeol was able to get up from the bed and start carefully standing up on his own feet. At first Baekhyun was terrified from the thought of him falling or hurting himself, but Chanyeol was an obedient and diligent patient, and he never pushed himself, following the doctors’ instructions very closely. Soon he was able to stagger around with a medical walker, then to walk properly, even if still very slowly, always clinging onto Baekhyun’s arm. When he managed to walk along the whole corridor of the ward, he cried out in happiness and hugged Baekhyun tight.

Baekhyun was proud of him. Chanyeol was the ward’s mascot, because he always had a bright smile for everyone. The nurses adored him and did their best to satisfy his tantrums, almost treating him like a giant baby. During his morning walk, Chanyeol would peek in every room along the corridor and greet the patients and their relatives, exchanging a word with everyone. Baekhyun was a little ashamed of himself, because he never really talked to anyone while he stayed in the USA. He had been too engulfed on his own misery to realize that there were many people just like them, struggling with terrible diseases and waiting for things to get better. Maybe, if he hadn’t been so focused on himself, he would have felt a little better? Who knew. What really mattered now was that Chanyeol’s health was improving quickly, and that his presence by Baekhyun’s side was making him feel more serene and happy than ever.

As a direct consequence, he started tying back anew all the links he broke during his stay abroad. Now he was able to call his mother regularly, once or twice a week, and sometimes she even called his father over to talk to him briefly on the phone. Things were still a little awkward with him, but Baekhyun considered it a big improvement. At least they were talking, now. And he found himself telling his mother a lot of things he would have never even _considered_ telling her before. She expressed the wish to know Chanyeol in person, and honestly Baekhyun couldn’t wait for it. He wanted her to see how wonderful he was, and he wanted him to like her in exchange. Yoora and Chanyeol’s mom came to visit, and their reunion with the tall man was very touching, but for some reason Baekhyun didn’t feel like an intruder, because the two women were very warm to him for the whole time.

“You are the bravest man I know” Yoora said, when they were alone, “not many of those I know would give up everything for love.”

Baekhyun laughed sheepishly. “I’m no hero, Yoora. I am a scardey-cat.”

“You are very brave and generous” Yoora insisted, pulling him in a hug and kissing his cheek in a very sister-in-law-like way. “And very handsome, too” she added, winking to make Baekhyun laugh.

One night, gathering up all his courage, he dialled Sehun’s number and called him. “Oh, it’s you” the other replied, rather coldly.

“Sehun” Baekhyun started, “I called to say hello, and to tell you that Chanyeol woke up and he’s finally fine.”

“Oh” the other said, in a much warmer tone, “I am glad to hear this.” There was an awkward pause, during which both of them frantically thought about what to say.

“And you, how are you doing?” Sehun finally asked.

“Me? Oh, I’m doing well. I am happy... beyond happy, to be honest. I’m jubilant.”

Sehun snorted softly. “I can tell. Even your voice sounds brighter.”

“And you? How are you?”

“Well...”

Baekhyun heard a faint sound, and he understood that Sehun was muffling his sobs. He felt terrible, knowing that he ignored him for days after that angry call where they both yelled at each other. “Sehun, please, accept my apologies. I’ve been awful to you but I was too absorbed in myself to get around to tell that I’m sorry...”

“No, it’s not that.”

“What is it, then?” Baekhyun had a bad feeling.

“You know, when you told me that it was unfair of me lecturing you for being so persistent in assisting Chanyeol during his coma, I actually realized that you were right.”

“No, Sehun, I was angry and bitter. I didn’t mean hurting you...”

“I know. But it kind of helped me opening my eyes on the truth, I think.”

“What truth?” Sehun was definitely crying. He could hear his ragged breath even on the cracks and rattling noises on the line. “Sehun, please, talk to me.”

“You said that Luhan might also be dead, and... well, I think you were right.”

Baekhyun was breathless. “Sehun...”

The secretary finally lost it. “He would have never left me like this, Baekhyun, never. He loved me. Even if his family had made him leave, he would have found a way to contact me, at least to let me know that he was okay. He would have never left me hanging like this, knowing that I would have looked for him everywhere and I would be hurting like hell meanwhile. I think he killed himself, maybe because he felt guilty, or because he felt ashamed of himself. He told me a lot of times that his family was homophobic and oppressive... There can be no other explanation for this silence.”

Baekhyun considered comforting him, telling him it couldn’t be true, but there was no point in lying. Sehun was right. Luhan could really be dead. “I am so sorry” he managed to blurt out in the end, while listening to his friend crying. “Is there something that I can do to make you feel better?”

“No” Sehun whispered, “Baekhyun, can I say a really gay thing? I miss you. I feel so lonely right now.”

“Silly. How does missing someone makes you gay? I miss you to, by the way” Baekhyun joked, but his voice was full of affection. Somehow he managed to change topic, making Sehun talk about work and other things, and little by little the younger calmed down.

“Thank you for the call” he said in the end. “Say hello to Chanyeol from me.”

“Okay, Sehun. I’ll call you later.”

When he got back in Chanyeol’s room, the other immediately noticed that something was off with him. Baekhyun explained him everything, without hiding anything about his unpleasant behaviour towards Sehun in the past. Chanyeol listened to him attentively, stroking his hand from time to time.

“Do you agree with him? Do you really think that Luhan could have committed suicide?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I have no idea, to be honest. I don’t know him. But well, it’s a possibility.”

Chanyeol held his hand tighter. “Please don’t leave your friend alone during this difficult time, babe. Don’t leave him hurting all by himself, okay?”

Baekhyun nodded, letting Chanyeol reach out for him and wrap him in a sweet hug. He really needed it, in a moment like that.

\---oOo---

Chanyeol was dismissed from the clinic in November. Meanwhile, Baekhyun had been searching for a flat, and he found one in a rather quiet block. To be honest, he was a little annoyed with Chanyeol, because he didn’t help him at all, not even choosing furniture on the online shop. All the taller could think of, lately, was an interview where he would be asked a few questions about the experimental surgery he underwent. It would be aired from a rather popular local TV channel, and Chanyeol was crazy excited to be on television.

Sometimes he was just like a kid, Baekhyun thought, busy moving heavy boxes all by himself, so childish. “Make sure to watch the broadcast, okay?” he told Baekhyun. That afternoon he asked some nurses to help him doing his hair and face, and he looked absurdly happy while those bitches dolled him up and fussed around him with hair straightener and makeup tools. He was in a very foul mood while he left alone, took the subway and walked all the way towards the flat that soon would become their new shared house. Previously they both applied for citizenship, and Baekhyun felt bad when he was told that the examinations would be tough. Studying was the last of his thoughts, in a moment like that.

Even if watching Chanyeol chirping all happy on a stupid TV program was the last thing he felt like doing, he switched on the TV he previously bought and left it buzzing on the background while he started dragging the heavy boxes around and tried to assemble the IKEA furniture he purchased online. He was getting all flustered with a screwdriver and a fucking Bjursta table when suddenly Chanyeol’s hospital room was on the screen, and his boyfriend was smiling nervously to the camera.

He snorted when he noticed that Chanyeol even got his hair cut. He looked good, but the damn screw wouldn’t enter in his hole, so he focused on it instead of sitting down and watching. He was about to give up when he noticed that he was trying to push it into the hole backwards, so he just threw it angrily back in the box and sat cross-leggedly on the floor. Chanyeol was rambling about how he felt good now that the rehabilitation program was almost concluded.

Baekhyun had to admit that he looked exceptionally good. The nurses did a good job with his hair and makeup, also he was wearing a nice T-shirt that Baekhyun bought for him in a fashionable shop. That detail pleased him, compelling him to watch. His throat was hitching for a cold drink, but his eyes were glued to the screen. Something was weird. Chanyeol kept glancing nervously to the camera as if he wanted to do or say something. Now that he thought of it, though, wasn’t a little weird also the way he kept pressing him to watch the broadcast closely? Was he going to say something meant for him?

Baekhyun laughed the whole thing off, standing to get a beer from the fridge. He was rather proud of the flat he found. It was small, but spacious enough for two people. He loved the red brick walls, and he absolutely adored the enormous window in what would become their shared bedroom. The double bed was the first thing he purchased, to be honest.

He was distracted admiring the still empty sitting room, with screws and table pieces all scattered around, when Chanyeol, on the screen, suddenly asked the interviewer if it was okay for him to say something.

“Sure, you can go on” the interviewer, a pretty blonde woman, said, smiling with too many teeth.

“It’s something I’ve wanted to say for a while, but never really had enough courage to.”

Baekhyun blinked, confused. What was that idiot going to do? He wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of everyone like this, right?

“Baekhyun... you know that I love you. Without you, I would have never managed to overcome all this, I would have given up long ago. You were the one who kept me alive during all this time, and if I’m here today, I owe it to you. You are the centre of my life, babe. Will you marry me?”

_What?_

Baekhyun blinked once, then twice. Chanyeol spoke so quickly that his words got confused in the end. Did he hear correctly? Did Chanyeol really asked him to... he pressed his hand on his mouth, unable to believe his own ears.

But Chanyeol was smiling sweetly on the screen, and his beauty and his bright eyes weren’t lying. “I love you, Baekhyun. I want to spend my life with you forever.”

Baekhyun’s heart was beating at a crazy rate when the interviewer started cooing about how cute that improvised proposal was. Now everything was crystal clear: the reason why Chanyeol was so restless that afternoon with the preparations, and why he insisted that he watched the broadcast. In no time, Baekhyun left the flat, instantly forgetting about the IKEA table, the pretty window and everything else. He ran to the subway, rode it dodging the weird people hanging around at that nightly hour and he literally flew towards the clinic, climbing all the stairs towards Chanyeol’s room.

Of course, Chanyeol wasn’t sleeping. He was waiting for him, wide awake, and Baekhyun didn’t waste any time. “Yes” he panted, leaning on the doorway to catch his breath. “Oh my God, yes.”

Chanyeol gave in a loud laughter, stretching out his arms wide for him, and Baekhyun literally threw himself at him. Being that gorgeous man’s husband? Yes, please. He couldn’t imagine anything better that that.

“I bought these in Korea” Chanyeol confessed, handing him a tiny box. “Just before leaving, but it was a good idea, after all. The shop assistant took pity on me and even made me a discount.”

“Oh my God, oh my God” Baekhyun kept repeating, staring at the two identical shiny wedding bands inside the box. They were beautiful, and his heart was bursting. “Chanyeol. You’ve planned this since then?”

“Yes” the other murmured. “I wanted to marry you before the surgery, to be honest. But the thought that you might end up widowed and alone prevented me from doing anything reckless. I’m glad of it. This is much better, don’t you think?”

Baekhyun nodded. Then shook his head. Then nodded again. “My God” he said for the umpteenth time, hiding his face onto Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Baby.”

“Be mine forever, Baek” Chanyeol whispered, leaning in for a kiss, “make me the happiest man in the world.”

“I will” Baekhyun assured him, smiling against his mouth, “don’t worry. I will.”


	8. Eight

It was a peaceful Saturday morning, and Baekhyun was sitting in the café with Chanyeol, both tasting a glass of iced coffee. “I missed coffee so fucking much” Chanyeol was saying, “you have no idea.”

Baekhyun smiled. The night before they went out for dinner together, and even if Chanyeol still had to be a little careful with certain types of foods, it was heart-warming witnessing his joy in being able to enjoy tasty meals again, even a simple pizza or a bowl of ramyun. It was lovely even sitting quietly like this, their feet brushing casually under the table while they chatted with each other and spent some quality time together.

“How is your new job?” Chanyeol asked. Recently, after he passed his examination for citizenship, Baekhyun applied for a finance job.

“It’s okay, I think” Baekhyun replied. “I’m not very familiar with finance, but since it’s a company related to insurances, I think I’ll manage. Not everything is completely new, at least. I’m a little nervous, since it’s always tricky to get in a new work environment, but well. I am glad I took a lot of English classes when I was younger.”

“I’m sure you will do well, babe.” Chanyeol passed his examination as well, and was currently job-hunting as a preschool teacher. He was still doing some rehab, but it was just once a week, and in a regular gym. Baekhyun noticed that people, especially girls and young men, were staring at him inside of the café. Chanyeol’s arms, which were peeking from under the sleeveless T-shirt he was wearing, were toned and muscular, his shoulders broad.

“And you? Any news?”

“Still searching” Chanyeol replied, beaming broadly, “but I’m sure I’ll find something soon. I won’t be picky... I miss working with kids too much.”

“I can tell.” Baekhyun hadn’t missed the way Chanyeol’s eyes lit up every time they crossed path with a couple with a little kid. Seeing his boyfriend long for being around babies was making very unexpected feelings blossom in his chest, to be honest, but he still wasn’t able to name that weird mix of emotions. It was a little too early, maybe. The wedding’s preparations were absorbing most of his energy, at the moment. Yoora got a little too invested in helping them pick their wedding tuxedos, and she was currently hunting for a proper location with a determination that sometimes scared Baekhyun a little. Maybe a part of him imagined the whole thing a little more private, but it was nice seeing how their families looked happy with the perspective of them becoming a married couple. Recently, Baekhyun’s father even asked to exchange a few words with Chanyeol on the phone, which was something really rare.

Baekhyun was lost into thought, when his eyes focused on the slim silhouette of a young man wearing a suit and walking inside to reach the counter. “An Americano” he  ordered, and Baekhyun easily detected the Chinese accent in his voice. Something about him was very familiar, but  Baekhyun couldn’t remember where he saw him before. He could have sworn he already met him somewhere, though.

The man took his drink and sat on the empty table next to them, typing on a tablet while drinking. He wore glasses, but even if they were thick they couldn’t hide his exceptionally pretty button nose and dark eyes. His hair was carefully styled in a nice wave that fell on his forehead.

“I swear, Baek. If you don’t stop staring at strangers, I might get a little jealous” Chanyeol said, only half-joking.

“Sorry. I think I already saw that guy somewhere, I was trying to remember...”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “The oldest excuse ever. I want a divorce.”

Baekhyun laughed. “When we’re not even properly married yet?”

Chanyeol kicked him under the table, and they ended up laughing together. The Chinese guy glanced at them once, then resumed his typing.

“By the way... have you heard from Sehun recently?” Chanyeol asked. His foot was lightly brushing against Baekhyun, and the latter was having a little trouble focusing on the reply.

“He called me yesterday. I’m worried, to be honest. He sounds very depressed.” Baekhyun noticed out of the corner of his eye that the Chinese guy suddenly froze, and that he was listening to him. Whatever, he thought. “He seems convinced that Luhan is dead. He’s almost... mourning, I think.”

“Poor thing” Chanyeol murmured. “Is there something we can do in order to make him feel better?”

Baekhyun sighed. “I don’t know. Last time I talked to him via video call, he honestly looked terrible. He always was very stylish and well-dressed and so on, but last time he looked like the ghost of himself. He forgot to shave and his eyes were bloodshot. I think he’s been drinking, and I don’t like this.”

“Invite him over” Chanyeol suggested. “I don’t mind, really. Maybe it will distract him a little.”

“I thought about it too, but he’s quite proud, and I don’t know if he would accept...”

“Excuse me” the Chinese guy suddenly said in Korean, leaning towards them, “I heard your conversation. You... you aren’t talking about Oh Sehun, right? Oh Sehun from Seoul?”

Baekhyun blinked, and then instinctively backed away, startled. The unknown guy looked frantic, almost panicking. “Do you have news from him? Is he unwell? Please, I need to know.”

Baekhyun couldn’t stop staring at him. Now he remembered where he already saw that pretty, almost feminine face, those delicate features and those big and gentle eyes. On Sehun’s fridge, on that pinned picture.

Chanyeol stood up, grabbing the Chinese by his shoulders in the attempt to pull him away from Baekhyun. “Listen, dude, I don’t know who you are, but I don’t think this is the way to...”

“I’m Luhan” the Chinese man said, “Sehun’s boyfriend. What do you mean he is depressed? Please, tell me, I need to know...”

Chanyeol was still holding Luhan, and the cafe’s other clients were starting to look at them funny. “Let’s get out of here” Baekhyun blurted out, “we need to talk in private. I have a feeling this won’t be easy.”

They ended up sitting on a bench at a nearby park, because for some reason Baekhyun didn’t want that guy to enter his house. Maybe a part of him actually _wished_ that Luhan was dead, so that at least Sehun’s pain wouldn’t be completely pointless, or maybe there were other reasons. Luhan was undeniably beautiful, with porcelain complexion and eyes that could have drawn in every breathing human, didn’t matter if male or female. A vague feeling of envy, mixed with the lingering fear that Luhan could have used his charms to horribly deceive Sehun for God only knew what kind of aim, were starting to make Baekhyun’s blood boil.

Thankfully enough, Chanyeol was with him.

“Why don’t we start from the beginning, Luhan?” he asked, very kindly, and Baekhyun glared at him. Already friendly with the enemy? Sometimes, Chanyeol was really a naive soul.

“I don’t know you” Luhan objected, suddenly acting uptight and making Baekhyun dislike him even more. “I don’t think it’s right to spill everything to two unknowns.”

“My fiancé, here, is very good friends with Sehun. We are asking you because we’re very worried for him.”

At the mention of Sehun, something seemed to crumble in Luhan’s stern expression. “I...” he swallowed hard, “I don’t think you got the situation right.”

“Then would you then enlighten us, please?” Baekhyun asked, crossing his arms on his chest. “Or shall I punch some sense onto your pretty face first?”

“Baek” Chanyeol said, patting the shorter’s arm. “Don’t be like this.”

“You tell me first” Luhan insisted, and  Baekhyun noticed that his hands were curled into nervous fists in his lap, the white knuckles showing. “How’s him exactly? How bad... how bad is he doing?”

“He is suffering” Chanyeol gently replied, “because he thinks that you are dead.”

“God in Heavens. Why?”

“Because you disappeared out of the blue and never contacted him afterwards, apparently.”

Luhan averted his gaze. “I... I didn’t do it on purpose. Not to hurt him, at least.”

“Then why?”

“There’s no point in explaining to you” Luhan suddenly blurted out, getting up and starting to walk away. “You wouldn’t understand, anyway. You already decided I’m the bad guy, didn’t you?”

Baekhyun grabbed his wrist and made the man spun around, actually smashing him on the bench again. “Don’t fucking _dare_ walking away” he hissed, when Luhan squeaked in indignation. “You will explain to me what the fuck happened to you, and then I will tell Sehun. He deserves to know for what kind of insensitive asshole he has wasted his love in all these years.”

Luhan looked at him, eyes big and pleading behind the thick glasses. “It’s not like that” he insisted. “It’s complicated.”

“Well, it’s Saturday” Baekhyun growled. “I was planning to spend a peaceful day with my fiancé, but apparently it’s already ruined, so well, I’m here to listen to your pitiful story. You better be exhaustive, I am a black belt in hapkido. I’d be delighted to kick your sorry ass if your words don’t sound enough convincing.”

“Baek, calm down” Chanyeol intervened. “Luhan, Baekhyun is a little of a hothead, but he’s right. If not us, at least Sehun needs to know the truth. I can see that you care for him. Wouldn’t you like putting his suffering to an end?”

Luhan pushed Chanyeol away. “This is ridiculous. You’re harassing me” he protested. “I’m going to call police.”

Baekhyun was about to go all out on him, when Chanyeol spoke again. “Why did you run away, Luhan? You still love him.”

Luhan stared at them, eyes wide, breath coming out in short puffs, and Baekhyun was actually very annoyed with Chanyeol. What was the point in being romantic, in a moment like that? Luhan was obviously a fake and a heartless man. He dumped a sweet boy like Sehun to get in the USA, and he was there being all sassy while his poor friend was crying his eyes out in Korea thinking that he was dead.

These were exactly his thoughts, in that moment, and he was positive that he was right. It was just when Luhan finally started crying, that his confidence started to waver.

“It’s like I said, isn’t it” Chanyeol cooed, rubbing Luhan’s shoulder in a comforting way, exactly as he would have done with one of the babies he took care of in Korea, “leaving him wasn’t your choice. This is why you panicked, when you heard us talking about him.”

Luhan emitted a choked sound, a sound carrying so much pain that Baekhyun felt the urge to sit next to Chanyeol, his anger suddenly deflating. Didn’t Sehun mention something about an oppressive family? Maybe he had been too quick to judge Luhan.

“It’s true, I left him without a single explanation” the Chinese man sobbed, “but not willingly. I was forced.”

“Forced by whom?” Baekhyun pressed on, but in a much more gentle tone.

“My father arranged a marriage for me” Luhan whispered. “Without me knowing. And before I could do anything, I was married to a woman and heading overseas by plane.”

The statement fell on them like a landslide. Chanyeol and Baekhyun stared at each other, frantically thinking about something to say.

“But you could have called, at least” Baekhyun started, “I don’t know, at least to let him know...”

Luhan shook his head. “How could I” he murmured. “I was so ashamed of myself. Unable to come out to my family. Unable to tell my wife that I lied in front of the altar because I was too much of a coward to tell the ugly truth. Unable to get a hold of me and stop denying what I really am...”

Something awful happened to Baekhyun’s guts, when he heard those words. He knew that feeling, and even if he believed that he successfully buried it inside of himself, it all came down on him in that moment.

Yes. He had been to quick in judging Luhan.

“I think my father found out about my relationship with Sehun, this is why he imposed me to marry Lei out of the blue. It was so shocking. I was still trying to explain myself, to protest, I don’t even know why, that this absolutely terrified unknown girl was walking towards me in a wedding gown. I couldn’t say the truth to my family, but especially to her. She’s genuinely attached to me, and she doesn’t have a good social background. She would end up crushed by a divorce, and so would I. My family would turn its back on me, and I would end completely alone.” Luhan sniffed, hiding his face in his hands. “I am not strong enough” he wept, “I am not strong enough to face all this.”

Chanyeol was still comforting him, patting his back gently while he cried, and Baekhyun was wracked by weird and unexplainable emotions. He felt jealous, frustrated, sad. He wanted Chanyeol to take him into his arms and say that everything was okay. He still wanted to kick Luhan’s butt but also to wipe his tears and say that everything would be alright.

“What are we supposed to do, now?” he blurted out, when he couldn’t contain himself anymore. “Should we tell him that you are alive and well?”

Luhan glanced at him, then averted his eyes quickly. “Maybe” he whispered, “you could just tell him that I’m dead for real.”

“I’ve had enough of this bullshit” Baekhyun growled, grabbing his bag and walking away.

“Baek” Chanyeol called him, “where are you going?”

“Anywhere far from here” he replied, “the air got so toxic, I can’t breathe.”

He reached the street, then aimed straight for a bar. It was still early, but he needed to gulp down some alcohol to save himself from the monsters in his mind.

\---oOo---

Chanyeol called him two hours later, and Baekhyun was already drunk when he picked up. “Yeeeah?” he slurred. “Might it be my sweet soon-to-be husband?”

“Baek, where are you?” Chanyeol sounded worried. “I’m home, but you’re not here.”

“Obviously, you moron. I’m elsewhere. Won’t tell you, so stop asking, mkay?”

“Baek, what’s wrong? Please, babe, talk to me. I can tell that something about what Luhan said made you really upset.”

Baekhyun sighed, and then hiccupped. “Oooh. You are really smart.”

“Baek, are you drinking?”

“Yes” Baekhyun gulped down another shot of cheap whiskey. It burned like hell down his throat, but at least it numbed his mind. “So what?”

Chanyeol sighed. “I’ve accompanied Luhan to his flat. His wife was there, she insisted to offer me tea and cake. She seems a very sweet girl.”

Baekhyun snorted. “Well, maybe you should get a wife too, then. Too bad you decided to marry a guy.”

“Baek, what’s going on? You’re making me scared.”

Baekhyun _knew_ that it was wrong, getting angry to Chanyeol. As well as he was perfectly aware of the fact that it wasn’t his fiancé’s fault, if he got sick and fell into a coma for five months, leaving him alone and hanging. And even if Chanyeol and Yixing were two completely different people, and treated him in completely different ways, his old wounds were still open, and bleeding. It didn’t make sense, this was why he was so angry. He felt angry towards the whole world. For not being accepting enough, for creating messes like Luhan and Sehun’s fucked up relationship, for making him stupid and too fucking sensitive and coward and just plain _idiot_ —

“Baekhyun” Chanyeol was getting angry too, now, “I’m going track you via gps, okay? Stay put.”

“No. Don’t fucking dare coming here.”

“But why?” Chanyeol insisted. “Is it because of Luhan? He’s not a bad guy, Baekhyun, I swear. He’s just trapped in a situation that can’t be solved easily. Maybe... maybe he’s right. Maybe we should really let Sehun think that he’s not alive anymore...”

Slowly, squinting because of the tears, Baekhyun pressed the red button and ended the call. He had nothing to say to Chanyeol, if he thought that way.

“What’s wrong with me?” he whispered.

“Nothing, hun” the barista replied, “but you’re really wasted. Maybe you should let your boyfriend come pick you up. You could always quarrel later, don’t you think?”

Sighing, Baekhyun handed him a few dollars and he got out. He was walking on wobbly legs, and he didn’t go far before Chanyeol appeared behind his back, grabbing him by his wrist. “Fuck” he said, as soon as he took in fully his flushed face and dazed eyes, “I’m bringing you home.”

Baekhyun let himself get dragged around, feeling strangely philosophic. Maybe what happened to the poor  Sehun was just a metaphor of what love really was. Maybe nobody could ever love like in movies or in romance books. Maybe love was just an overrated thing, and marriage only consisted in being accustomed to someone without hating him or her too much. His eyes swelled with tears again, and he kept following Chanyeol around with his gaze downcast.

“Now” the latter told him, folding his arms on his chest, when they finally arrived safely inside of their flat, “I want you to tell me what the hell happened to you all of a sudden.”

From the couch where he was slouched on, Baekhyun snorted. “You talk so harshly to me, but you were all smiles towards that liar.”

Chanyeol sat beside him. “Babe” he said, caressing his cheek, and Baekhyun burst out crying again. “Babe” he repeated, wiping his cheeks with a tissue, “please, I don’t understand. What’s happening?”

And then Baekhyun snapped.

“Yes, you don’t understand” he yelled. “You can’t do it. You can’t have the faintest idea of how I felt while you were laying on that hospital bed. Hell, I even cleaned your shit, you know? Oh, but of course you don’t know.”

Chanyeol backed away as if he had been burned. “I... I don’t think...”

“Yes. And do you want to know a thing? What Luhan said it’s true. Sometimes you can’t come out, you can’t be yourself, you can’t express what you are freely, because the consequences might be terrible and you could be crushed at any time. Oh, but of course you can’t know even this, since you have an amazing family that supports and loves you. You can’t understand what really means being utterly and completely _alone_ against the whole world...”

“Baek, you’re just rambling. Maybe you should rest a little?”

“You know, I met a boy, while you were unconscious. He was very cute and I almost cheated on you.”

Chanyeol stared at him, incredulous. Baekhyun held his gaze for long, until the tall man looked away, all his determination crumbling down like a castle of cards.

“I was lonely before meeting you” Baekhyun said, “I was lonely while waiting for you to wake up. And now that I thought that everything was finally okay, deep down I’m still lonely.”

“Baekhyun...”

Baekhyun looked at him coldly. “Don’t fucking dare coming to me, Chanyeol. I need some time by myself.” With a little difficulty, he got on his feet. The majority of the alcohol’s high was gone, and he could almost walk straight.

“Don’t go” Chanyeol pleaded. “Please. Don’t go like this. Let’s talk.”

Baekhyun turned to look at him. He saw a tall man all hunched up on a couch, staring at him with teary eyes and a trembling lip, and he almost couldn’t recognize the man he loved.

“I’m sorry, Yeol” he said, “but if you can’t support me when I’m like this, then we should really think it over.”

He put on his shoes and walked away, leaving  Chanyeol in tears behind his back.

\---oOo---

When he came back, it was almost four in the morning. The flat was dark and silent, and Chanyeol already went to bed. There was nothing left for Baekhyun on the table, as Chanyeol did every time his fiancé returned home late because of work.

Baekhyun was taking off his shoes by the door, when he noticed Chanyeol’s enormous ones next to his, and he started tearing up as soon as he took in the image fully.

He had vomited such terrible things over him.

He dragged himself on the couch, determined to sleep there, but then he found himself tiptoeing towards the bedroom. He wanted to at least make sure that Chanyeol was okay.

The tall man was asleep on his half of the bed, laying on his side as he always did, his big feet peeking from behind the covers. He had a habit to tear them away from the edge of the mattress, which Baekhyun hated, because he couldn’t stand having cold feet during his sleep, but there was something tender in the way that big man was hugging his middle in a semi-foetal position, leaving Baekhyun’s half of the bed untouched. Slowly, Baekhyun crept to the bed and let himself down on the mattress. Chanyeol stirred a little in his sleep, but he didn’t turn, so Baekhyun took a little courage and finally started talking.

“I am sorry” he began. “So very sorry, babe.”

Without saying anything, Chanyeol turned and grabbed him in a tight hug. His big hand cupped the back of Baekhyun’s head, cradling it, threading his thick fingers among his soft locks, and the shorter couldn’t help but cry again. He was so sick of crying, though. He had been doing nothing else all day.

None of them spoke for a very long time, while they held each other and found comfort in their shared warmth and closeness.

“I...” Baekhyun started, when he couldn’t take it anymore, but Chanyeol shushed him.

“You are right” he said. “We never spoke about the time while I was away. I foolishly thought that you were already over it, since you are so strong, but I was wrong.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “Me? Strong? Babe, you got it all wrong. I’m a weak idiot. I was about to give up on you...”

Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun’s forehead with infinite kindness, taking his breath away. Then he moved to his temple, to his fluttering eyelids, to the tip of his nose, to his cheeks. He was covering his face in kisses, and Baekhyun couldn’t stop crying. “How can you kiss me like this when I was so unpleasant to you?”

“Because I love you” Chanyeol whispered, holding his face between his big hands and pecking his lips gently, “and I am actually happy that you told me all those things. I needed to hear them, I think. And you needed to let them out.”

Baekhyun hugged him tight, burying his face into his chest. “You’re too good for me.”

“Listen, next time you feel lonely, don’t go away. Come to me, okay?”

Baekhyun nodded, nuzzling into Chanyeol’s scent, which he loved so much. “Please, accept my apologies.”

“No need, babe. There’s nothing to forgive.”

Baekhyun was starting to fall asleep, feeling warm and secure in his fiancé’s embrace, when Chanyeol spoke again.

“There’s another thing. Luhan called me just a little time ago, and he told me that he would like meeting Sehun in person. To tell him the truth. What do you think about it?”

Baekhyun sighed. “I think that it will break Sehun’s heart” he murmured. “But at least will put his suffering to an end. And he deserves some sincerity, after all these lies.”

Chanyeol stroked his hair and kissed Baekhyun’s crown. “I will make amends for all the time that you’ve waited for me and hurt, babe, I swear. I will make you the happiest man on the planet.

Baekhyun wanted to tell him something, but he was already dreaming. That night, he dreamt about his upcoming wedding. And when he woke up, he brought Chanyeol breakfast in bed.


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... who saw the smut coming? :D

Suddenly the wedding was too near to keep calm about it. Baekhyun was nothing but a nervous wreck, and he would jump at any comment or slightly misplaced statement. In addition to all that mess, Sehun was soon going to come to New York to attend the ceremony, and he expressed the wish to meet Luhan. Previously, Baekhyun gave him the (hopefully) good news on the phone, but the secretary’s reaction was unexpectedly bland, as if he’d been expecting something like that and he didn’t really care anymore. Baekhyun didn’t know what to think about his friend’s behaviour, and he was very worried about the two meeting after such a long time.

That night, he turned the key into the lock of Chanyeol and his’ flat, then crashed onto the couch without even taking off his shoes.

“Stressful day at work?” Chanyeol asked from the small kitchen. Baekhyun could smell his boyfriend’s yummy cooking, but he was too tired to get up.

“Yeah” he whined from the couch. “And your sister has been calling me for the whole day. Her current obsession is flowers. I could care less about flowers. She’s been rambling about peonies and hyacinths and gardenias and if I wanted the ribbons burgundy or crimson while I had important stuff to do and people was breathing on my neck.”

Chanyeol bent over him to plant a kiss on his lips. “She’s just trying to make everything perfect for us.”

Baekhyun glared at him. “You sure? Looks like she’s rehearsing for _her_ wedding, to me.”

Chanyeol snorted and ruffled his boyfriend’s hair. “Don’t be nasty.”

“I don’t even know what a gardenia looks like exactly” Baekhyun pouted, leaning his forehead on Chanyeol’s shoulder, who smiled at pecked at his temple.

“Leave these things to her, she loves them.”

Baekhyun huffed. “I would have never imagined that getting married could be so complicated.”

Chanyeol smirked again and then helped him on his feet, guiding him at the kitchen table, the one Baekhyun was busy assembling when the taller proposed to him on TV (Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile a little to himself every time he recalled that episode). As usual, since he was the one still job-hunting and had more free time, Chanyeol was the one who did the cooking, and that night he presented to his boyfriend a gorgeous plate of bibimbap. They started eating, occasionally glancing to the lit TV and commenting on the news. It was enjoyable and rather peaceful, but Baekhyun knew Chanyeol too well not to notice that something was off with him. Chanyeol looked way more distracted and spaced out than usual, also he kept dropping his spoon as if he was nervous for something.

“Something happened today, babe?” he asked, worried. He knew that Chanyeol’s job hunt was getting frustrating, especially because the taller hated being a burden for him, who was the only one earning money at the moment. Chanyeol was rather proud, in his own way.

“A daycare centre a few blocks away called me today, they’re looking for a full-time teacher. I’ll be starting my trial period next month.”

Baekhyun smiled. “This is great. Are you happy?”

“Yes” Chanyeol beamed, and from the way his eyes suddenly lighted up Baekhyun was sure that he wasn’t lying, “I am very happy. I went to check the place today, and it’s seriously wonderful. I really like the educational style, and the centre looks very Montessori-oriented, with all these awesome fine motor skills programs and sensory play activities... I think I’ll have fun there. The colleagues seem pretty agreeable as well.”

“I am so happy for you” Baekhyun repeated, squeezing Chanyeol’s arm in a gentle way. The taller glanced at him and blushed a little, making his heart flutter. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Uh, I’ve been wanting to tell you, really. It’s just that, maybe, I had another thing to tell first.”

Baekhyun suddenly tensed up. “What?” he asked, on pins and needles. “Something bad happened?”

“No. Are you done eating? I think it’s better if we talk while sitting on the couch.”

Slightly dazed, and now terribly worried, Baekhyun absently helped Chanyeol put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, washed his hands and then sat stiffly on the couch, waiting for his boyfriend to do the same. “Something happened with Luhan?” he asked. Lately, the Chinese man had been calling Chanyeol a lot of times, just to chat. The two seemed to get along well, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel a pang of shameful jealousy every time he heard Chanyeol laugh while he talked to him.

“No. Actually, I wanted to talk about the wedding.”

Baekhyun’s stomach jumped up into his throat. “Okay...?”

Chanyeol took his hand, squeezing it gently in his bigger one. “It’s not what you’re thinking, Baek. I’m not taking back my proposal, so you can stop making that face.”

Baekhyun visibly sighed in relief, making Chanyeol laugh. “Can you stop dancing around it and just spit it out?” he said. “This is getting a little frustrating, you know.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol caressed Baekhyun’s hand with his rough thumb. “I booked a hotel suite in Venice for the both of us, along with a guided tour of the city.”

Baekhyun blinked. “For the, uhm, honeymoon? You booked it already? Isn’t it better to do it last minute?”

“Yes and no. I noticed that you looked particularly tired and stressed lately, so I thought it would be nice to get a little free time just for the two of us, without friends who need to be babysit or my sister fussing on us. Anyway, who decided that a honeymoon should necessarily be _after_ the wedding? We’ll be leaving in two days.”

Baekhyun was speechless. He didn’t know what he had expected exactly when Chanyeol said that they needed to talk, but surely nothing even remotely similar to this. He was happy, though. More than just happy, to be honest... the perspective of shutting the world away for a few days and just spending quality time with his lover was electrifying.

“I don’t think it’s possible, though” he objected, trying to keep his feet planted on the ground, “I have a lot of work to do this week.”

Chanyeol pulled him closer and looked at him mischievously. “Too bad. I chose a really fancy hotel near St. Mark’s square. There’s also a Jacuzzi in the room.”

Baekhyun swallowed. Chanyeol was very close and he could feel his warm breath fanning over his lips. “Well, uhm, I guess they wouldn’t deny some time off to a model employee like me...”

“I guess not” Chanyeol purred, taking Baekhyun’s upper lip between his plump ones and pulling on it slightly. Baekhyun could feel all the blood rushing from his brains towards much lower regions, but he didn’t lose focus.

“And who’s paying? Sorry if I’m rude, but Venice isn’t famous for being the cheapest location for a trip.”

“Now you’re being annoying” Chanyeol said, pouting cutely and making Baekhyun snort in spite of everything. “Let’s say that Luhan has some good contacts in Italy, and that your parents were nagging me about what kind of present we would have liked to receive...”

“My parents paid for everything?”

“Yes. And the idea of leaving before the actual wedding was your mother’s. She said you sounded down on the phone lately and that a little distraction might be good for you. Isn’t she a smart woman?”

Baekhyun was prey of contrasting emotions, in that moment. He was touched, still vaguely confused and worried for the uncertain details, but he mostly felt _excited_ , now. Also a little bit horny, if he had to be sincere.

“Other questions?” Chanyeol teased him, dragging his lips over Baekhyun’s cheekbone towards his ear. “I really want to bring you there, babe” he added, his voice getting low and sultry, “let me do something nice for you, just for once.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes, letting Chanyeol kiss him on his mouth. He let himself drown in the kiss, abandoning himself against his boyfriend much bigger frame.

Sex had always been a delicate issue, between them, both before and after Chanyeol’s surgery. They still didn’t engage in a full intercourse, not even now that Chanyeol was fully recovered physically. Chanyeol never asked him, and Baekhyun always avoided to, since he was afraid that the taller could still feel insecure about his virility, after losing his sexual drive in the past. With time, Baekhyun learnt to enjoy his fiancé’s warm embrace without demanding anything else, finding relief by himself if things really got tough. Chanyeol always dealt with him in a very chaste way, all hugs and kisses, being the most dependable and adorable boyfriend, but he never pushed things further, and Baekhyun learnt not to expect anything, even if sometimes it could get really frustrating. Especially when he recalled that only time when they managed to enjoy a hot night together, back when they still knew nothing and were still strangers to each other. If he thought about the way Chanyeol’s cock felt inside of him, he could still feel his cheek getting hot.

But now it all felt so different. The way Chanyeol was looking at him had nothing chaste or innocent. It was definitely sensual... and Baekhyun was hard in his working suit, the tie constricting his bobbing Adam’s apple in a painful way.

“Did I manage to make you a little bit excited, babe?” Chanyeol asked, leaning over him to peck at his lips again. Baekhyun whimpered when he felt Chanyeol’s hard-on press against his thigh. “To be honest... _I can’t wait_.”

Baekhyun’s mouth fell open when Chanyeol’s soft lips pressed a trail of kisses to the side of his neck, sending shivers all over his body. He frantically tugged at his tie to get rid of it, and he moaned loudly when Chanyeol finally earned full access to his milky throat, sucking at the tender skin.

“Shall we take it to the bedroom?” Chanyeol murmured, making Baekhyun shiver.

“Yes” he breathed, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck. He gasped when the other hooked an arm behind his knees and lifted him almost effortlessly from the couch, carrying bridal-style towards the bedroom.

That night, while he did nothing but tremble helplessly in his embrace, Chanyeol took his breath away.

\---oOo---

Baekhyun was admiring the spires of the cathedral from the hotel’s window. The square was already filled with people, even if it was still early. They arrived in Venice after a hellish flight, where they encountered many turbulences and they couldn’t get a wink of sleep, so they went straight to bed and slept soundly. He could hear the sound of the water falling into the shower, and the quiet humming of Chanyeol who was enjoying his morning wash.

Everything felt different and amazing. They ordered breakfast via room service, and they satisfied their sweet cravings with a lot of delicacies. They had fun tasting all the different kinds of jam and spreads over fragrant bread toasts, and they drowned the most dense and bitter (but undeniably greatest) coffee of their lives.

“What are you thinking about?” Chanyeol asked, approaching him from behind and wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s middle.

“That I am lucky” Baekhyun replied, turning so that he could kiss him, “and that my boyfriend looks hot, all wet in this bathrobe.”

“Hmm” Chanyeol hummed, deepening the kiss.

“Wait, let me shower and get dressed...”

Chanyeol scoffed. “Why?”

“Because today we’re supposed to visit St. Mark, Canal Grande and a gazillion of other stuff. Now, if you’ll let me go...”

Chanyeol held him firmly in place. “I’d like to stay here, for today.”

Baekhyun’s cheek turned crimson. “Oh, you mean...”

“Yes.”

“You know, people paid for us to go on tour” Baekhyun weakly protested, but Chanyeol’s lips felt so good on his nape that his reasoning quickly turned into a meaningless mumbling. “Maybe we shouldn’t waste this opportunity.”

“We will see it later” Chanyeol said, matter-of-factly. “We have plenty of time. Come.”

Baekhyun took his hand and let him guide him towards the luxurious bathroom. The biggest Jacuzzi he ever saw was already filled with scented lukewarm water. “Oh” he murmured, “this is so nice.”

Without talking, Chanyeol helped him undress, putting his pyjama shirt and boxers on a stool. “Go inside” he said, while slipping out of his fluffy bathrobe, which gathered graciously around his feet. Baekhyun entered the tub first, making a little room for Chanyeol, then leaned his nape on the edge while the other turned on the water massage. “You were right” he purred, scooting closer, “the cathedral can wait.”

Chanyeol said nothing, but he took him into his lap, stroking his back until his hand came to cup Baekhyun’s nape, pushing him forward for a kiss. Their tongues found each other, sliding lazily against each other while Chanyeol’s thick fingers started working Baekhyun’s body open for him.

Baekhyun loved everything of it. He loved how it always hurt in the beginning – just a little, just enough to make him cry out and shiver – and then pleasure blossomed slowly, coiling deep inside of his belly. He loved the way Chanyeol’s body heaved on him, bigger, bulkier, strong muscles and limbs pinning him down as if he weighed nothing. He loved how Chanyeol was always gentle at first but then gained tempo and vigour, bringing him on the verge of climax and then slowing down, letting him enjoy a little more before coming hard.

Chanyeol pushed inside of him slowly, helping him hook his ankles around his hips, then he grabbed his thighs, kneading the soft flesh into his big hands. “You are so warm” he panted, lips hovering on Baekhyun’s ear, brushing against his mole. “And you are so beautiful...”

What Baekhyun liked the most, though, maybe even more the sex itself, was the pillow talks that always followed. When they were finished, they quickly rinsed themselves then staggered on buckling knees towards the bed, where they laid without caring about dampening the covers. Baekhyun immediately nestled himself against Chanyeol’s chest, tangling their legs together.

“I missed you so much” he admitted, closing his eyes. Someone could have argued that such a statement didn’t make sense, since they had been inseparable after Chanyeol woke up from his coma. Chanyeol, though, understood the hidden meaning.

“Me too” he revealed. “But I was afraid. I didn’t feel ready.”

Baekhyun breathed in his boyfriend’s scent deeply. “I know. This is why I never pressured you.”

They both stayed silent for long, remembering the miserable moments before and after the surgery, when their lives got crushed but then started anew. “We went through a lot of difficulties, didn’t we?”

“Yes. But now we’re here.”

Their lips found each other again, kisses tasting like honey. “What do you want me to do, babe?” Chanyeol murmured. “Today I’m all yours.”

Baekhyun blushed. There _was_ something he’d been wanting to try, but he wasn’t sure if it really was okay to ask. It was a little extreme, after all, and he was afraid of Chanyeol’s reaction.

But Chanyeol was staring at him so intensely, and all of a sudden a weird courage surged through his chest. “I want you to... to lick me.”

“Okay” Chanyeol smiled, sneaking a hand between their bodies to underline the backside of Baekhyun’s cock, “I will be delighted to.”

“No” Baekhyun corrected him, “no, I didn’t mean, uh, a blowjob.”

Chanyeol quirked an eyebrow. “No?”

“No.” Baekhyun was dead embarrassed. “Sorry, it’s okay. Pretend I’ve said nothing.”

“Oh” Chanyeol suddenly understood what the other meant, and a wild blush spread on his cheeks. “Wow” he whispered, looking amazed. “I would have never thought of it.”

“I know. I’m sorry, let’s do it the usual way, okay?”

“Let me try.”

“What?”

“Just... let me try.”

Baekhyun gulped. Chanyeol looked totally thrilled with the perspective of rimming him, and he started breathing with a little more ease. He got hard, meanwhile, and he could feel Chanyeol’s fingertips stroking his shaft absently, barely brushing against the velvety skin. “Babe” he panted, when Chanyeol gently pushed him on his back, making him bend his legs so that he could manoeuvre to rest on his elbows between his thighs.

“Close your eyes” he said, and Baekhyun complied. When the wet tip of Chanyeol’s tongue started drawing circles on the inside of his thigh, teasing the tender skin, he sighed deeply. There was something perverse in being so exposed, so open for someone else’s eyes. He felt vulnerable and helpless, in that position, but the feeling was strangely exquisite.

He loved it.

Chanyeol nipped at the underside of Baekhyun’s balls, taking his time teasing him and making him anticipate what would come later. He kissed at his most private parts with infinite care, dealing with him as if he was something frail and precious. And Baekhyun felt frail indeed, ready to burst and shatter into a million pieces.

He forgot how to breathe, when Chanyeol’s tongue circled his rim slowly. He forgot how to swear, how to cry out and how to talk coherently. He just laid there, quivering, fingers loosely tangled among Chanyeol’s thick hair.

When he came, it was like an earthquake. He started shaking from the core, convulsing and twitching on the soft mattress, but still unable to shed the faintest sound besides panting hard and raggedly. He trembled for long, feeling Chanyeol caress his legs in a soothing way. “I’ll be back immediately, babe” he murmured, before getting on his feet and padding away.

Baekhyun rolled onto his side, his body still tingling with aftershocks. He felt exhausted and drained, physically but above all emotionally. He hummed softly when Chanyeol spooned him, getting back to bed. Judging from the vague smell of mint, he went rinsing his mouth, which made Baekhyun smirk.

“Thanks” he whispered.

“You’re welcome” Chanyeol murmured. Then he suddenly started giggling, and Baekhyun, with some effort, turned to face him.

“What’s so funny?”

“You know, you tasted _outrageously_ good.”

Baekhyun smacked him on his arm. “How can you say something like this?!”

“You taste sweet, actually” the other went on, now openly laughing. “Like sugar. I am not kidding! Ow!”

“Idiot.” But Baekhyun was laughing too, now. “You’re such a giant baby.”

They kissed, rolling around the big and comfortable bed. Then, suddenly, Chanyeol flashed Baekhyun a smile. “One more.”

Baekhyun was speechless. “What? Are you kidding? That would make three in a row.”

“Yes. One more, I say.”

“No, no, wait” Baekhyun protested, struggling to keep his legs closed while Chanyeol was playfully trying to pry them open, “I don’t think I can take it...”

“You can” Chanyeol cooed, skilfully sneaking between his knees and pressing their bodies together again, “and I want it.”

“God, you’re really shameless.”

Chanyeol bent down to kiss him deeply. “Maybe” he whispered, chuckling softly and making Baekhyun close his eyes in bliss when he entered him again.

\---oOo---

In the end, they went to visit the Cathedral the day after, after basically spending the whole time making love, eating and dozing. Since it was very late, they waited in line for two hours under the scorching sun. Afterwards, since they felt a little lost without their tour guide and they couldn’t understand the language, they just strolled around googling what looked interesting. Baekhyun wanted to get on a gondola, at least to take a picture, but the gondolier asked them twenty Euros and they just gave up. The weather was hot and there was plenty of people around, and nobody really paid attention to them, an Asian couple holding hands and walking around without a real purpose. Chanyeol wanted to buy a Venetian mask, and they went to various shops until they found a very nice one, purple in colour and decorated with gold swirls to hang it on their living room’s wall. They took many selfies taking turns wearing it and making weird faces at each other.

They both felt very sad when it was time to get back home, but they were sure they would have remembered their Italian vacation for long.

Once in New York, Yoora immediately took Baekhyun hostage, dragging him to a shop where she purchased a wedding suit for him. Baekhyun had to admit that the girl had a good taste, because both the trousers and the jacket seemed designed just to emphasize his narrow waist and broad shoulders. She helped him choose a good pair of shoes and some very stylish cufflinks.

“What did you choose for Chanyeol?” he asked, terribly curious.

“As if I’m telling you” Yoora sniggered, showing him some confusing sketches about the room where the wedding reception would be held and rambling about flowers and tables and chairs and other unimportant things. Baekhyun was seriously restless, though. He honestly couldn’t wait to see Chanyeol walk towards him in a suit, looking elegant and handsome. Chanyeol had always been the hoodie and baggy pants type, and he always complained about it. 

Suddenly the wedding felt so real, and it was so near that it was almost scary.

On a more worrisome, sadder note in the end Sehun arrived in New York along with Baekhyun’s family. When he saw him in person, Baekhyun felt relieved, because he looked way better than on cam. “I’m so happy to see you” he said, hugging him tight.

Sehun hugged him back, smiling. “I missed you, small one.”

Baekhyun immediately brought him on a tour of New York’s trendiest places, enjoying a careless afternoon with his best friend. He was aware, though, that a certain topic couldn’t be avoided any further.

“I think you need to know” he said, while they were eating pizza for dinner, “that Luhan is in town, and that Chanyeol invited him to our wedding.”

Sehun blinked once, then took a sip of water. “Okay.”

“I told Chanyeol it was a stupid idea, but looks like those two are pretty close friends.”

“I’m okay with that, really.”

Baekhyun wasn’t going to buy it, though, and he told him in the face.

“Then what should I do?” Sehun said, sounding exasperated. “Pull my hair? Walk around like a lovesick puppy? Jesus, I’m an adult, not a teenager.”

“I was just saying that it’s going to be painful.”

Sehun stared at him intensely. “Listen, I’ve reached a point where I honestly couldn’t hate, love and miss him anymore than what I already did, all this together, yes, you got it right. When you told me that he was alive, the first think I felt was relief, and then happiness. Just a few minutes later, though, I cried myself to sleep.”

Baekhyun shook his head, reaching out to grab his friend’s hand. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you, Sehun.”

“Please, let me finish. I need to talk to someone about all this, or I’ll get completely crazy.” Sehun was eating, while talking, but Baekhyun could see, from the way he kept sniffing discreetly and stuffing his mouth, that he was just trying to distract himself from crying. “I imagined every possible scenario about his sudden disappearance from my life, including a few where he was kidnapped, tortured, held captive, thrown from a cliff and God only knows what else. I was so happy to know that he is alive... but when I realized how much pain and loneliness he went trough, I could feel nothing but agony.”

Baekhyun hesitated, unable to understand. “I would feel so betrayed” he admitted. “That guy lied to you for all this time.”

Sehun flashed him the littlest smile. “Baekhyun, not everyone is as brave as you. And I know Luhan well... he’s a kind man. Very kind.” He put down his knife and fork, blinking the tears away. “He would never do anything to disappoint his family or that could harm his wife.”

“But he did hurt you, his lover” Baekhyun insisted, “in the most horrible way...”

“He didn’t want to disappoint me either, Baek” Sehun whispered, “don’t you understand?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “This is so fucked up.”

“Maybe. But it’s all true. All I needed to know is that he is alive and well. I feel as if a giant weigh has finally been lifted from my chest, you know.”

Baekhyun wiped his nose on a tissue. “Fuck, you’re such a sweetheart.”

“That’s a very gay thing to say.”

He punched Sehun on his elbow, making him finally laugh.

\---oOo---

The last few days before the ceremony passed in a flash. Baekhyun was so frantic that he could barely sleep. Thankfully, Chanyeol was practically glued to him for the whole time.

“Relax” he would tell him, “it’s going to be alright.”

Trembling and vaguely incredulous, Baekhyun found himself clad in his wedding suit, hair freshly dyed and nicely combed, the most meticulous makeup on his face and eyes and a crimson peony pinned onto the front of his jacket. He totally forgot the whole flowers issue until he saw it.

When he walked into the room, his legs felt like jelly. They agreed that no wedding march or cheesy music was needed, but Yoora convinced Baekhyun to hire a harp player, and a very dreamy music was floating in the place where their families and friends were all gathered together for them.

“Come” Chanyeol said, taking his hand and guiding him inside. Baekhyun blushed madly when he saw how beautiful Yoora made him. He was wearing a light gray suit, his hair was slicked back showing his gorgeous forehead and his eyes were shining. He would have given up a leg or even all two just to kick away all those annoying people and take his lover somewhere quiet to be together, just the two of them.

“I’m scared” he confessed, while they walked towards the mayor, who was waiting for them with a smile.

“Don’t” Chanyeol murmured back, “I’m right here with you.”

Baekhyun’s brain was foggy during the first half of the ceremony, when the mayor just read them their civil duties as husband and husband. His head felt light and he was honestly afraid that he could faint at any moment and just fuck everything up. Chanyeol, though, as solid as a mountain, was holding his hand tightly, as beautiful and proud as a prince, and Baekhyun just needed to glance at him to feel instantly better.

His heart started to pound madly in his temples when the moment of reading their wedding vows finally came.

Chanyeol was the first.

“Baekhyun” he began, “I have so many things to tell you.

“I could start from saying how we crossed paths casually and then grew attached to each other in a very short time span, or how we went through many struggles together, but I won’t say it, because we already know it.

“Baekhyun, I owe you my life and my happiness. This is what I’m going to say. You collected me when I was beaten and lonely, and you guided me through the thickest darkness. I think I’ve never told you that I actually heard your voice, while I was unconscious. It felt like I was floating underwater, drowning and helpless, but the knowledge that you were there, stubbornly reaching for me, made me feel safe. I’m not lying, if I saw that you gave me the willpower to return. I’ve done nothing besides following your voice calling me back to life.”

Baekhyun couldn’t held his tears back. Memories of those terrible hospital days, the interminable hours of silence and anguish, the loneliness, the pain assaulted him all at once.

“I know that you hate it when I say it... but I consider you my strength. You are my pillar, my lifesaver.”

Baekhyun unsuccessfully tried to wipe his tears with his fingertips, in the attempt not to smudge his eyeliner, but thankfully Sehun was right behind him, as his best man, to hand him a providential tissue. Meanwhile, Chanyeol’s voice started quivering.

“In sickness and in health, in joy and pain, I want to be there for you, every time. With all I have.” He visibly gulped, lower lip trembling. “And I’m honoured to become your husband.”

Baekhyun was so wrecked with feelings that he even found hard getting the paper where he wrote down his vow from his pocket. “Chanyeol” he began, doing his best to steady his voice, “I have always been a very lousy partner, for you.”

That statement fell on the silent audience like a cold shower, and Chanyeol looked upset too. But Baekhyun didn’t stop reading.

“You are a wonderful man. You are kind, compassionate, very pragmatic and optimistic. I usually am the opposite, wavering before every decision to take, always doubting, always guarding myself. When we first met, I didn’t trust anyone, and I was pretty sure that I would end my days alone.”

He took a deep breath, glancing towards Chanyeol. He was starting at him with a soft smile lingering on his lips, and Baekhyun felt a tug at his heart when he saw the love in his eyes.

“I was bitter and alone, at that time. I distanced myself from my family, I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t have any purpose in my life.

“Soon, you became that purpose that was missing. I did all I could to keep you alive, while you were sick, because the perspective of losing you would have turned me into something wicked and awful. I didn’t want that to happen... I just wanted us to be happy, together. Just like today.”

He was crying, unable to stop himself, and he found himself sobbing so hard that he had to make a pause and wipe his eyes and nose before going on.

“I want us to get all the happiness that we missed until now. I want us to be as imperfect and lousy as we are, but together. Alone, I am nothing. But with you... with you I am different. I am a much better person.”

He was seriously bawling, when that last sentence came out, all shaky and hiccupped, but he nonetheless managed to say it aloud: “I love you.”

What came afterwards all passed in a flash. He felt his hand sweating slightly, safely encased in Chanyeol’s palm, while the mayor declared them husband and husband. And then Chanyeol pulled him forward for a kiss, and he almost flinched when the room erupted with cheering and clapping and blessings from the people they loved.

There was so much noise... all he could see and hear, though, was Chanyeol, beautiful and sweet, hovering above him. “I love you, Byun Baekhyun, my lifesaver.”

“I love you, Park Chanyeol, my happiness.”

And then, they partied hard, letting go of everything. Families and friends came to congratulate them, and after a few glasses of sparkling wine  Baekhyun lost count of how many hands he shook and how many people he hugged. He definitely held Luhan tight, though, when he came to greet him.

“You are the luckiest bastard in the world” he hissed into the Chinese man’s ear, who strangely came alone and didn’t bring his wife along, “because I don’t think I’d ever leave a spineless idiot like you have my Sehun, if he wasn’t so madly in love with you.”

Luhan looked at him incredulously for a moment, then excused himself and disappeared amidst the crowd.

“What did you tell him?” Chanyeol asked, frowning.

“To man up” Baekhyun replied, drowning another glass. “Dance with me?”

“Baek, you’re drunk.”

“So are you. Can we just dance _now_?”

Chanyeol just grabbed him and made him swirl, eliciting a bubbly laughter from him. While they spun around, Baekhyun caught many different shots. Yoora, pretty drunk herself, who just climbed on a table and started dancing madly. His father clapping his hands enthusiast and begging his mother to join him for a trot dance, while she kept refusing. Sehun and Luhan talking quietly to each other, sitting together at the same table. Everywhere, just smiles, happy beautiful people, music, pretty colours, the smell of those crimson flowers (which were just amazing, by the way). But the best image was Chanyeol’s slightly flushed face, staring at him from above, his gaze soft and his eyes bright.

Yoora hired a pretty decent deejay, who pumped up the music, and everybody started dancing to the beat. Soon, the elderly people started leaving the party, their families hugging them for long before going. Baekhyun was pretty damn high, both on happiness and on wine, when Chanyeol decided that the party was over and that it would have been nice going home safely.

While he was calling a cab and they got their coats, though, Baekhyun saw a couple hugging in a darkish corner, and when he spotted Luhan’s blonde head tucked against Sehun’s broad chest he felt a pleasant warmth spread all over his chest.

“I am so happy” he whispered, nestling against Chanyeol in the rear seat.

Chanyeol just smiled and leaned down to kiss him, while their hands intertwined in the semi-darkness, their rings shining like the future they would have ahead of them.


	10. Ten

Everyday life tasted different, as newlyweds, like walking on clouds.

Baekhyun found himself thinking about Chanyeol in the weirdest moments, when he was at work, while he was on the bus or when he was grocery shopping (“will Chanyeol prefer having meat or fish for dinner?”). He didn’t think using the “I” pronoun anymore, but he always used “we”. That was how being part of a couple was supposed to be, probably, not a really big deal. But Baekhyun definitely felt that the wedding made something change in the way he looked at his husband. It was almost like having regressed to his teenager’s years again, except that his mind was still one of a man in his thirties.

His love for him just kept increasing.

He could feel it when his heart swelled seeing Chanyeol dozing on the couch while waiting for him to return home when he had a shitload of work to finish, the dinner all set and untouched on the table, or when Chanyeol spooned him in the morning after his alarm rang and whispered against his nape “stay for another little bit”. Or when he saw that Chanyeol was really tired and he just pulled his big feet on his lap and casually started massaging them, as if it was the most natural thing to do. Or when he nagged him because he always stuck to his favourite hoodies and baggy pants while his closet was full of pretty clothes that would suit him better.

Chanyeol was a warm chest to cuddle after a hard day, the gentle voice telling him that everything was okay when he felt insecure, the sweet touches on his skin when the lights went down, the big hand encasing his little one when they walked somewhere together. Chanyeol was his perfect half, the one always optimistic and smiling when he felt gloomy and depressed. Day after day, he could feel himself fall for him deeper and deeper.

And for some reason, keeping that love just for themselves felt a little wrong. They came to that realisation slowly, talking honestly to each other and discussing everything without freaking out and falling prey of unjustified fears and anxieties.

One day, while  they were enjoying some time off at the park, a little child bumped into them, or better, he came running and he crashed against Baekhyun’s leg before he could do anything to catch him. Of course, the baby fell to the ground and started crying loudly. Baekhyun looked around, the baby’s mother wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Chanyeol, though, knew how to deal with crying kids.

“There, there, nothing happened” he cooed, helping the little boy on his feet and getting a tissue out of his pocket to wipe his nose. “Are you hurt?”

The baby, who was probably around four or five years old, shook his head no. “Where’s your mom?” Chanyeol went on, squatting to meet his eyes. Baekhyun couldn’t tear his eyes away from his husband taking care of that unknown boy, very weird feelings bubbling in his chest.

The little boy kept crying, confused and maybe also a little in pain, so Chanyeol just gathered him into his arms and held him close to his chest. “It’s okay, sweetie, it’s okay. We’ll find her, don’t worry.”

Gradually, the baby calmed down, leaning his head against Chanyeol’s chest. Slowly, maybe unconsciously afraid to ruin that small beautiful moment, Baekhyun reached out to smooth the boy’s hair. It felt so soft under his fingers, silky even if slightly dampened by sweat. Chanyeol caught his gesture and smiled to him softly, making Baekhyun’s heart flutter.

In the end, the baby’s mother came running, terrified because her child ran away while playing. She thanked Chanyeol and Baekhyun countless times, and she made the little kid thank them too. They waved at him for long while the woman brought him away, scolding him but in a very sweet voice. Apparently, the joy of having her son back made her fear and anger disappear quickly.

Walking home, that day, felt a little gloomy. Chanyeol and Baekhyun both felt a weird feeling of nostalgia, almost a longing, put them in a melancholy mood. They had dinner in a cute Greek restaurant, but they couldn’t focus on the food and the conversation was kinda forced too.

When they went home, Baekhyun went to shower first, leaving Chanyeol half asleep in front of the TV. When he was done, he patted on his husband’s head gently to wake him up and pull him towards the bathroom (when Chanyeol was sleepy like that he was almost like a zombie). Baekhyun changed into his favourite boxers and tee and slipped under the covers, listening to the sound of the water falling in the shower, then inhaled the soap’s scent following Chanyeol and closed his eyes while he got himself ready for the night. 

He waited until his husband spooned him from behind, their favourite way to sleep together, then he finally talked.

“Have you ever thought of having a baby?”

Chanyeol sighed softly, making the hair on Baekhyun’s nape fly. “It’s not like we could, anyway.”

Gently, Baekhyun turned to face him, settling against the soft pillows and combing Chanyeol’s damp hair away from his beautiful face. He always scolded him for going to bed with wet hair, since he was prone to colds and headaches, but that night it wasn’t the right time to nag.

“I meant adopting one” he specified, keeping his voice low and gentle. “What about it?”

Chanyeol stared at him with his big eyes, pitch black in the dim light, then raised one hand and he started caressing Baekhyun’s cheek. “I thought about it many times” he admitted in the end, looking bashful.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Baekhyun quietly asked.

Chanyeol shook his head. “I don’t know. I wasn’t ready, I think. And I didn’t know how you felt about it.”

“But now it’s different?”

“Yes. Now it’s different.”

Baekhyun leaned into the touch, nuzzling against his hand. Now Chanyeol was playing idly with his hair, drawing soothing circles into his scalp. “It’s the same for me, actually. Since that time in Seoul, when I saw you at your workplace surrounded with kids, this fantasy settled in a corner of my mind, I think. You looked so happy, surrounded by all those little babies, your eyes were glowing even if you were sick. That was the first time I realized that you would be a fantastic father, you know? And this thought never really left me, resurfacing from time to time, in the most random moments. I kept imagining how it would feel holding a baby to my chest, calling him by his name, knowing that he’s my – our – son...”

Chanyeol smirked. “Looks like we are ready, doesn’t it?”

Baekhyun smiled back, but then sighed. “Tell me honestly. Do you really think I could be a good dad?”

As an answer, Chanyeol just gathered him into his arms and held him tight. “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes” Chanyeol pulled away just enough to kiss him on his lips. “Yes, really. You are the sweetest man I know. And you know how to take care of people.”

Baekhyun chuckled, inhaling Chanyeol’s scent deeply. “Are we really going through a new adventure together, then?”

“We did much worse, to be honest” Chanyeol said.

“True.”

“Kiss me?”

Baekhyun kissed him deeply, quickly losing himself in that warm embrace.

\---oOo---

Months passed slowly, while they carried on with their life. After that nightly talk, they sent an application for international adoption to a non-profit organisation that dealt with Asia, especially Korea. It was an easy decision to make, since they both were well aware of the many orphanages and institutions for kids without a family in their home country, and they wanted to give one of those a better chance. They had been warned, though, that the waiting list was very long, and that adopting a Korean baby, for American citizens like them, wouldn’t be the easiest thing to do. In spite of everything, though, they accepted the challenge.

It was a weird feeling, for Baekhyun. He guessed it could be comparable (even if the thought was a little cringe-worthy) to those women who suddenly found out to be pregnant and needed to get accustomed to the fact that they could become mothers sooner than what they could think. Frankly, he couldn’t wait to hold his baby close to his chest. He found himself fantasizing about shopping for him, like buying a bunch of cute little clothes (not light blue, though, because he didn’t like gender-specific colours), toys or spending much more time than now at the grocery store to get milk, baby food and whatnot. For some reason, he always pictured his son to be male, maybe because it fulfilled a very peculiar feeling of his that Chanyeol, him and their future son would be all males, but he really had nothing against growing a cute little girl, combing her hair in pigtails, dressing her cute and shooing away all the boys that wanted to marry her.  Sometimes he smiled to himself, picturing Chanyeol acting all goofy to entertain their baby, or soothing him when he was upset, even feeding him a spoonfuls of baby food.

He went meeting Chanyeol for lunch more often, now, especially because he liked seeing snippets of him while taking care of the kids at the daycare centre. His husband always wore his sweetest smile, while in the middle of all those noisy little creatures, and even if he was clad in maybe the ugliest apron ever, he still managed to look great. He glowed, really. And Baekhyun couldn’t help but gawk and blush at him as if he was still in his teenage years.

So, when the phone call finally arrived, they both rejoiced. Their son’s name was Kim Seohyuk, he was two and a half years old and he lived in an orphanage in Seoul. Along with the information about the baby, it came a small picture, and they both stared at it in awe.

“Is it him?” Baekhyun asked, touching that little face with trembling fingers. “Is it really him?”

“It’s him” Chanyeol confirmed, voice heavy with emotion. The picture showed a baby with a vaguely chubby face, almond-shaped eyes and a mop of thick-looking black hair. Another person would have probably said that he looked average, but for them it wasn’t like that.

“Seohyuk” Chanyeol whispered.

“Seohyuk” Baekhyun echoed, holding his husband tight.

They booked a flight to Korea and they immediately showed up at the orphanage, without wasting time seeing their families first. Seohyuk was the absolute priority.

The orphanage was much less frightening than what they pictured in their mind, much more similar to a regular kindergarten than ever. Baekhyun’s heart was pounding, when an assistant introduced them to a big common room where many little kids were running and playing around. “Where is he?” he asked, unable to hold back. “Which one is Seohyuk?” He was suddenly afraid that he wouldn’t be able to recognize him amidst all those babies. They were all so cute to him, and thinking that they were all orphans made him feel like bringing them all home with him. For some reason, Chanyeol was very silent, and always a few steps behind him, as if that place was making him uneasy. Baekhyun grabbed his hand and dragged him forward, ignoring the stare of the assistant.

“Hyuk isn’t very social” she stated. “He is quite a solitary and introverted kid. He usually spends most of his day by the bookcase in the dorm, because he likes laying on the floor and looking at books.”

“I see” Baekhyun murmured, still furiously scanning the surroundings. There literally were kids everywhere, little girls with braids or pigtails staring at them blinking their eyes, or hyperactive boys running around with toy cars and whatever.

“Actually, he is very talkative when asked something. He just seems to enjoy the company of adults more than kids.”

“Can we know something about his past? When did he arrive at the orphanage?”

The woman looked at Baekhyun pretty sternly. “Mr Byun, it’s not okay for us to tell many details about our little guests. It’s for their privacy and their right to be loved in spite of everything, I hope you can understand.”

“I do” Baekhyun assured her. “Really.” He didn’t tell her that a person working at the adoptions’ organisation revealed them that Hyuk’s parents were both killed in a car accident. Baekhyun didn’t know much about children’s psychology, but he was sure that even the smallest child could end traumatised after such a tragedy. And thinking that Hyuk already suffered more than other kids of his age just made him love him even more.

Finally, they reached the bottom of the corridor and they entered a pretty bright room. The walls were covered in short shelves full of children books. The floor was covered with a padded rug, and there were some comfy pillows scattered around, along with a couple stuffed toys. Even if the place looked nice, it was practically deserted.

Just one little kid was turning a book’s pages, looking at the pictures.

Baekhyun felt his heartbeat’s rate increase. Hyuk was tinier than what he expected, but something about him just compelled him to take a few steps towards him.

“Hello” he said, talking in a very sweet voice that he rarely used, “hello, Hyuk. How are you today?”

The baby raised his gaze and stared at him. His eyes were black and fairly big. “Hello” he cautiously replied. He looked at Baekhyun carefully. “Are you my dad?”

Baekhyun’s breath hitched in his throat. “I...” he swallowed, kneeling down on the padded rug to reach the baby’s eyes, “yes, I am. I am Baekhyun-appa.”

Actually, Seohyuk looked rather surprised. “Miss Wang told me that today two people who will be my appas would come. I thought it was a lie.”

Baekhyun was amazed. The baby spoke with a dignified accent, and his speech was fluent even if he was still so little. He was smart and curious, and now he was staring at him even more closely than before. Baekhyun felt like a perfect fool, half-kneeling like that in front of a toddler with a narrow throat and a trembling lip, but the baby surprised him again. After a while, actually, he just stretched out his hands and looked up towards him in an unmistakable way.

Interpreting his wish correctly, Baekhyun picked him up from the ground and held him in his arms. “It wasn’t a lie, right?” Seohyuk said, putting his little hands on Baekhyun’s warm cheeks. 

“Nope, baby” Baekhyun whispered, straining to keep his voice firm. “I’ve travelled a lot just to see you. I couldn’t wait to meet you, you know?”

Seohyuk smiled, stroking Baekhyun’s face. Then he noticed the tall man standing by the door. “And is he my other dad?” he asked.

“Yes. He’s Chanyeol-appa.”

“But why is dad crying?” Hyuk asked, looking at Chanyeol with his big, slightly fearful eyes. Baekhyun was staring at him in awe. He was really in his arms, warm, heavier than what he imagined, soft, alive.

“Because he’s happy to see you” he whispered, stroking the baby’s hair. It was pitch black and thick, and his thin fingers almost disappeared among it. “He waited for so long, to be able to come here. Give him just a little moment, and he’ll come to hold you too.”

Hyuk looked at him, then got distracted playing with the collar of Baekhyun’s shirt. Baekhyun couldn’t take his eyes away from him, his little button nose, his chubby cheeks, his almond-shaped eyes. He was the most beautiful thing he ever saw in his life, and he was his son... Chanyeol and his’ son.

“What would you like doing, baby?” Baekhyun asked gently. Previously, the assistant told them to spend some time with the kid in the building, to get him accustomed to their presence. After that, they would come the day after, and the other one, then they would be finally allowed to get home. “Show me the book that you were looking at.”

Enthusiast, Hyuk climbed off Baekhyun’s lap and padded on the floor to get an illustrated book. Baekhyun took it into his hands. “Oh, planes? Do you like them?”

“Yup. Miss Wang told me that you would bring me on a plane.”

“Ah, yes. We will need to ride one to go home. Are you excited?”

“Yeah.”

Slowly, while Hyuk comfortably sat on Baekhyun’s lap and started turning the pages of the book, Chanyeol approached them. Baekhyun glanced at him just once, but it was enough to take in his reddened eyes and flushed nose. Deep down, Chanyeol was a very emotional man, and Baekhyun just reached out and caressed his face gently. “Look, Hyuk, Chanyeol-appa came.”

“Hello” the baby muttered, staring at the giant kneeling towards him. Then, after a little thinking, he just mimicked Baekhyun’s gesture and he stroked Chanyeol’s cheek. “Hello, dad.”

“Hello, baby” Chanyeol whispered, before choking again. Baekhyun smiled softly, looking at him and feeling his eyes swell with tears. Chanyeol had been restless, during the long wait afterwards they sent their application. His wish to become a father, probably, was even stronger than Baekhyun’s, and a reaction like that was perfectly understandable.

He scooted aside, letting Chanyeol sit next to him. “Oh, this big white plane is lovely. Do you like it?”

“Yes” Hyuk replied, pointing at the picture with his little finger. “It’s called a Boeing.”

“And this one, what is called?”

“Uhm, an Airbus. It’s a funny name. Airbus.”

Baekhyun leaned his head against his husband’s shoulder, letting him sneak his arm around his waist to keep him close. Naturally enough, Hyuk nestled himself between them, happily wriggling his chubby toes and flipping through his favourite book’s pages. The two adults kept looking at him in adoration, occasionally raising a hand to stroke his thick and slightly long hair away from his eyes, or to caress his adorable little cheeks, and the baby seemed to enjoy that closeness and care.

They spent a couple hours with their son, then miss Wang came again, saying that it was nap time. Baekhyun felt his heart break when Seohyuk started protesting, telling the teacher that he would have rather staying with his two dads for some more, but the woman insisted that he needed some rest. They assured him that they would come again later, but the baby suddenly got teary-eyed, and Baekhyun had to put at use all his self-control not to snatch Hyuk from the teacher’s hands and just bring him away from hat awful place.

“How are you feeling?” Baekhyun asked Chanyeol, when they were outside. “You were having a bit of a hard time, before...”

Chanyeol snorted, then grabbed Baekhyun, lifted him effortlessly and made him spun around.

“The heck are you doing, moron?” Baekhyun protested, but he smiled when the taller man pulled him in a killer hug.

“I am so happy” Chanyeol said, holding him close to his thundering heart. Baekhyun smiled, resting his forehead against his husband’s chest. They were hugging on the street, just like that time when they were still dating, and he wasn’t scared anymore of people’s stares and judgement.

He didn’t feel the same man anymore.

They spent the night at a hotel, barely sleeping at the thought of meeting Seohyuk again the day after.

When they arrived at the orphanage in the morning, Seohyuk spotted them from the bottom of the corridor, and he ran all the way towards Chanyeol, hugging his legs with a bright smile. Chanyeol picked him up and made him sit on his shoulders, which the baby absolutely loved. They spent most of the day with him, letting him usher them around, proudly showing them the place where he lived until now. Baekhyun’s heart bled when he saw the dorm, with all those tiny cots squeezed one next the other, and the big canteen where almost fifty kids all sat to eat together. Miss Wang and two other assistants took turns feeding those who were disabled or too little to eat by themselves, and after a while Chanyeol just started to help them, taking a kid after another on his lap to help them eat. Baekhyun was afraid that Hyuk could feel jealous, since he seemed very attached to his giant dad who had been playing with him for the whole morning, but actually the baby just climbed on his lap and looked at him philosophically.

“Eunjae and Soojun can’t eat by themselves” he explained Baekhyun, pointing at the two little boys that Chanyeol was helping, “because their hands aren’t good and they keep dropping the spoon. Also, they always get very dirty because they can’t swallow the food well, so they need to use a bib like small kids.”

“Don’t worry, Chanyeol is just helping them a little, then he will come here again.”

“It’s okay” the baby beamed, leaning his head against Baekhyun’s chest, “I can eat with you, but they don’t have an appa to help them, so I’ll just let them borrow my other one for a moment.”

Baekhyun stroked the child’s cheek and forced himself to smile, even if that statement moved him. “You are such a good baby.”

“Miss Wang always told me to be good to other kids.”

That day, Baekhyun felt proud of himself. He never considered himself a kids’ person before, but with Hyuk everything was just different. Taking care of him came as natural as breathing. He ate with him, accompanied him to the bathroom to pee and wash his hands, he laid with him on a couch while the kid napped, he strolled with him in the garden after he ate his afternoon snack and they fed the pigeons some bread crumbs. He loved that baby in a way that he wouldn’t have thought possible, while he ran towards the birds and screamed when they flew away, and his heart leapt a little every time Hyuk called him “appa”.

Finally, the moment of leaving the orphanage came. Miss Wang and the other women working there thanked Chanyeol endlessly for all the help he gave them while they stayed, and they all said goodbye very warmly to Seohyuk. The baby looked a little upset at the thought of leaving the place, but he was absolutely thrilled by the idea of taking a real plane to get to his new house. He was allowed to bring along the book with planes, as a souvenir from Korea.

Before getting on the plane, Chanyeol and Baekhyun let their families meet Seohyuk. They took many pictures to capture those precious moments, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but feeling really touched, later, on the plane, when he sorted through his gallery and found a picture of his father smiling broadly with the baby on his lap. Hyuk was such a little heart-stealer, with his good speech and natural charm and curiosity, and he enjoyed the time spent with his grandparents, along as the many presents he received. His favourite, though, was definitely auntie Yoora, who gave him a fluffy hippo doll as a present. Hyuk slept soundly during the majority of the travel back to New York, holding the plushie close and snuggling against Baekhyun’s chest, with Chanyeol’s big hand leaning on his little back, safe and protected.

\---oOo---

“Isn’t he beautiful?” Baekhyun whispered, standing by the open door of Hyuk’s room.

Chanyeol silently approached him from behind, leaning his chin in the dip of his husband’s collarbone and hugging his waist. “He really is” he dreamily confirmed.

Hyuk was finally asleep in his little bed. After landing in the USA and getting home, the kid got unexpectedly energetic and took his sweet time exploring his new house and personal bedroom. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were tired from the travel, during which they didn’t manage to sleep much, but the baby wanted their attention and asked for a story, and then another, and then another one. Baekhyun fell asleep against Chanyeol’s shoulder at a certain point, only to get woken up by Hyuk poking at his cheek. “Appa, you were drooling. Chanyeol-appa, we need to change story, because Little Red Riding Hood is putting Baekhyun-appa to sleep.”

Then, after a light meal, the kid finally started getting whiny and blinking his drowsy eyes, so Chanyeol expertly gathered him in his arms and started lulling him to sleep. Hyuk, exhausted by the many emotions of those last few days, fell asleep quickly, letting Chanyeol put him in his bed without fussing.

Chanyeol lightly kissed Baekhyun’s cheek. “Shall we put you to bed too, sleepyhead?”

Baekhyun smiled softly, turning to peck his husband’s lips. “Only if you tag along.”

“Oh? I wanted to unpack first... kidding, sure that I’m coming, babe.”

Baekhyun playfully pulled him by his hand, dragging him towards the master bedroom. They were just in the middle of removing their latest pieces of clothes, in between a kiss and another, that they heard a faint rustling sound.

“What was it?” Baekhyun asked, worried. “Was it Hyuk?”

Chanyeol carefully listened for a while, then shook his head. “Probably he just moved a little in his sleep, nothing to worry about.” He moved to nibble at Baekhyun’s lobe, making him squirm.

“Shouldn’t we check on him?” he insisted. “Maybe he’s thirsty, I can’t remember if we gave him water before bed...”

“Babe” Chanyeol said, grabbing Baekhyun’s face between his hands, “focus. He is alright. No need to stress over these things, okay?”

Baekhyun blushed a little. “I think I have a lot to learn from you” he admitted. “I barely know anything about childcare. Will you help me, if you see that I’m doing something wrong?”

Chanyeol kissed the tip of his nose. “Sure, babe, but we’re an invincible team, remember? Don’t be hard on yourself.”

Baekhyun kissed him gently on his mouth. “I know” he whispered, before wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, pulling him down to deepen the contact. “I know that we’re both tired, but what about some quick quality time between husband and husband while the baby sleeps?”

“Sounds great to me” Chanyeol whispered back, brushing his hips against Baekhyun’s leg to let him feel his hard-on. “We can always unpack later, right?”

“Sure.”

Baekhyun laid down on the bed, letting Chanyeol help him take off his socks, and he spread his legs invitingly for his husband to settle comfortably on top of him. Things were just starting to get naughty, when the rustling sound of before distracted them again.

“Appa?” a very sleepy little voice called. “Appaaaa? Where are ya?”

“I think your son is awake” Baekhyun scoffed, making Chanyeol snort.

“I’ve got it. Put on some clothes, will you?”

Baekhyun complied, wearing his pyjama while Chanyeol went to get Hyuk from his room. “Where’s Baekhyun-appa?” he heard the baby ask, in a teary voice that went straight to his heart.

“He’s in his bed. Want to cuddle all together on the big bed?”

“Yeah.”

Chanyeol came with the baby in his arms. Hyuk’s sleepy face was the cutest thing Baekhyun ever saw in his life, and he happily scooted aside to let Chanyeol lay down on his side of the mattress and help the baby crawl towards Baekhyun. “Appa” Hyuk informed him, “I made a weird dream. Can I sleep here?”

“Sure, baby.”

Baekhyun opened his arms and the kid happily nestled himself against him, assuming the form of a little ball while he closed his eyes again and his breath slowed down. Chanyeol scooted closer, hugging both Baekhyun and his son with his long arms.

“I love you” Baekhyun whispered, feeling his eyes close, and he wasn’t sure whom exactly he was addressing to, if just his husband, the baby or both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really happy! I was literally dying to write this chapter, and I've finally got around to finish it! How do you like it? :D
> 
> On a side note, I'm amazed by the recognition that this story is getting. It got featured on http://baekyeol-fics.tumblr.com/, which is one of my favourite fanfictions' recommendation blogs, and I honestly couldn't believe it! I'd like to thank everyone that took his time to leave kudos and comments, you guys are the best! Sadly, next chapter will be the final. I might write a bonus chapter or two afterwards (we still need to know what happened to Sehun and Luhan, after all!), so... stay tuned!!!


	11. Fin

Baekhyun was at work when Sehun called him. He glanced at the phone screen, and after seeing his friend’s name, he blocked the call. Maybe it wasn’t exactly canon, but it was what he always did when Sehun called him when he was busy, and it became a habit. Sehun was always clumsy with guessing the right time to call because he never remembered correctly New York’s time zone, and he knew that Baekhyun would have phoned him later anyway, so he never got annoyed.

This time, though, he called again, and the buzzing of the phone startled Baekhyun, who was focusing on a pretty important task on his laptop. He sighed, then picked up the call. “Hey. What’s wrong? Is your house on fire or something?”

He had to bring the phone away from his ear, though, because Sehun started screaming the very moment he heard his voice. “BAEKHYUN! LUHAN IS HERE IN SEOUL!”

“What?” Baekhyun asked, tensing up. “How come?” He still didn’t know if being happy or worried about those news.

“He’s here” Sehun went on, so excited that his voice was shaking a little, “he’s here at my place. With a suitcase and a Korean visa.”

Baekhyun felt his stomach twist. “What is this supposed to mean?” That was just too weird. Chanyeol and Luhan would talk on the phone on a regular basis, and if he remembered correctly his husband chatted with the Chinese businessman just a couple days before. Everything seemed pretty normal... Baekhyun had been playing with salt dough on the kitchen table with Hyuk while Chanyeol kept rambling with Luhan about a certain football match they both saw previously on TV, criticizing the players and so on. He would have noticed for sure, if something was up.

He was aware of the fact that Sehun and Luhan were trying to put together the broken pieces of their relationship, but that was a total surprise.

“Uhm... and is it a good thing?”

“Yes” Sehun said, and his happiness, for a moment, made Baekhyun smile. “His wife ran away with another man and she asked for a divorce.”

Baekhyun blinked. “Oh my God” he said. “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. But this is a Godsend, I swear. I couldn’t imagine anything better, not even in my wildest dreams. Luhan is sleeping in our bed, and I am just--”

“Don’t dare start tearing up, moron” Baekhyun gently reproached him, “you were the one who talked first about good news, remember?”

“God, Baekhyun, I’m so fucking happy. He is free from his cage... and he’s back in my arms.”

“So has his wife been cheating on him for all this time?” Baekhyun asked, “And he never realized?”

“Apparently it’s just like this” Sehun confirmed. “She ran away with their next door neighbour. Like in the cheapest movies.” He was cackling. “I feel drunk, Baek, and I’ve drank nothing!”

“Don’t get too worked up. Luhan and you are still far from being the perfect couple.” Baekhyun actually meant it like a friendly reminder, but the statement somehow came out a little rougher than he expected, and he bit his lip hoping that Sehun wouldn’t get offended. He was always pretty sensitive when Luhan was involved, and every single misplaced word could be meaningful.

This time, though, Sehun agreed with him. “I know, Baek, I’m not that naive. I know we’ve still a lot to work on, but I’ve never actually realized that we were really getting back together until now. We are really trying hard, Baek, and fuck, it’s so amazing.”

Baekhyun smiled again, this time feeling more relieved. “Can you feel me hugging you from USA?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry for interrupting you at work, but I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore.”

“Say Luhan hello from me when he wakes up, and tell him not to fuck with my Sehunie, okay?”

“I hope you don’t mean it in a literal way” Sehun joked, and his sass made Baekhyun laugh openly.

“Take care, dumbass. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Me too. Bye!”

Baekhyun stopped at a pizza place to buy some pepperoni and plain mozzarella cheese slices to bring home, but when he got there, he was welcomed by some loud screams coming from behind the closed door.

He carefully pushed it open, and the first thing he saw was his son crying his eyes out on the couch while Chanyeol was kneeling next to him on the floor, trying to calm him down.

“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun asked, dropping the pizza carton on the table and rushing to Chanyeol’s side. “Is he hurt?”

His husband looked at him. “No. The daycare centre called me to come pick him up because he was behaving strangely, and when I got there he was already like this. I can’t understand what’s wrong with him...”

For a moment, Baekhyun felt terrified. If Chanyeol, who was accustomed dealing with little children and their needs, felt helpless, what could he do? But Hyuk was crying desperately, and screaming so loudly that his lips were getting bluish.

“Hyuk, it’s alright, don’t cry, baby. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it, okay? Don’t, honey, don’t.”

Baekhyun tried to caress the baby’s hair, but Seohyuk pushed his hand away. Baekhyun just couldn’t understand. His son never behaved like that before, and even if he started attending the daycare centre just recently, he liked going there, and he was always happy and giggly when Chanyeol or him went to pick him up in the afternoon.

Together, they did their best to calm the baby down. They used all the kind words they knew, they even tried scolding him, but it just didn’t work. Hyuk stopped crying just when he decided he was too tired to go on, blinking his eyes in exhaustion. “I am thirsty” he declared, scratching his throat, and Baekhyun ran into the kitchen to bring him a glass of water.

He watched the baby gulp it down, dying to ask him what was wrong again, but Chanyeol discreetly signalled him not to do it. “Let’s distract him for a while” he whispered, while Hyuk climbed down from the couch and went rummaging into his toys’ chest, “he’ll tell us later, when he’ll feel less upset about it.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Who wants some pizza?” he asked, in a forced cheerful tone, and Hyuk immediately dropped his toy car on the floor and went to check the contents of the cartons on the table.

“I want a bite of the spicy one.”

“No, it will make your tummy hurt. Chanyeol-appa and me will eat that, you got this big one all for you.”

“Wow” the baby gawked at the non-spicy slice of pizza. “It’s huge!”

Chanyeol cut it for him, and they all sat together to eat. Hyuk was probably starving, and he devoured a good half of his part while Baekhyun and Chanyeol barely tasted theirs, too lost in thought. They were still wondering what could be the possible reasons behind Hyuk’s strange crisis, when the baby suddenly spoke.

“Why don’t I have a mom?”

Baekhyun blinked. “I.. well...”

Chanyeol’s hand came to grab his under the table. They had been trained for questions like that, because the association that helped them find Hyuk gave them a lot of informative material about adoptions and LGBT families. Hyuk was a smart baby, and it was just normal, for him, to be curious. It was a little less normal, though, that he cried over it for a whole day.

“You know, Hyuk” Chanyeol started, glancing encouragingly towards Baekhyun, “some babies have a dad and a mom, some others two dads, just like you, and others two moms. Some just have one, a dad or a mom, and a lot of babies, regretfully, don’t have any.”

The baby glared at him, munching on his food. He looked broody, and Baekhyun caressed his thick hair, still a little damp because he had been sweating a lot during his crisis previously. “Something happened at school, Hyuk? You’re with us, now. There’s nothing to be afraid.”

Hyuk put the half-eaten slice back on the carton. “A boy at school teased me because I have two dads, and he called you in a bad way.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes for a moment, overwhelmed. He could take every homophobic comment, if he was aimed to himself, but he just couldn’t let anyone insult his son. That was just too much.

“He called you _fags_ ” Hyuk softly added, scowling, tears forming at the corners of his eyes, “and I got so angry.”

“Hyuk” Chanyeol said, gently, “don’t worry about it. Your appas are big people, they are not scared of a little child and his big mouth.”

The baby started sniffling, and Chanyeol was quick to pick him up and hug him tightly on his lap. Hyuk reclined his head on his father’s chest and started crying softly, this time whining pathetically instead of screaming out of rage and anguish. “I p-punched him, appa” he admitted, after a while, “I punched him and then he started crying because he got a bruise, and then I just started crying too, and couldn’t stop because I was so angry.”

“Don’t worry, sweetie. Tomorrow we’ll talk to the teacher, she will fix everything.”

Hyuk shook his head no. “Eun said he will tell his dad, and that he will kick your ass.”

In spite of everything, Baekhyun almost laughed at those childish threats. “Don’t worry” he said, “we’ll talk to him too.”

Gradually, Hyuk stopped crying, just resting his head against Chanyeol’s chest. “Shall we go to bed?”

“Okay.”

Chanyeol brought Hyuk in the bathroom for a quick wash before getting changed for bed, and Baekhyun ate some more alone at the table. Chanyeol returned after a short while, sitting down on the chair next to him. “He’s asleep. He was so tired he didn’t even ask for a story, this time.”

Baekhyun looked at him. “I returned home hoping to give you some good news, but then this just ruined the mood...”

“What happened?”

“Luhan’s wife ran away with another man out of the blue, and he just packed a suitcase and travelled to Seoul to stay with Sehun.”

Chanyeol smiled broadly. “I’m so happy for them. I knew something was off with that girl, she seemed just too perfect to be real, you know?”

“Yeah” Baekhyun said, but tears unexpectedly gathered at the corners of his eyes, and he bent down his head to hide them.

“Babe” Chanyeol whispered, stroking his cheeks, “please, don’t be sad. Hyuk is a smart boy, he’ll overcome this issue quickly.”

“I know, I’m not worried about it.”

“Then, what’s wrong?”

Baekhyun choked on a sob, letting his husband hug him tightly. “I can take every kind of mean comment about my sexuality and so on, but I can’t stand the thought of someone picking on my son, not even another kid.”

“This is something he will need to learn how to deal with.”

“I know, but he’s just a little kid. I was hoping he could live innocently for a while before this shit would start...”

Chanyeol held him tight while he sobbed. He knew that his husband wasn’t being like this for nothing, and that he tasted homophobia on his own skin for long before settling in with him. His heart ached if he thought about it, because Baekhyun was sensitive and gentle, and he hated picturing him bitter and alone, fighting with judging glances and mean comments. “Tomorrow I’ll talk to Hyuk’s teachers” Chanyeol said, “and then I’ll try contacting Eun’s father for a talk.”

Baekhyun lifted his head to look at him. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“Arrogant and big-mouthed kids need to be stopped, Baek, whatever is the reason. It’s just not right not saying anything and letting the whole issue die like this.”

“Can I do it?”

Chanyeol looked at him. “What?”

Baekhyun leaned his head against his shoulder. “Can I go and talk to this person? I want to meet him. I could explain them how much this kind of comments can hurt.”

Chanyeol didn’t reply immediately, so Baekhyun raised his head again to spy his reaction, and when he did so he saw that his husband was staring at him with bright eyes. “Why are you looking at me like this...”

“Because you are beautiful and strong, and I’m so proud of you” Chanyeol whispered, cupping his face between his hands and pecking his lips gently, “I love you so much.”

Meanwhile, Hyuk managed to climb down from his bed, being smart enough to learn how to do it without calling for his dad to help. He was padding towards the kitchen, maybe to steal another tasty piece of that pizza, but when he saw his dads hugging in the doorway he just stopped, hiding behind the shoes’ cabinet. Baekhyun-appa looked upset, but Chanyeol-appa was hugging him tight, stroking his hair just like he did to him when he couldn’t sleep or had a bad dream. He couldn’t hear what he was whispering, but he was sure he was telling kind words, Chanyeol-appa really was great at soothing people who cried.

Alone in the semi-darkness, Hyuk stared at his dads comforting each other, and he thought that they were beautiful together, the best dads in the world. Little Eun was really a dummy, if he thought his dads were weird. Careful not to make any noise to interrupt that private moment, he silently returned to his bed and snuggled under his cosy blanket to sleep some more.

\---oOo---

Baekhyun was nervous. That morning, at the daycare centre, he met with Eun’s father, a Korean man named Kim Joonmyeon. He had been the one coming towards him first to apologize about his son’s behaviour, and Baekhyun was actually surprised to find out that he seemed a polite and caring person. While they were there, also, the kids apologized to each other for what they did on the previous day, then started playing together as if nothing happened. Baekhyun, on a whim, decided to invite Joonmyeon, his wife and Eun to dinner that night.

Now, though, he felt restless. He finished late at the office, and he had to rush to the crowded supermarket to get the ingredients for a Korean-style dinner, and now he was still in his working suit, in desperate need for a shower, while the house was a mess and Hyuk’s toys were scattered on every available surface.

“Why, oh, why didn’t I keep my mouth shut?” he complained.

“Just go and wash up” Chanyeol told him from the kitchen. “I will clean what I’ll manage to while dinner gets ready.”

“Okay, make sure everything looks nice, or they’ll think badly of us.”

“Baek?”

“Uh?”

Chanyeol smiled broadly at him from across the room. “It will be okay, love. Just smile and don’t be nervous.”

Baekhyun blushed madly. When his husband smiled like that, he just couldn’t help it. “O-okay” he mumbled, stumbling into the shower. Hyuk was playing some complicate game about fire trucks and cars in the living room, oblivious of the tension surrounding him. He couldn’t look forward to play with Eun with his toys, and he had been nagging his fathers all day, asking them when his friend was coming.

While he got ready, Baekhyun experienced many different feelings all at once. He felt nervous, especially nervous, because he wanted to make a good impression on those still unknown people, because there were just so many things that could go wrong, with the food, for example, or with their still messy house, and whatever. And what if things would get awkward at a certain point? What if conversation would get stale, or if everyone suddenly fell silent? He desperately wanted everything to be perfect. For him, sure, for his personal tranquillity, but especially for  Hyuk. He wanted to protect his son from every bad thing, if he could. He  wanted him to be giggly and happy and careless for as long as possible.

In the end, Joonmyeon, his wife and Eun arrived a little late, giving Baekhyun the time to finish getting ready.

Chanyeol was still looking after the grilled pork belly, so Baekhyun was the one who went opening the door.

Before turning the knob, though, he stopped for a second, analysing his feelings.

His old self, he suddenly realized, would have never done anything bold like inviting over the couple. His old self would have cried and hurt all alone, hoping for the bad moment to pass on its own, or he would have died of fear, letting insecurities block him.

It all lasted for a very short moment, but  Baekhyun felt a wave of relief wash over him.

He changed so much, during those last few years, and he felt like he changed in a good way. He felt... better. And he was perfectly aware that, whatever the difficulty could be, he wasn’t alone facing it.

“Baek?” Chanyeol called from the kitchen. “Why aren’t you opening?”

Too emotional to reply properly, Baekhyun turned towards him. “Chanyeol, I love you from the bottom of my heart.”

The other stared at him, but the tip of his ears suddenly became red. “Oh, I know that. I love you too, sweetheart. Now, will you just open that door?”

Swallowing just once, Baekhyun opened. Joonmyeon greeted him warmly, and his wife handed Baekhyun a bottle of wine they brought as a thank you gift. Hyuk immediately grabbed the other child’s hand and proudly showed him his room and his toys. The two babies quickly lost themselves playing with his little cars, while the adults sat to enjoy some pre-dinner drinks and snacks.

Chanyeol sat next to Baekhyun, and the dinner finally started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all for now, guys!!!  
> I'll add a bonus chapter about Luhan and Sehun because there's a lot still untold about them, I might split it in two parts because it became so long while writing it omg XD  
> I enjoyed immensely writing this story, it grew on my little by little. Thanks to all those who showed love and support, you guys are the best! <3


	12. Bonus (first part)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally got around to write this! It got longer than I expected, so I splitted it in two parts (second part will be coming shortly). It basically gives some insight of Sehun's role in the main story. I hope you will enjoy!!!

Sehun was making the dinner table. One plate for him, one for Luhan. One glass for him, one for Luhan, and so on with chopsticks and napkins. He was a little in a hurry, because he came home late from work and he had to get some take-away food because he didn’t have any time to cook. Luhan always came home around half past eight, and by that time he miraculously had everything set and ready.

He sat down, watching some TV while he waited for him. The japchae he ordered smelled good, and he could feel his stomach grumble in anticipation. Luhan always came home later than him, because he worked as a proofreader for a small publishing agency, and being a little of a perfectionist himself, he never let anything slide, always wanting to make sure that everything was fine before going home in the evening. Sometimes Sehun even went to bed before he came back, only to feel his boyfriend tiptoe in the room and sneak under the covers to warm up his chilly feet and hands against him much later.

He wasn’t worried, actually. It was just normal, that Luhan was a little late.

He mindlessly started munching on some food, flipping through the channels. He watched one episode of his favourite sitcom, then he got bored and checked the clock again.

Now it was just very late... but he guessed it was okay. Just in case, even if he was aware that Luhan rarely paid attention to his phone when he was working, he texted him. _You okay, babe? Got some tasty food for tonight. Pay attentions to robbers in the train, TV said they’re getting wild_. _I love you_.

He went to shower and he washed his hair, trying to ignore his phone, still on the kitchen table. For some unknown reason, he had an uneasy feeling, as if something was strangely off, that night.

 _You are just being irrational, idiot. He’s been late tons of times. He’ll just come home at a ridiculous time, apologizing for making me worry_.

He made himself some herbal tea, then he went to bed. He tried focusing on some pages of the thriller book he was reading, but after a while he started getting really sleepy. At work things got a little hectic since he became the secretary of a rather cocky guy called Byun Baekhyun. To be sincere, Sehun liked him, because he was smart, very hard-working and undeniably handsome, also, but their relationship was strictly professional. Sehun was a faithful boyfriend, he would never cheat on Luhan for a pair of nice eyes.

He slowly let himself fall asleep, closing his eyes and adjusting against the pillow.

He woke up with a jump in the middle of the night, and he immediately checked his watch.

Three in the morning.

He reached around, hoping to feel Luhan’s warm body all bundled up under the covers.

Nothing.

He got up slowly, realizing that he was shaking. Not like in movies or dramas, when someone was scared and he acted a little quivering and fearful, but really shaking, and totally against his will on top of that. He actually had to support himself against the wall to reach the kitchen table, where he left his phone.

He immediately checked if Luhan read the text he sent previously.

He didn’t.

_Where the hell is he?_

He put the phone back, because his hand was shaking so much that he was afraid to drop it. He desperately tried to remember if Luhan told him about a work trip, or some important appointment out of town that he could have forgot, but he very rarely did something like this, and Sehun wasn’t that distract.

Fear became panic, panic became terror. What if something happened to him while riding the train towards home? But then, this wouldn’t make any sense. Luhan always checked his phone when he got out of work... he would have at least read Sehun’s message.

Sehun tried calling him, once, twice and then for three times, always getting no answers and only the beeps of the empty line.

Something bad happened, he was sure of it.

On wobbly legs, he reached the couch and sat, dialling the police number. “Hello, I’d like to report about a missing person.”

The man he was talking to listened to him, then reassured him in a soothing and very professional voice. It was too early to understand if Luhan was really disappeared or if he just spent the night somewhere else, he would have had to wait until the following night to fill in a proper report.

But Sehun was restless. Luhan spending the night somewhere else? And where? Since they got together at high school, they never spent anything but a couple nights apart. Luhan was always very sensitive about changing beds and so on, and he disliked sleeping away from their shared flat.

“Just where are you, damn it” Sehun muttered, throwing away the gluey remnants of the japchae he saved for Luhan. “Why are you making me worry like this?”

Actually, if he thought closely, there _were_ a few plausible scenarios. Maybe Luhan’s phone wasn’t working well, and he actually tried calling or texting him but failed. Maybe he really stayed the night at a hotel somewhere because something unexpected came up with work. Or maybe he simply worked until very, very late – he was such a workaholic – and he simply fell asleep on his desk, drooling over some important documents.

Feeling a little relieved by those comforting thoughts, Sehun snuggled under a blanket on the couch, trying to get some sleep.

When the alarm rang in the morning, though, Luhan was still unreachable. He tried calling, texting, everything. At a certain moment, desperate for news, any kind of news actually, he dig up the publishing company’s name and he called the main office.

The secretary woman who answered the phone told him that Luhan didn’t go to work the day before, and Sehun’s stomach dropped.

No. That wasn’t happening. That wasn’t happening to him...

He became hysterical. He started digging through Luhan’s things, trying to detect any signs of that imminent disappearance, but he found nothing. No suitcases were missing, no clothes whatsoever, no personal hygiene stuff. He meticulously checked every sticky note, every receipt, every leaflet he found in the drawers or in his working suit’s pockets, discarding them one by one.

No clues, Luhan was like vanished into thin air.

His hands were shaking again, while he called all their friends, madly hoping that Luhan could have stopped by one of their places, only to get just negative responses.

In the end, he called Luhan’s father.

He knew that Luhan would get mad at him for doing that, but he didn’t care anymore. It was about time to fill in the missing person’s file report, and he wanted to make sure that his boyfriend’s family wasn’t involved in all that mess.

He dialled the Chinese number, the only one he knew. His heart was thumping, while he listened to the beeps on the line. Finally, someone picked up. “Hello? I’m Oh Sehun. I am looking for Luhan...”

The person he was talking to abruptly ended the call.

Sehun sat back in the chair, hugging himself to stop the shivers running through his body.

So, at least now he knew that Luhan didn’t leave willingly.

\---oOo---

Some days passed, and meanwhile, work became a torture.

Byun Baekhyun was like perfection incarnated, and Sehun always felt young, plain and insignificant next to him. Not that the guy dealt with him arrogantly or bossy, but he simply never acted warm or even smiled the littlest bit. He only talked to him if work was the topic of the conversation, and he could easily spend the whole day in silence, focusing only on his computer’s screen, if there was nothing to say.

Once, Sehun dropped a whole tray of coffee on Baekhyun’s freshly printed reports. The guy just stared at him – a very disapproving stare, as sharp as a knife – and then walked away without saying a single word. Later, in the gentlemen’s restroom, Sehun cried alone, locked in one of the stalls, until all the shame and the humiliation started to fade a little.

He foolishly kept hoping that Luhan would be at home, when he would be back that night, waiting for him and reaching out to hug him when he would notice that he cried.

He was washing his hands when Byun Baekhyun walked into the restroom, going straight towards the sink. “Are you okay?”

Sehun glanced at him. “Uh... yes. I’m so sorry for before. It won’t happen again, I swear.”

His boss shook his head. “I’ve already fixed it. I was talking about you, not about the reports.”

Sehun blinked. “Yeah?”

“You look out of it, Oh. Are you sick? You could take a day off, for today. I don’t mind.”

Sehun gulped. “That’s very generous of you, sir, but...” _What? But my house is empty because my boyfriend disappeared, probably kidnapped by his family, and I don’t want to stay there all alone? Because I’m a fucking delusional idiot? Because I’m afraid of what I could do to myself if pain would hit really hard? Because I’ll just end up whining under a blanket hugging one of Luhan’s old sweaters?_

He stayed there, motionless, trying hard to keep a straight face. His pain was something private, it didn’t have anything to do with his work or with Byun Baekhyun, Mr Perfection, who was staring at him with a quirked eyebrow and a weird, compassionate expression on his beautiful face.

“I’m sorry, sir. I’m fine.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” Byun Baekhyun smirked, then fixed his sleeves before washing his hands too. “I just wanted to make sure you knew that I won’t report you or anything.”

Sehun’s nerves weren’t properly in a good condition, so he actually found himself fighting back tears at those unexpectedly kind words. “Really?”

“Yes. I know how it feels, working for a big company and being the one who always has to make coffee and photocopies for everyone. It’s fucking frustrating.”

Sehun stared at him, wide-eyed. He would have never expected someone like Byun Baekhyun use the f word.

The man smiled. “I’ve been at the lowest end of the scale too, actually, and I’ve worked my ass off to climb it. If I did it, you can do it too, always remember it, okay?”

Sehun nodded. “Okay. Sure.”

Baekhyun smiled again. “May I offer you a drink? Not a coffee” he quickly added, when he noticed his sour face. “Something alcoholic. I know a bar, down on the main street. How about it?”

That night, Sehun finally felt better, even if for just a couple hours. Byun Baekhyun – Baekhyun – was a quite agreeable drinking buddy, and he could take his alcohol well. They ended up talking, not exactly like friends, but like good acquaintances at least. Something about his boss told him that he was just as lonely as him, and his eyes gave off a vulnerable vibe – the one of those who had been badly hurt, and were trying to keep their broken pieces together. Sehun liked him more and more, even if not in that way.

Baekhyun drove him home after their little evening, and he left in his BMW after dropping him in front of his flat.

Slowly, Sehun entered. He always had the secret hope that Luhan could be inside, even if he knew that it was impossible.

Now  that his family finally got him, they would have never let him go, just like Luhan told him once. He remembered it very well... they were laying under the scorching sun in the campus’ park, waiting for their next class, and Luhan was warm in his arms, his hair’s scent tickling his nostrils.

“My father owns one of the biggest Chinese publishing companies” he said, snuggling closer, “he’s a very powerful and influent man. If he would ever find out that here, in Korea, I’m living with a boy and that I have no intention to pick up the business, he could kill me.”

“I hope you don’t mean it in a literal way” Sehun joked, but then he noticed Luhan’s expression.

“He could do _anything_ , for money” he whispered, hugging Sehun tighter.

That time, they just let the topic slide, preferring talking about happier things. Sehun, though, would always remember, in a corner of his mind, that Luhan never talked about his family if he wasn’t directly asked, or that he never seemed to miss China or any of his relatives. He actually ignored if he had any siblings, if his mother was alive, if he had any friends back in his home country. It hurt him, thinking that Luhan was lonely... but he was willing to fill the gap, becoming the closest he could to a loving family for him. It was a very sweet and childish wish, but it came straight from his heart.

Regretfully, reality rejected all those good resolutions and stepped on them.

When Sehun tried calling Luhan’s father again, he found out that the phone number had been disabled. He tried googling the Lu surname, testing his poor Chinese and hoping that the family business would at least have the “Lu” character in its title (since it was one of the few he could recognize), but he quickly found out that it wasn’t enough. It was like pulling the proverbial needle out of the haystack.

Luhan had been swallowed away by the oppressive family he had been trying to run away from.

Sehun now had severe insomnia and found really difficult falling asleep, because terrible memories were tormenting him. They were all small hints to whom he never really paid attention in the past, and he cursed himself for being so stupid. Maybe, if he realized sooner, Luhan could still be there with him.

Eyes wide open in the dead of the night, he recalled a moment, while he was laying naked in their bed with Luhan. He was running his hands over his boyfriend’s wonderful body, both still panting and sweaty for the recent shared love, when he noticed, in the dim light, that his back was marred with a few faint, barely noticeable white lines. “What are these?” he asked, and Luhan shivered.

“Nothing” he whispered, scooting closer and hugging him tight.

“They look like...” Sehun managed to stop himself before the words could leave his mouth.

Signs of beatings, old scars. Somebody hit his Luhan with a whip or a rod of some sort, presumably when he was still a little boy.

“Was it... your father?” he asked, cupping Luhan’s face between his hands to see his eyes. They boy nodded slowly, lower lip trembling, eyes glassy with tears.

“Babe” Sehun whispered, holding him close. “I’m so sorry.”

Luhan sobbed into his chest. “He hates me” he said. “He hates me because I’m nothing that I was supposed to be.”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“I am not smart enough, I am not hard-working enough, I am not filial and dedicated and humble enough for him. I am never enough... and probably I will never be.”

He managed to calm down only when Sehun bent down and kissed his old scars, one by one.

Memories were haunting him. Sehun kept tossing and turning in his bed, restless and devoured by nostalgia and misery.

There had been one time, when Luhan suddenly grabbed his hand while they were peacefully walking around in the park. “If something would ever happen to me, how would you react?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I were to... you know.”

Sehun stared at him. “You mean if you were to die? Don’t be silly.”

“I mean it, Sehun. What would you do?”

He had stared at Luhan, at his pretty eyes, his expectant face. “I would wait for the day when I could join you.” Like in the cheapest love movies, he would have liked adding, but Luhan unexpectedly burst into tears, at those words.

He really felt a fool for not taking those hints seriously. And he felt a criminal, for not protecting him. If only he went to pick him up from work, on that dreaded day...

Then, things started changing. Baekhyun was seeing someone. Sehun realized suddenly one day, when he caught his boss checking his reflection on the restroom’s mirror. He dressed up, choosing a casual style instead of the usual shirt and tie combo he wore at the office, which was unusual.

“You must like this man a lot, boss” he said, faking a smile, but he really couldn’t avoid the pang of jealousy he felt when Baekhyun just smiled back at him. Even Baekhyun, the working machine, was seeing someone, while he was alone and hurting all by himself, and Luhan was still missing.

“You are guessing right” Baekhyun confirmed, flashing a smile before saying goodbye.

The following days, though, Sehun noticed that something was off with him. He looked distracted, gloomier than usual, and he worked sloppily – which was absolutely new. No matter what he was thinking of, Baekhyun _never_ let work and feelings mingle. Maybe something was wrong with the man he was seeing, his mysterious boyfriend? A shameful, horrible part of Sehun thought that love was really a mean little thing, if not even Mr Perfection Baekhyun could get a decent lover.

Then, one night Baekhyun called him on his private phone, in tears. “Please, come to see me” he begged, and Baekhyun never begged. “I need to see someone. Please.”

Sehun knew that tone, that teary voice, those desperate words. He had been in the same state of mind for months, by that time, and he agreed without thinking twice. He grabbed some beer and junk food – it always helped him, when he felt really bitter, and thankfully his metabolism was fast, otherwise he would have turned into a ball of fat – and he drove his city car towards Baekhyun’s elegant building. There, he found that the sophisticated and collected boss he knew was indeed a normal person. He found out that he could actually shed tears, look terrible with red blotches all over his face, consume a shitload of tissues and that he used to roll up, all burrito-style, into a blanket just like he did when he felt like crying.

Sehun comforted Baekhyun, listening to him talk and letting him vent away all the pain and anger. The man he had been dating – Chanyeol – had cancer, and he had tried hiding the thing away from him.

Actually, Sehun didn’t do much. He just patted Baekhyun’s back, letting him cry freely, he fed him beer and chips and he helped him chose a comedy TV show to cheer up. He would have hated being lectured during such a crisis, so he didn’t do it either.

Just when Baekhyun asked him directly, “what am I supposed to do?”, he dared advising him.

“You should go to him.”

And boy, Baekhyun listened to him. He went buying some gift, then he travelled all the way to Chanyeol’s block and he apologized. Sehun learnt all this on the phone, when his boss – now his friend – called him later. The two lovers managed to reconcile, at least for the moment, and Baekhyun accepted to take care of Chanyeol and his illness.

Trying to help Baekhyun survive through his heartache actually managed to save Sehun from his own. He felt important, finding the right words to comfort his friend, and he felt proud when Baekhyun actually felt the need to call him, or when he asked him for help when he decided to sell his house. It would have been shameful to tell, but Sehun loved every moment that Baekhyun spent at his house.

It was just so wonderful, not being alone again. He cooked for him, spoiling his guest with grilled meat and veggies, and when Baekhyun noticed the couple pottery in the cupboard, he just admitted it.

“My boyfriend disappeared and I don’t know what happened to him, even if I suspect that his family could be involved. I am alone”.

He felt lighter, when he finally managed to say it aloud. He never told anyone, before.

He hugged Baekhyun for long, when the time to leave for the USA came. Baekhyun became so important, for him, that he was afraid of letting him go. He felt as if he wouldn’t be able to stand on his own, without him around.

And then, everything crashed down. Chanyeol’s surgery failed, and Baekhyun started losing himself.

Sehun’s heart ached for his friend, and he did his best to support him through that difficult time, but when Baekhyun talked harshly about Luhan, he really couldn’t take it.

It all happened very quickly, and during one of their usual calls.

“Any news?” Sehun asked.

“No. Chanyeol is stable, but he won’t wake up.”

“I am so sorry, Baek. And how are you feeling?”

“Me? Oh, I am fine. I am getting good at English.”

“Don’t joke. I can feel that you are miserable.”

“Well, my fiancé is comatose. There isn’t much to laugh about.”

Sehun sighed. Baekhyun wouldn’t like what he was going to tell next. “Have you ever considered starting over?”

“Uh?” Baekhyun murmured, dazed. “Over with what...?”

Sehun tried to be delicate, but there weren’t many delicate ways to address that topic. “Baekhyun, Chanyeol could never wake up.”

“So?”

“So maybe you should try moving on, starting afresh with your life...”

He stopped talking, startled by the sudden laughter of his friend over the line. Baekhyun was cackling, hysterical. “Look who’s talking. Aren’t you the biggest hypocrite in the world?”

“I don’t...”

“Don’t fucking tell me to abandon my Chanyeol when you are the one who can’t even accept the possibility that Luhan could be dead on the bottom of the ocean.”

“What the fuck, Baekhyun!”

“Isn’t it true?” Baekhyun wasn’t crying. His voice had a cruel edge, as if he was _happy_ of hurting him. “Why are you so scared of admitting that your boyfriend probably killed himself because his family wouldn’t let him get back to you?”

Overwhelmed, Sehun ended the call. He looked around, spirited, then he went rummaging into his closet. He took out all his stuff, piling sweaters and shirts on the floor like a maniac. Some days before, he donated all Luhan’s clothes, just because someone could need them, he told to himself, lying blatantly. And because nobody needed them in there.

He kept only one sweater, the one Luhan always wore at home when he wanted to feel cosy and comfy.

He laid it on his bed, caressing it as if it could talk or react.

“Babe” he whispered, “you aren’t dead, are you? Please, baby, please. You wouldn’t have done something like this, would you?”

But he didn’t know.  He couldn’t know... and the uncertainty was killing him.

Since that day, he started wearing Luhan’s sweater, day and night. He forgot to sleep, to eat, to get to work until he got a reprimand.

Whatever, he didn’t care.

Baekhyun never called him after that disastrous conversation, whatever.

Maybe Luhan was dead, whatever.

Whatever...

He was on the brink of succumbing to his monsters, when the phone started ringing again.

“Sehun, it’s me.”

He started crying the exact moment he heard his friend’s voice again. He barely registered what he was saying – that Chanyeol opened his eyes, that he was going to be fine – because the relief was just too much to take. He was happy for Baekhyun, so happy, really... and maybe, just maybe, now he was starting to accept the idea that Luhan could have left for real. That he would have never met him again, if not in the afterlife.

Like that time, when he boldly told him “I will wait”.

The realisation helped him get back on track, slowly returning to normality, until Baekhyun and Chanyeol sent him an invitation for their wedding.

He immediately called his friend to congratulate him. “Thanks for the invitation, Baekhyun, I’ll come for sure!”

“Yeah” his friend sounded strangely circumspect. “Actually, there’s something you should know before coming...”

And after that, Sehun received the good news.

Luhan was alive, Baekhyun and Chanyeol met him in New York.


	13. Bonus (second part)

None of those who were around Luhan ever realized it, he was sure of it.

To be honest, he did his very best to keep everything secret. That he wasn’t the perfect man everybody saw at the Lu & associates, always perfectly dressed and polished, always kind to everyone, always smiling, with the prettiest wife and most serene life. He was sure that nobody could ever imagine the truth behind the facade he desperately tried to keep around him to shade his true colours.

While he was at work, it was pretty easy. The trick was not to bond too tightly with anyone, he soon found out. If you didn’t involve yourself with unnecessary friendships or other sticky social situations, then lying was terribly easy, so easy it was almost scary. The difficult part came when he returned home in the evening, and Daisy was there waiting for him. That was, truthfully, the most difficult part, smiling back at her when she came to greet him in the doorway.

Because a part of him, before his mind could prevent it, always expected to see Sehun in her place.

That day made no exception. He returned home pretty late, around nine p.m., and he realized when he was already parking his car that he forgot to call Daisy to tell her. He sighed, leaning his forehead against the headrest for a moment. He glanced towards the pretty house where he lived with his wife, at the lit windows, and a shiver ran down his spine.

_Maybe, if I just ran away..._

He closed his eyes and shook his head. No. That wasn’t an option, and it was shameful of him to think that way. He felt guilty every time he did it, but at the same time he couldn’t prevent himself from contemplating that possibility.

“Darling!” Daisy, Americanized version or the Chinese name Dai-Si, came running towards him as soon as he turned the key into the lock. “Why so late? Did something happen?”

“No, I just worked until everything was finished and I lost track of time.” Luhan shuddered on the inside when he fully took in her swollen face. “Did you cry?”

The girl giggled, unable to hide her flushed cheeks and reddened eyes. “Uh, I got a little worried. I’m sorry. Come, dinner is ready.”

 _You should at list peck her on the cheek or something_ , Luhan reproached himself, but in the end he didn’t even come close to her and just hanged his coat in the hall and went straight to the bathroom to wash his hands. There, he avoided looking at his face on the mirror, because he hated seeing the shame on his features.

Plastering a smile on his lips, he sat at the table. Daisy prepared an elaborate dish of lasagne, and she proudly showed her creation to him. Luhan stared at the food, noticing that the sauce looked oily and greasy. He felt nauseous just _thinking_ about eating it.

 _Please don’t sit and watch me eat, please, please, please_...

But as she always did, Daisy sat across the table, putting her pretty chin on her hands. “Tell me something about your working day” she asked, putting a big serving of food in his plate.

“Uh...” Luhan played with his dinner, poking at it with his fork. “Well, it just was average, I think.”

“Oh, darling” Daisy laughed. She had a very peculiar way of laughing, making a soft cooing sound in the back of her throat. Most of people would find it cute, in Luhan’s opinion, but he didn’t. “You say it every day.”

“I know” he said, desperately trying to keep smiling, “I am not good with words.”

“It’s okay, darling.”

 _Darling_.

Luhan hated that word. It was meant to be used for someone who was loved and who loved truly in return, instead it just became a waste of breath on his wife’s lips. It felt so meaningless.

Sehun never called him darling, not even once. He used to call him _babe_...

“I’m sorry, Daisy” he whispered, swallowing with difficulty the mouthful of lasagne he put into his mouth, “I am not feeling well tonight. Please, don’t get offended, but I think I’ll skip dinner.”

He kept his eyes low to avoid seeing the hurt and the delusion on the girl’s face. “Uh” she murmured, “it took me two hours and a half to make it.”

 _Oh, for God’s sake_. “Then we’ll enjoy it tomorrow” he smiled, trying to ignore the fact that Daisy didn’t even taste it before he could. His cheeks hurt because of all those fake smiles. “How was _your_ day, anyways?”

Daisy looked at him through her long lashes. She was petite and graceful, and her features were beautiful not only for Chinese’s standards. In that moment, though, Luhan couldn’t see her vibrant black eyes, her fluent ebony locks, or feel the charm of her pristine skin. He could just see a lonely girl, just as unhappy as him, and he couldn’t help but pity her.

And not feeling anything even remotely similar to love.

“Nice” she replied, cheering up instantly. “I went to the mall with Jessica and Haesoo. I bought new clothes, some for you too. I put it in your closet.”

“Thanks. I’ll check it out later. I’ll go shower now.”

“Would you like me to bring you some medicine?”

Luhan sighed. _Don’t get mad at her. This isn’t her fault_. “No” he replied. “I’ll just go straight to bed.”

“Okay. I’ll stay up for a while to watch TV, then I’ll come.”

_Just... don’t._

This time, Luhan didn’t manage to reply properly and he just headed to the bathroom. His stomach was knotted, he really didn’t lie when he told Daisy that he wasn’t feeling well. Maybe it was that awful foreign dish, undoubtedly well-executed, but all greasy and yucky and disgusting, or maybe it was just...

Back in Korea, Sehun was the one who usually did the cooking, when they lived together. Not because he was a skilled cook, but just because he was the one who got home first. To be honest, he was just mediocre, but he could put together some decent meals, like some basic bean sprouts soup or fried rice. And he was always frugal with salt, so much that Luhan used to tease him because they had to sprinkle salt directly in their plates because everything always tasted a little bland.

He smirked while getting undressed and turning on the water.

Oh, how he wished he could taste that bland cooking again. Daisy was the epitome of the typical domestic goddess, always busy with oven mittens, trays of cookies and elaborate and foreign dishes Luhan didn’t even know what to call. Her _flan parisiens_ looked great, but he didn’t feel like eating them. Her macarons or Shepherd’s pie or homemade pizza or whatever were all tasty, but no matter how Luhan loathed eating those kinds of things, he couldn’t tell her, because she put so many efforts in preparing those delicacies, and her days were so gloomy and lonely that she really had no other hobby besides of cooking.

Daisy was a victim of that situation, just like him, and that was why Luhan had no reason to get angry at her. But that woman, no matter how hard she tried, never managed to guess his taste, and not only about food: she always chose too big or too small clothing for him, and every present, every little attention was always off Luhan’s taste and liking. They just couldn’t get along, there wasn’t much else to say.

After all, theirs was just a combined marriage.

Luhan closed his eyes under the warm stream of water, letting it unknot the muscles in his shoulders and back. He remembered that day very well, after all. He left the apartment he shared with Sehun at the usual early hour in the morning, and the younger boy was still sleeping soundly when he closed the door behind his back and walked in the street. He regretted immensely not kissing him before leaving.

In the parking lot outside of their building, two foreign-looking men suddenly grabbed him and asked him to follow them. Luhan, who mistook them for robbers, didn’t protest and just complied, too shaken to react or fight back, and he started to make connections just when he found himself staring at a very Chinese, very young and very frightened girl in the rear seat of a black car. Someone might have argued that kidnapping was a crime, and that he should have at least tried protesting, or refusing to marry her, even if his father arranged everything to secure his family’s fortune, but Luhan was sure that those who thought that way didn’t know Lu senior.

The water was turning cold, but he didn’t realize. It wasn’t just because of the beatings, or the verbal torture about him being a worthless son, about how he wished that he was smarter, about him looking too effeminate and wimpy, it was...

Grimacing, Luhan turned off the water and shivered.

He didn’t know. He didn’t know why he never fought him, or never even tried disobeying him.

He just couldn’t.

Dai-si Lei, or better, Daisy Lei, never talked to him for all the duration of the flight to New York, and she never even looked at him in the face. It took her two whole weeks, after the golden ring was already around her finger, to start rising her timid eyes to meet his, and Luhan felt dying inside every time she did that.

His feelings for her were complicated. Sometimes he hated her, because he thought that she was as dumb as a bag of rocks and an airhead, but sometimes he reminded to himself that she was just as pitiful as him, having been manipulated by her family against her will. But had it been against her will for real? Sometimes she looked glad to be his wife, that was just a fact. Sometimes he was sure that she took pleasure in cooking for him, ironing his shirts or just sitting beside him on the couch staring at him in a way that he found simply unnerving. Sometimes, though, he could detect the sadness and the boredom on her face, and he couldn’t help feeling responsible for it.

“Darling?”

He jumped, startled. “Oh... I am almost finished.”

“Good” Daisy said, peeking from the slitted door. “You have been showering for half an hour, I was starting to wonder if you were okay.”

“I am okay” Luhan confirmed, waiting for her to close the door before stepping out of the shower and wrapping his naked body in a towel. “Just... I changed my mind, can you give me that medicine you were talking about before?”

“Sure, darling.”

While he made sure that Daisy was in the kitchen, Luhan quickly dried up and put on some underwear and pants. “Thanks” he said, when the girl came back handing him a glass with some foul-smelling stuff inside.

“You should take more care of your health” she gently reproached him. Then, Luhan slipped under the covers, pretending to read a book, and she went back in the sitting room to take notes before her favourite cooking program.

When she was finally gone, Luhan put the book away and sighed.

They never touched each other, not even once. One thing was pretending to be a happy couple when someone was watching, another what happened in private.

And in private, they couldn’t stand being too close to each other. Did Daisy feel the same way? Luhan asked it to himself many times, only to conclude that, well, probably she didn’t. She was so docile and sweet, probably she would have just loved some tenderness.

But he could feel his stomach churn just thinking about it.

He already betrayed Sehun... he couldn’t do it fully.

“Babe” he whispered, talking to nobody.

When he thought about Sehun, his whole body shivered from head to toe. When his father’s men came to take him to the USA, the first thing they did was disabling his phone, laptop and making sure that he couldn’t communicate with anyone. Luhan weakly tried protesting, because in his opinion Sehun deserved at least a little explanation... but which one? _I’m sorry, but I need to marry some chick because my father forced me to. I’m sorry, I am leaving you because I am a coward and I am pissing my pants just thinking about disobeying my family. I’m sorry, I love you but I just can’t help being a traitor_. All fake excuses, all meaningless words.

He loved him, though, at least that wasn’t a lie.

He still did.

“Babe” he whispered again, curling up in a tight ball under the covers. He used to sleep in that position, back in Korea with Sehun. His boyfriend was bigger and taller than him, and he would hug him, sneaking one of his long legs between his, warming up his chilly thighs and feet. Sehun’s body had always been so warm, so welcoming. His hugs felt so safe, and his scent was just...

Luhan’s eyes were suddenly full of tears, and he had to grab a tissue and quickly wipe himself up because he couldn’t stand the thought of Daisy walking in and catching him crying.

She didn’t know anything about Sehun, and frankly Luhan was glad of it. It wasn’t anything of her business. Luhan’s pain was private... along with his memories of past and long lost happiness.

It didn’t work, though. Soon, Luhan was sobbing in his pillow, hugging himself desperately trying to remember the exact feeling of Sehun’s arms around him.

\---oOo---

It all happened by chance. Luhan never went to that cafe, because it was far from the publishing company, but that day he felt like walking to clear his head. He just wandered around, very weird thoughts in his head - _what if I just run away? What if I just take a phone and dial Sehun’s number?_ -,  until he reached that place and just walked inside, sitting at a table and ordering some plain coffee. The pastries on display reminded him of Daisy’s cooking, and he didn’t feel like eating them, even if his stomach was roaring because of hunger.

Frankly, nothing was preventing him from calling Sehun, now. He owned a phone, and he remembered Sehun’s number. But if his father let him have that, it was just because he knew that he was too much of a coward to actually do it.

That was driving him crazy.

He felt a fool, the worst kind of it. He had been forcefully put into a cage, but now that the door was open he couldn’t find the courage to get out. He hated so much himself for that...

A cheerful laughter distracted him. He turned, spotting two young men sitting at the table next to his. One of them was tall and handsome, but Luhan was sure that the shorter one was older than him, even if he didn’t look like that. Something about their attitude, also, immediately made him think that they were a homosexual couple enjoying a relaxing breakfast together, and the envy he felt towards them, for a second, made his mind turn blank.

 _Sehun and me used to be like that too. This is so unfair_.

“Any news with your job hunt?” the shorter one asked, his eyes turning gentle while looking at his partner. They were talking in Korean, and that familiar accent for a moment made Luhan’s head spin.

“Nope” the other replied, his smile faltering for the smallest moment, but then regaining light, “but I am not losing hope. And you, how is your new job going?”

“Uh, a little tough since I basically know nothing about finance, but I think I will learn.”

Then, the two spent a few full minutes just staring at each other with the vaguest smiles on their faces. Luhan was going to choke because of the horrible feeling of heaviness in his chest, and he was just about to stand up and walk away when the taller one suddenly asked: “Did you hear from Sehun, lately? How is he?”

Luhan froze on the spot, paralyzed.

_Calm down, idiot. There must be hundreds of Sehun, in Korea. Probably they’re just talking about someone else. It can’t be him..._

It couldn’t be him, right?

Suddenly, Luhan realized that those two were Korean, and that they had been talking in Korean for the whole time.

The older man sighed. “To be honest, I am worried. He sounded down on the phone, lately. I am afraid he is depressed, and that he might need help.”

“Don’t leave him alone during this difficult moment, Baek” the taller one gently said, touching his lover’s hand.

“I won’t. But I’ve never seen him so worn out.”

Luhan found hard to breathe. Wasn’t Sehun working for a man called Baekhyun, at the insurance company, back in Korean? He couldn’t remember. He could swear that he wasn’t wrong, but a lot of time already passed, so...

He stood on wobbly legs. He just needed a small confirmation, that’s all. _No, we don’t know any Oh Sehun from Seoul, we’re sorry_. You must be mistaken. Just that, and then he could return to Daisy, to his tedious day and to his loneliness.

He approached the couple’s table, and the taller man looked towards him. “Excuse me” Luhan rasped, “you aren’t talking about Oh Sehun from Seoul, right?”

 _Please say no, please, please, please_...

But the tall man glanced towards the other, who looked at him in return, alarmed, and Luhan couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Please tell me! What do you mean he’s depressed? He’s okay, isn’t he?”

Things immediately got messy. Baekhyun – he really was him, after all – started get angry at him, and Luhan, deep down, thought that he was perfectly right. Still, he tried defending himself. Mainly because he was too ashamed to admit the plain truth – _I am just a coward_ – and he just couldn’t stand that man’s burning eyes on him. Thankfully enough, Baekhyun left after a while, and Luhan found himself sniffing into a tissue in company of the taller male, Chanyeol.

“I am sorry for my fiancé” he said, “he’s not a bad person. He is just very worried for Sehun, and I’m afraid that diplomacy is not his best feature.”

Sighing, Luhan wiped his leaking nose for the umpteenth time. Baekhyun just yelled at him, but Chanyeol stayed for long, waiting for him to stop crying and calm down. “It’s okay. I would do the same, in his shoes.”

Chanyeol looked at him in sympathy. “Maybe it’s better if you go home, now. I’ll drive you, if you want.”

They ended up in the tall Korean’s car, which desperately needed a good check-up, judging from all the sputtering of the engine, but Luhan didn’t care. He actually was glad that Chanyeol spent some time with him. He finally could ask someone something about Sehun.

“I don’t know Sehun personally” Chanyeol admitted, “he’s Baekhyun’s friend, after all. But lately, according to what he says, he seems in a very bad condition. Looks like he believes that you are dead for real. He’s like... mourning.”

Luhan felt his insides clench. “Let him do it” he insisted. “He will hurt for a while, then he’ll finally start to move on.”

Deep down, though, his heart was bleeding. Sehun had been looking for him everywhere until now, and he had started to give up just lately. That thought was heart-wrenching to Luhan. They had been separated, but they never stopped thinking about each other.

He still loved Sehun so much.

“Don’t cry” Chanyeol gently told him, “or your wife will ask questions. Try to calm down.”

“I am s-sorry” Luhan hiccupped, but Chanyeol had to park a couple blocks away from his house to let him sob some more and get some relief. Even crying was a luxury for him, with Daisy parking her nose everywhere. He was glad that Chanyeol was a gentle and understanding man. He felt so lonely, lately.

“Luhan” Chanyeol murmured, after a while, “there’s still something I don’t understand. Why you refuse to simply pick up the phone and call Sehun? That could really help fixing this situation, you know.”

Luhan tried answering, but his throat was knotted. He pictured his father yelling at him, and his mind went blank. “I... I...”

“Calm down” Chanyeol urged him, rubbing soothing circles on his back, “calm down. Nobody will harm you now.”

“I know” Luhan whispered, “but...”

Chanyeol sighed. “Luhan, you know that abuse is a crime, don’t you?”

Luhan blinked. “Uh, you didn’t get the situation right. My father just hit me a couple times when I was still a boy, he never... uh... r-raped me or anything...” Those words sounded so dirty that he choked again, disturbing images making his insides twist. He was afraid that he could puke in Chanyeol’s car.

“I am talking about psychological abuse” Chanyeol specified, always comforting him in that gentle manner. “That’s what you call what your father is doing to you now. And judging from your reaction, I don’t think he hit you just a couple times in the past.”

Luhan simply couldn’t deny. He bowed his head slightly, feeling suddenly too tired to keep protesting. “You guessed it right.”

Chanyeol’s gaze softened. “I have seen many abused children react in this same way” he explained. Previously, he told Luhan that he was a preschool teacher, even if currently jobless. “Some had visible signs of violence on their body, others not, but all of them showed their sufferance, in a way or another. And a lot of them just kept denying, just like you right now. It’s what abuse does to you... after a while, you simply can’t consider yourself anything but a worthless piece of trash.”

Luhan closed his eyes, overwhelmed. “Fuck” he murmured.

“There’s nothing wicked or worthless in you, Luhan” Chanyeol went on, “I swear. And I’m sure that Sehun thinks the same way.”

Luhan started sobbing uncontrollably at those words, to the point that he had to lean on Chanyeol’s shoulder to calm down, because he desperately needed a hug.

Chanyeol was a really great man. He accompanied him home, entertained Daisy for a while, complimenting her for the cookies she offered him, then spent some more time with him, making sure that the crisis was over. He handed him a leaflet with a helpline for victims of psychological abuse, and he left just after Luhan promised him to check it out.

“Won’t your fiancé get mad at you for coming all the way here? It got pretty late. I feel bad, your breakfast date was ruined because of me...”

“Don’t worry about that” Chanyeol beamed. “I’ll call you in a couple days. Let’s keep in touch.”

Luhan smiled back. “Sure.”

That night, after locking himself in the bathroom, he called the helpline for victims of psychological abuse, and the person he talked to confirmed Chanyeol’s words. His father wasn’t right: Luhan was a good person, not a worthless son. Yeah, maybe he had some flaws, but who didn’t? The problem was in his father’s mind, who couldn’t accept that he was just different from what he expected. And Luhan wasn’t a scared little boy anymore... he was a grown man now.

He could react. Report him to the police, tell them about his abduction and arranged marriage.

That conversation made him feel refreshed. He walked into the kitchen, looking for a can of beer, and while doing that he noticed that Daisy was talking on the phone too, but strangely very softly. That was weird, because she always yapped on full volume while talking to her stupid friends, but he didn’t pay much attention to that detail and just went into the bedroom to watch some TV before falling asleep. He felt much better, to be honest, much more at peace with himself.

Even if thinking about Sehun hurt like always.

\---oOo---

Days passed slowly. Chanyeol and him met frequently now, usually just to drink something together and exchange a couple words. Baekhyun rarely showed up along with him, because things were still rusty between Luhan and him, even if Chanyeol’s fiancé actually called him once to apologize for his rudeness on that day at the park.

Meanwhile, Luhan went into therapy. He dreaded going to see his shrink every week (he simply told Daisy he went to play tennis with Chanyeol), but he could tell that it did him good, so he never missed an appointment.

He was fighting, even if he still lacked the courage to confront his father face-to-face. He was really doing something, after all that time, and if he thought about it he still had some trouble believing it.

Maybe, but just maybe, he was stronger than what he thought.

Then, one day Chanyeol handed him a card. “Here, this is for you” he said, smiling broadly.

“What is... oh” Luhan clumsily stuttered. It was an invitation card to a wedding, and the wedding was Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s. “Oh, my... congratulations.”

Chanyeol looked at him nervously. “I think you need to know one thing, before accepting the invitation. Sehun will be there too, Baekhyun invited him.”

Luhan felt his tongue dry up in his mouth.

Sehun.

In person.

“Really, you don’t need to feel compelled to come if you think it could turn difficult for you” Chanyeol said, being the best friend that Luhan could ever desire, “Baekhyun and I will understand.”

Luhan swallowed. “No. I want to come.”

“Are you sure?”

 _Am I sure?_ Luhan was, in spite of everything, pretty sure about the response.

“Yes.”

Chanyeol’s ears turned reddish, while he smiled from ear to ear. “Thanks. I am really happy... _we_ are really happy. And we would really love to have you and Daisy at our wedding.”

That night, though, when he told her, Daisy didn’t look too fond about attending the ceremony. “I am busy on that day.”

Luhan was annoyed. Daisy loved weddings, and she never missed attending one. “Oh, please. Busy with what? You never do anything besides of cooking and shopping.”

She looked at him for a moment, hurt, and Luhan immediately regretted saying those words. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean...”

“It’s okay” she quickly interrupted him. “It’s your friends, anyways. Maybe you should just go alone.”

Now Luhan was definitely confused, because the Daisy he knew would have never pushed him to attend a mundane event by himself. “Just what are you supposed to do, on that day? My friends are getting married, it’s an important thing...”

Daisy snapped. “So, can’t I have something important to do too? Is this what are you implying?”

Luhan was speechless. She was replying to him, and she was _angry_. That was new. “N-no, I didn’t mean...”

“Fine, then. On that day I am busy with Jessica and Haesoo, period. And you don’t have any right to judge or lecture me for this.”

Perplexed, and slightly hurt himself, Luhan went to bed alone. He woke up in the middle of the night, and he instinctively checked if Daisy was alright, sleeping next to him like always, but she wasn’t anywhere in sight. He got up, peeking in the sitting room, and he sighed of relief spotting his wife’s silhouette laying on the couch, flipping through the TV channels. “Aren’t you coming to bed? It’s late.”

“You go to sleep” she retorted, cold.

“Are you mad?”

“A little.”

“I told you I’m sorry.”

Daisy shot him a glance that made Luhan think that he really didn’t know his wife at all. “Just go to bed, Luhan.”

He really went to bed, actually, and Daisy slept on the couch.

Since that night, they never shared a bed again.

\---oOo—

Sehun was really there.

Luhan spotted him from the bottom of the hall, where he was sitting, because it was a little hard missing a tall, blond and exceptionally attractive Korean man who actually was Baekhyun’s best man. He thanked every God he knew for the therapy sessions he did lately, because, well, he didn’t think that he would be able to take that sight without choking or feeling faint if he didn’t.

Sehun was still beautiful. And he still was the man that made him fall in love, when they were still teens and just exchanged little smiles during class.

He felt his heart jump when Sehun turned back to look at the guests and spotted him. Their eyes met for the briefest moment ever, and then they both glanced elsewhere.

They bumped into each other when they went to get some food at the buffet. “You go first” Sehun stiffly said, taking one small step back.

“No, you” Luhan said.

“I insist.”

In the end, Luhan helped himself with some canapés, unable to think of something actually worth being said. Sehun looked at him for the whole time, his eyes wide, but he didn’t say anything as well. Luhan stayed put while the younger put some food in his plate too, but then someone pushed him from behind to get access to the table and he had to walk away. Sehun got snatched by Chanyeol’s sister, and  Luhan was left alone, munching on his food in a corner.

 _Congrats, idiot. Such a good chance, and you missed it_.

He kept following Sehun with his gaze, unable to tear away his eyes from him. He grew up, while they were separated. He became even more manly and handsome.

Luhan watched as he talked to Baekhyun’s mother, leaning against the wall and smiling.

Suddenly, he didn’t feel like eating anymore. Sehun got so charming... well, he always was, but he definitely got sexier. Maybe it was his beauty, or his walk, as proud as a prince’s, or the way his side profile looked like sculpted by angels...

Luhan couldn’t believe it. He was getting horny, and in the middle of a social event.

“Excuse me” he muttered, heading towards the restroom. He passed nearby Sehun, and he believed to catch him staring with the corner of his eye. Or was it just his imagination running wild? He really couldn’t tell.

He rinsed his face with cold water, then went to return to the party, but someone grabbed him in the corridor, making him yelp in surprise.

“Come” a sultry voice he knew too well murmured, dragging him towards a closed door.

Before he could react, Luhan found himself pressed flush against Sehun’s body inside of the smallest storage room ever.

He didn’t yell, nor panic.

“What are you doing?” he quietly asked. It was dark, and he couldn’t see Sehun’s expression, but he could definitely feel his warmth, and his scent.

 _Oh, his scent_.

Sehun kept silent. Luhan could feel his breath on his cheek. “Sehun?” he called, softly. “Are you okay?”

He felt strangely calm. He fantasized about meeting his past lover again in a thousand ways, but never like this, just holding each other in the darkness and waiting for the other to make a move.

“Babe” Sehun whispered, and Luhan moaned softly when the taller’s mouth captured his. He found himself pressed against the wall, while the other was unsuccessfully trying to unfasten his belt and unbuckle his own trousers at the same time. He helped him doing that, never stopping devouring Sehun’s mouth in heated kisses – _oh, his lips_ – and lifting his leg to rub his cock against his thigh.

“I missed you so much” he breathed, while Sehun clumsily spat on his fingers and started prepping him. It hurt a little, but he wasn’t afraid. It was Sehun, after all. He had nothing to fear. “I missed you so much, babe.”

“Me too” Sehun rasped, pushing his way inside of him. Luhan hissed, because it burned, but Sehun gave him enough time to adjust and to make the pain fade away. They fucked feverishly, their elegant trousers gathering around their ankles, hot and dirty and reckless.

They never stopped kissing, not even to breathe.

In Sehun’s arms, Luhan finally found the forgiveness he never managed to grant to himself. Sehun understood him, he understood the fear he felt towards his father, the twisted bond he tied with Daisy, the feelings of loneliness and helplessness and self-hate. He actually told him all those things after they were finished, half-sitting half-laying on the floor, hands roaming everywhere beneath layers of clothing and among sweaty strands of hair.

Sehun still loved Luhan. That sudden understanding made Luhan burst out crying like a baby, ruining whatever sexy moment they were sharing. Sehun didn’t judge him though, nor laughed. He just held him tight, kissing his crown like he used to back in Korea, and when the party was over and the newlyweds left the venue, he brought him to his hotel and made love to him all night.

“I am scared” Luhan admitted. “I won’t be able to return to my life after being with you again like this...”

“Then don’t” Sehun murmured. “Run away with me. Leave this horrible place. Come back to Korea with me.”

Luhan’s heart was bleeding. “I can’t.”

“Why? Nothing is holding you down here.”

“Daisy” Luhan whispered. “I can’t leave her. That would be the end of her. She is... she is too naive, too innocent. She won’t be able to resist the humiliation of a divorce... or of a scandal about her gay husband.”

Sehun held him for long. “I wish we could just leave for another planet, then.”

“You mean for Mars?”

Sehun caressed the tip of Luhan’s nose. “I love you so much.”

For the first time for what felt like a lifetime, Luhan felt happy, hearing those words.

He returned home at eight in the morning, after leaving Sehun alone at the hotel. They agreed to see each other again the day after, but now Luhan had to see Daisy and apologize for staying out the whole night without telling her.

“Daisy?” he called, entering the house. The kitchen didn’t smell like cookies or freshly-made pancakes, as usual. “Daisy?”

She wasn’t there. He went to check the bedroom, the bathroom, even the laundry room.

Nothing.

“Just where the hell is she?”

He waited some time, but then he just dialled Haesoo’s number. “Hello, I’m  Daisy’s husband, is she with you?”

“No, actually we haven’t seen each other in months.”

Luhan suddenly felt very cold.

Months?

He immediately called Jessica, and she gave him the same answer. Restless, he walked into the sitting room, desperately trying to calm down.

Fine, Daisy lied to him. He lied to her too, so he had no reason to be mad. But still, where was she? She was so naive... what if she got involved in something dangerous?

Then he saw it. The message, half-hidden under a plate of glazed donuts. He shoved one in his mouth, starting to read.

_Luhan,_

_I will not apologize for what I’m about to do. I know you won’t miss me much, and I don’t feel guilty for leaving you. Yifan loves me – and I love him. I hope you won’t let your family crush you... you are better than what they think, you really are. You just lack a little confidence._

_I am sure that you will find someone to love too, one day, if you already didn’t._

_Please stay strong._

In the end, he ate all the donuts. They were delicious, light, airy, chewy. He savoured every crumb, and while he did that, he prayed that Daisy finally found happiness.

 

_-oOo- One month later –oOo-_

If he thought about it, it was just so easy. Packing a small suitcase, grabbing his passport, throwing his phone in the ocean – he did it for real, and he felt immensely free after doing it -, thinking about those who left behind, who were surely raking their little brains trying to figure out where he ran to. He wasn’t stupid though – he knew that they would have come looking for you.

This time, though, he was prepared for it. He wasn’t anymore the trembling boy his father used to discipline with a stick. This time, he would have fought for his life.

But for this new beginning, was he prepared for it?

Sehun screamed when he saw him on his threshold in the middle of the night. He literally grabbed him and squeezed all the air away from his lungs.

“You did it!” he yelled, “you did it! I am so proud of you!”

Luhan held him, trembling in sheer joy.

No. He wasn’t just prepared to be happy for real, this time... he was just more than ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end for real, guys!  
> Thanks to all those who left a thought, a critic, or simple kudos. This story got featured also in The Chanbaek Library tumblr, another blog that I love.  
> Thanks for all the amazing support.<3


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